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At eight-o'clock sharp, the network 'primetime' feed starts.

"Tomorrow night," the announcer declares, voice dripping with anticipation, "it's an all-new episode of the award-winning hit show The Capybaras. They are the chilliest rodents in town ... who are always in hot water!" An image of a stone-faced capybara couple appears on the screen. "Critics are calling it 'weirdly charming.' 'As high-energy as low-energy gets.' 'You must see it'!"

"But, tonight, it's YOUR reality Wednesday!"

"First up, Mouse Your House! Our fabulous mousey fivesome answers harried homeowners' pleas, bringing style and finesse into their wayward abodes!"

"At 8:30, Mouse Your House: Apartment Edition. They can fix that, too!"

"At 9, are you becoming a hoarder? Garage overflowing? Our squirrels can help with that! It's Squirrel Your Stuff."

"And, finally, at 9:30, lucky contestants' street cars get turned into hot rods by our team of plucky mechanics. With 'rattitude.' That's right. Rev up for Rat Your Ride!"

"Only on SCURRY TV. 'Programs to gnaw on'!"

The feed fades to black, leading into an all-new episode of Mouse Your House...

A camera follows a muscular, sandy-furred feline in a tight-fitting t-shirt as he strolls up a driveway. He stops in front of a fancy red sports car, purring, caressing the hood. "Am I right?" he says, giving the camera a grin, tail lazily swerving about.

Interview chair - Blake:"My name's Blake," the feline says. "I'm a cougar, age 28, from California. I'm a professional drone racer."

Footage shows Blake on-site at a drone race, eyes razor-focused on a screen, face contorting and body leaning side to side. He's using a remote control to fly his drone through an obstacle course. As it crosses the finish line, he pumps a fist. "(BLEEP), yeah! Top time! Did you see that? Maybe two inches clearance on either side on that last tunnel. Didn't even scrape it."

Interview chair:"Yeah, it's a real sport, but it's not for weaklings." The camera pushes in closer. "There's speed walking in the Olympics but not drone racing?" He rolls his golden eyes. "(BLEEP) that."

There is more video of Blake at the event, laughing and hanging out with his pals.

Interview chair:"I have world records on _three_different courses. Prize money's been good. Have enough for a house, now! So, I took the plunge." A pause. "Only one problem ... "

The visual cuts to Blake standing in an empty room, paws on hips, scowl on face.

Interview chair:"Yeah, it didn't come furnished or decorated. I got my stuff in there, but ... coming from an apartment, it's not much. Needs some work. Hard to invite the ladies over when it's not equipped, y'know what I mean?" The cougar flashes a toothy grin, waggling his brows. "And when I looked at the price of interior decorators, I was, like, (BLEEP) this. I'll have the mice do it." He pauses uncertainly. "You're, uh ... you're _paying_for this, right?"

Cut to black.

THEME SONG.

The five 'Mouse Your House' team members tour the residence.

They have, suitably, five days to work their magic.

"Oh, my gosh," a wispy male mouse says, placing a pink, furless paw over his heart, doing a little stagger. A blue-grey house mouse. Monticello. People call him Monty for short. "Is this ... is this a color, Edina?" Monty turns in a circle. The camera follows his movements. Every wall is the same. "Is beige a color?"

Edina, a cute gold-and-cream harvest mouse in charge of paint, looks over the room and considers. "A little too warm to be beige."

Interview Chair - Edina:"Beige is actually rather complex." She adjusts her glasses. "It's alternately a pale, sandy fawn, a grayish tan, and--"

_Feed cuts back to house. _

"Such lack of imagination," Monty said.

"We just got here, Monty. Besides, if it were perfect when we showed up, we'd be out of jobs!" Billings, Edina's potential love interest, says. He's also a harvest mouse. An eternal optimist and DIY nerd, he is tasked with construction and electrical work.

"All the rooms are like this." Edina looks to the camera and sighs. "We're gonna need more paint."

"I'll protect you, sweetie," Fridley, Monty's mate, promises. In charge of furniture, the big-eared, brown-and-white deer mouse pats Monty on the head. "Just concern yourself with the décor."

"My décor has to blend with the color of the walls," Monty reminds. "I can't even start until ... " He puts a paw to his forehead, as if the not-technically-beige color is giving off headache fumes. "I just can't even."

Their tails entwine.

The fifth member of the group, in charge of landscaping, is Lonny. A rough-and-tumble grasshopper mouse. He can be seen in the background, out of focus, talking to Blake.

Billings goes up to every electrical outlet to test its functionality. He then looks up at the ceiling lights. "Kinda weak. Mm." His blue eyes widen with excitement. "Could use a chandelier in here, don't you think? Monty?"

"Billy, you always ask such obvious questions."

"I'm gonna go inspect the kitchen," Fridley says, preparing to leave the room. "If you hear screams, it's because there's no table and chairs in there. Just ... bar stools and a counter ... "

Interview Chair - Fridley:"Society _used_to have standards."

As Fridley leaves, Lonny enters the frame, looking off-screen until he's sure Blake is out of earshot. "Hey, guys." He skips a beat for dramatic effect. "Do you think he likes me?"

"Who?" Billings asks.

"The cougar?" Edina echoes. "You think everyone likes you ... remember that coyote a few weeks ago?"

"This is different," Lonny swears. "He just patted my ass!"

"You wish," Monty muttered.

"He did."

