Strange Fruit Ch.9 Still Life
I wasn't cheating. It was just a friendly get together, that's all. I had no intention of doing anything over the line. I said all of those things the night of King's show , and I said them again. What was wrong with me? I had a guy offering to let me move in, but I was entertaining another guys fantasies by leading him on. I knew there was wrong being done and yet I couldn't stop myself.
King- I was beginning to think you were ignoring me
Leon- Me, the guy who's in a relationship ignore you , the guy who wants me to cheat on my boyfriend, no, never
I was speaking sarcastically of course.
Leon- What are we doing here
King- I'm working on my next show
I hadn't seen the inside of my old high school in almost a year , but it felt much longer than that. King and I met inside the school's art lab. It was a small room with paint on the walls and old wooden tables. Standing in that place alone with him made it seem like a big place. It felt like a scene. I wondered how he convinced the school to let him inside the building alone on a Sunday, much less with me, a guest.
Leon- Are you building more walls
King- Its nothing so dramatic as my last performance, I'm turning a series of pictures into a life sized sculpture
Leon- That sounds
King- Difficult, long, tedious
Leon- I was going to say creative, but I'm assuming that's how you feel
As I looked around the poor room King began assembling his camera and tripod. He even had special lights set up around the room.
King- Finding a subject willing to take enough pictures to build a sculpture out of has been a challenge
Leon- Why not take pictures of yourself
King- It's impossible to see yourself for what you are until you've seen it through another person's eyes
Leon- Meaning
King- I'd don't do pictures of myself, but you're here
Leon- OK you had me and then you lost me
King- I want to take pictures of you
Leon- That can't happen, I'm already crossing lines just by being here , pictures to recount everything would be too much
King- Your boyfriend will never see them , and even if he does your face will be well out of focus or distorted
Leon- I'm not taking any pictures
He left his camera and found me in the corner of the room while I looked over dried paint markings on the wall. He sat on one of the tables and waited for me to turn back to him.
King- Did you hear about the girl who died at that football game the other night
He spoke so calmly even though the subject matter was grim.
Leon- What , no , that's terrible
King- They say someone from this school did it ,a white tiger, I think he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time
Leon- Why are you so interested in
He cut me off.
King- People are so caught up in his story that they seem to be forgetting about the girl, it's sad
Leon- Yea
He wasn't looking at me , his attention was on something outside. He focused on it for a while and I tried to find what his gaze was set on to no avail. He stood up from his seat and made his way back to his camera.
King- That's what this sculpture is a representation of
Leon- a dead girl from a football game?
King- people are going to be so focused on the pictures that they'll forget it's a sculpture at all
Leon- And that's what you want
King- I want to make people think
Leon- We'll I'm sure with an idea like yours you will, but I can't be the one in those pictures
King- What do you want Leon , do you love him , do you want to love him
Leon- What
King- Your boyfriend , do you love him? I remember the last time we spoke you said you didn't. Has anything changed
Leon- He offered to let me move in with him
King- And yet , somehow you're here
Leon- I told you I'm not going to cheat on
Again he cut me off, not by raising his voice or even beating me to my next word. He spoke and I was muted.
King- You already are, maybe I haven't fucked you , but you're here with me and I'm assuming he doesn't know
His camera was set. He turned it in my direction and I tried to cover my face as he did nothing to hide the fact that he'd started his photo shoot.
Leon- what are you doing
King- Your just like that girl, so focused on one one thing that your forgetting about something else
I walked around the room attempting to get out of focus, out of range, out of sight, but his lens followed.
Leon- stop
King- I don't think you care about your boyfriend anymore than I do , I think your focusing on him to forget about something else
Leon- You really think your that important
King- I'm not talking about me , there's something else to you but your so wrapped up in drama that you can't see it
Leon- Wrapped up in drama
King- Don't get me wrong I still think you should drop the dead wight but I'm not looking to be anything serious ether , not while your the way you are
Leon- I'm leaving
I made my way to the door and he continued to snap away.
King- You don't wanna take pictures then let's talk , I won't bull shit you , I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not your friend, I'm just a guy , a guy you came to see , you came to me
I stood just outside of the room in the hallway with my back turned to King.
King- if you leave you won't be saving your relationship, you'll only be running from the real problem
Leon- and what's my problem, you have all the answers, so please tell me what I'm missing
I waited for a response. With my back still to the entrance I didn't notice him coming up from behind me.
King- your lost , your swimming around doing what you think you want to do when you know exactly what it is that your really after, you think falling in love is the key to breaking the mundane cycle your life has fallen into, but know this isn't right
Leon- you don't know me
King- I know enough, I see enough to know that whatever state your relationship is in now won't last , no relationship you jump into can , not until you stop trying to replace what it is that your really after
There was silence. In an empty high school building there was echo regardless of a song being present.
Leon- I wanted to go to school , I would have been the first of my family to make it out of this town but I couldn't go. My mother
I got choked up.
Leon- She would have killed herself working to put me through school. She could hardly keep the lights on in her house, but she would have slaved herself for me. So I couldn't go , not yet. I thought I'd take a year to save up enough money to pay my own way and keep my mom safe. But the more responsibility I took on the more I realized I was never going to leave this town. I want to leave. I want to find out what my life is outside of the this dead dull place , but I'll never leave because I can't.
He didn't say anything. I pored my heart out and he said nothing. I turned around and he was sitting in chair watching me dry my eyes.
King- your a good son
Leon- shut up
King- I mean it , giving up your dream to stay here and take care of your mother , that's .... that's something but
Leon- but what
King- you shouldn't have to , your watching your life go by , and I get it now , why you try to fix the problem with your boyfriend, you can't leave so your looking for what might have been out there in the world right here on the streets
Leon- it was an app actually
King- whatever ...., its not going to work though, you'll never be satisfied with anyone if you can't go out and do what your heart longs for
Leon- I'm doing the best that I can
I walked away.
King- wait , we aren't done yet
Leon- I am