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CHAPTER IV

Élargissement des les plus sacrés du cheval trous

"We are all children of Mother Gaia, suckling her plump bosom. We ought, I think, flick her tender nips from time to time, returning to her a fraction of the pleasure we have received."

• Søren Kierkegaard

Applejack snorted indignantly as she trotted between the rows of apartments and restaurants lining the street, the buildings' exteriors all covered in graffiti behind a crisscrossing patchwork of police tape. The hick pony grumbled to herself as she walked, too absorbed in thought to notice her hooves crunching over the burnt remnants of signs painted with slogans of the Zebra Lives Matter movement.

"Lousy no-good tail-raisin' whoreson," Applejack muttered. "Tell me Ah can't get no man, will ya? Ah'll show ya sumthin' else, ya girly bitch-boy."

The derelict adult theater of her mind replayed the events that had transpired earlier that morning. Her brother Big Mac, a wildly successful gay porn star, had once again seized the opportunity to tease his sister about the fact that she enjoyed but a small fraction of the plentiful dickings he received in an average work week. Although his intentions held no malice, his taunting succeeded in nudging the already frustrated Applejack over the edge into a turbulent sea of incel rage.

"Ya sayin' Ah couldn't get no dickin' if Ah wanted to!?" she spat.

Big Mac batted his eyelash extensions. "Don't get upset now, honey," he tittered queerly. "I'm merely saying the San Palomino Desert may only be the second driest place in Equestria.Ooooohhh!"

Applejack hurled her cereal bowl against the wall and cursed up a storm as she swore to her brother on their parents' graves that she'd get laid before the day was through. She stomped out of their condominium fuming, kicking the front door off its hinges before setting out for town.

Half an hour later, the earth pony arrived at the center of the busiest shopping district in Ponyville. All around her, consumers darted in and out of stores hunting feverishly for bargains, desperate to distract themselves from the drudgery of their tedious, empty existence.

Applejack decided where she stood was as good a place as any. She inhaled a deep breath, bent forward, and hiked up her tail. "Oh, no!" she called out, projecting her voice behind her as loudly as possible. "Ah accidentally dropped mah house key on the ground! Ah'd better bend over an' retrieve it!"

Crowds of ponies passed her, the majority of them failing to notice the lewd spectacle. The few who caught sight of her glistening roast beef blossom were taken aback.

"That's kind of tragic," one of them mumbled.

"Holy Mormon Jesus!" shouted another.

Applejack waved her rump from side to side. "Darn key!" she shouted. "Seems t'be stuck in the ground but good! Ah sure do hope no well-endowed stallions come up an' take advantage o' mah assets while Ah'm in this here compromisin' position!"

At an upscale bistro across the street, an elderly dowager noticed the display and exclaimed "Oh, my!" before fainting dramatically. Nearby, a refined gentlecolt was so aghast that his monocle flew from his face and landed in a bowl of lobster bisque.

"Ah... Ah been doin' lots of them there Kegel exercises!" Applejack announced, a bead of sweat racing down the side of her face. "Sure would be awful if some frisky mister mounted up an' plunged scrote-deep into mah virginal tightness all unexpected-like!"

A young stallion began to approach her from behind, trembling as he walked. He licked his lips nervously as he contemplated making a move. Before he could step closer, the archangel Justin Timberlake appeared before him and warned, "Ain't no such thing as free booty. Got me?" The stallion nodded at the ancient being's wisdom and continued on his way.

Applejack lowered the brim of her hat to conceal her eyes. "Didn't used ta be this way," she whispered. "You would'a stepped on up ta the plate an' hit one home, wouldn't ya, mah love?"

>>>>>>>> BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE <<<<<<<<

As the harp music faded and the scene came into focus, Applejack peered up at the bright explosions illuminating the sky above the trench where she reclined. Seated beside her was Fernando Teriyaki, an exceptionally handsome alicorn. He had a plush isabelline coat and warm sepia eyes, with a gold mane and moustache that shimmered in even the dimmest light. His cutie mark was a samurai warrior mask with a Valencia rose clutched delicately in its teeth, showing that he was a major badass yet also very sensitive. [Author's Note: Original character. DO NOT STEAL.]

Applejack leaned closer to the strapping vision of pony masculinity next to her and said, "Oh, Fernando! So much needless destruction."

"Hai, my little Spanish flower," his deep voice reassured her. "We must treasure our time together on this battlefield... The battlefield called love."

"But Fernando--!" Applejack gazed deeply into his eyes, her very soul pleading to know his embrace. "We're on opposite sides o' this war, you n' me! How can we ever be tagether?"

Fernando held the shaking mare close, his tight muscles bulging in a totally non-threatening kind of way. "This war... She will not last forever, Apperujack-chan. And when this world knows peace, then our hearts will know the bliss of a life together."

Above the pair, war waged relentlessly. Bombs and grenades lit up the heavens like fireworks. Falling chunks of shrapnel bounced off the magical barrier Fernando had created above them using the incredible power of his Eternity Energy--a special kind of magic no other pony in existence was capable of learning no matter what. [Author's Note: If your character uses this magic, I will track you down and kill your family.]

"Oh, Fernando!" Applejack cried as she fell back. Her womb moaned lasciviously. "Take me! Ah wanna receive yer glorious stallion sauce!"

Fernando cocked his head quizzically. "My... what?"

"You know, yer jolly juice. Yer sausage gravy. Yer pickle puddin'."

Fernando narrowed his piercingly handsome eyes in a look of confusion.

"Oh, fer-- Yer cream pie fillin'. Yer muskrat milk. Yer corndog squeezins. Yer tossed salad dressin'. Yer youngin' yogurt. Yer stud suds. Yer colt custard. Yer ham glaze. Yer pepperoni paste. Yer honeymoon fondue. Yer one-eyed snake venom. Yer pump-action rug shampoo. Yer Gherkin Airlines runway foam. Yer naughty leprechaun coffee creamer."

"Gomenasai, my señorita. I do not understand."

Applejack sighed.

>>>>>>>>>> END OF THE FLASHBACK <<<<<<<<<<

Applejack's head rested on her crossed front legs, her ass still thrust expectantly in the air.Oh, Teriyaki-san... she thought wistfully. The war did end, just like ya said. If only ya hadn't gone n' choked ta death in that bratwurst swallowin' contest, we'd be tagether now...

The persimmon mare's inner monologue was disrupted by the sound of tiny wheels rolling across the pavement. She turned to see Twilight Sparkle approaching on a skateboard. "Aw, fucksticks."

"Hey, Applejerk!" Twilight called. "Airing out the ol' stench trench?"

"Wudda ya want, Twatlight?"

The unicorn leaned back to bring her skateboard to a skidding halt, sending a small dust cloud rolling over Applejack. "Okay, check out this sick new move I invented. I'm going to powerslide into a nollie backside kickflip, nosegrind the base of the Kim Jong-pone statue over there, then finish into a double laser flip. I call it Scissoring in Purgatory."

With practiced exactitude, Twilight positioned her hooves at the four corners of the skateboard and steadied herself. She leapt straight up, kicking the board into her left rear hock. The board escaped her and landed wheels-up two yards away as she fell on her side, hitting the ground with an audible_crack_. "Ow! God damn it! Piece of shit!"

"Very impressive," Applejack said with a nod. "Ah think yer ready fer them Special Equestria Games."

Twilight rolled over and readjusted the denim cap turned backwards on her head. "Ugh... So what's got you in an extra bitchy mood today? Your first cousins all develop standards?"

Applejack looked down and gently kicked at the dirt. "Ah think the ponies in this here town are intimidated by a strong, independent woman such as ma'self. Too timid. Makes a gal feel downright lonesome sometimes." She paused as a flock of seagulls flew overhead, taking great care in how she selected her next words. "Ah guess that's one thing Ah like about you, Twilight. Ya don't let nothin' scare ya. Ya take what ya want. Ah admire that. Why, if ya had a mind ta go an', y'know, expand a mare's horizons, why Ah don't reckon nobody could stop ya. Not even that mare herself, much as she might be kinda curious an' all, even. Thing is, Ah wanna keep an open mind an' not limit ma'self ta--"

"Oh, Applejack!" Twilight exclaimed. "I had no idea you felt this way. I'm so relieved!"

A fierce blush turned Applejack's face brilliantly red. "Ya... R-Really? Ah didn't think... Are ya bein' serious?"

"Nope," Twilight laughed as she skated away.

"Ah see. Real friendly. Y'all go ahead an' eat shit now, y'hear."

"Nice sales pitch, but I'm not buying those tree turds you call apples."

Twilight kicked the road to pick up speed, zooming past a delivery pony carrying a stack of large packages. He struggled to maintain his balance and failed spectacularly, stumbling forward into a produce cart that rolled off its blocks and crashed into the window of a mining supply store filled with dynamite. Both it and the free clinic next door disappeared in a massive explosion.

"Ah hate that purple bitch," Applejack said.

As she fantasized about the unicorn being diagnosed with various types of cancer, the clock tower in the town center struck two. The haunting chimes reverberated through the earth, reminding every nearby pony of the relentless march of time that guided their journey toward oblivion.

"Aw, shitbiscuits!" Applejack yelled. "I'm gonna be late fer Braeburn's funeral!" She took off in a gallop, racing through the mazelike collection of shops stretching between her and Everfree Cemetery.

From the shadows of a nearby alley, Spike watched the gamboge pony disappear into the crowds as he roughly jerked his cock. "Our cities are lies," he groaned. "We are children floating in stygian waters, waiting for the Reaper to beckon us ashore." The lizard lad walloped his rod to a shuddering climax, his dragon chowder splattering across the back wall of Sugarcube Corner like an exploded watermelon.