"He's straight," Monty assures. "Like, beyond saving."

"I bet they caught it on camera." Lonny looks into the camera, as if awaiting an insert of footage. None occurs.

"You have such a bad gaydar, Lonny," Edina says, taping paint swatches to the wall to determine what looks best. She is already zeroing in on a bright, ocean blue for this room. "He's a total bro. He was probably just playing around with you. That's what they do!"

"Says the straight lady."

Edina squeaks.

"Just cause I'm bi doesn't mean I can't tell," Lonny continues. "And if he's a bro, so what? Just more we have in common. Us howlers are pretty bad ass. We practically chug scorpion venom."

Interview Chair - Lonny:"Disclaimer: don't chug venom, kids."

"I don't think 'bro' means 'bad ass'," Billings points out.

"He's right, dear," Monty says with a helpful nod. "It just means you're an ass."

Lonny scowls, buckteeth jutting from his mouth.

"Besides, cat? Mouse? Drama."

"And you know that from experience?" Lonny challenges.

Monty doesn't reply but gives the camera some side-eye.

Interview Chair - Monty:"Grasshopper mice like to call themselves 'howlers.' So ... yeah." A sigh as the camera zooms in. "That's what we're dealing with, here."

"Where I come from," Lonny continues, as everyone gets to work and tries to tune him out, "mice and cats have been known to hook up."

"Don't they also make a lot of ... meth? Out in the desert?" Monty wonders.

Lonny crosses his arms, tilting his pointy muzzle upward. "Howlers don't quit."

"How can you 'quit' when there's nothing there to start with?" Edina asks, continuing to organize her paint swatches. "What do you think about this one, Billy?"

Interview Chair - Lonny:"They're always doing that. Ganging up on me. Most mice don't like to rock to the boat, y'know? Oh, they talk about it, but they'd never do it. But guess what? I'm a (BLEEP)-ing boat rocker. You know why?" The camera jump-cuts to a different angle. "Cause we don't got boats in the desert, and I don't have any (BLEEP)-ing use for 'em."

The camera eases back but remains focused on the interview chair.

"Blake's hot, okay? The other four are essentially paired off." Lonny counts on his paw. "Monty and Fridley are mated. Edina and Billings are stuck in each other's orbit, and have been for ... whatever. They're gonna do each other at any time. I'm the only true free agent here." The camera zooms in on his face. "I have needs." Another pause. "He has a barbed (BLEEP)!"

"You think you're gonna turn him?" Monty asked. "You?" He shook his head. "Good luck with that!" The house mouse leaves, going after Fridley.

Interview Chair: Lonny casually leans back. "Challenge. (BLEEP)-ing. Accepted."

Cut to black.

COMMERCIAL BREAK.

The camera pans around the living room.

Edina is on a ladder, pushing a paint roller up and down the wall. She is wearing an apron over her clothes. "At the last moment, I ditched 'Greek Siren,' the shade of blue I had been considering ... decided to go with 'Forever Pine,' instead. A very noble forest green." She dips her roller in the paint pan, prehensile tail curling around the side of the ladder.

The camera jump-cuts to a different angle.

"Billy? Yeah, he liked this color the most. But ... " The camera focuses on Edina's face. "But ... y'know, I would've chosen it on my own. Eventually. It's not like I'm trying to impress him or anything! Heh." A shy giggle, self-consciously pushing her glasses up her muzzle. She then swallows, insisting, "This color really gives a feeling of rustic relaxation, of spiritual wholeness. Even more important since Blake isn't exactly ... well ... maybe it'll rub off on him!"

Blake, as if on cue, walks into the room to inspect the goings on. "Niiice," the tawny cat says, giving a double thumbs up. "So, uh, where's my 4K going? I thought it could go right there."

"Your TV?" Edina stops what she's doing. The camera whip-pans between Blake and her. "I thought ... but I thought it was going in the_gaming_ room."

"Well, one of them is. I figure, like, I need a TV in every room, right? And if I have them all on the same channel, I can walk from room to room and not miss anything!"

The mouse exhales, whiskers twitching. "Did ... did you _know_about this, Monty?" she asks the house mouse as he, too, enters the room.

Monty pauses to compose himself, seeing she is painting with a color he hadn't expected. "You told me 'Greek Siren' ... "

"I switched it up."

"To a cursed Gothic forest?"

"Blue's going in the bedroom, now."

"I see ... well, that's good. He can feel like he's drowning in an ocean of sleep."

"Did you know about the TV's in every room?"

"I planned all the décor for this room on blue," Monty says quietly.

"I told Fridley to let you know," Edina replies, as politely as possible.

"You know Fridley doesn't hear anything when he's got a new sofa ... "

Interview Chair - Monty:"Fridley loves a plush seat."

Cut to another room.

Fridley walks around a pillowy, burgundy couch. He traces the arms and back with the claw of a single, furless finger.

Interview Chair - Fridley:"Sure, a futon is cheap and versatile. A futon fits Blake." A pause. "But when _I_put my body against something?" He lowers his voice. "I want ... luxury."

Billings enters the room, finding the deer mouse sprawled out on a pillowy, thousand-dollar sofa.

"Should I, uh, leave you two alone?"

An exasperated Fridley blows out a breath, staring at the ceiling.

Interview Chair:"That's the problem with a five-person team." His whiskers twitch. "There's always traffic."

Cut back to the 'Forever Pine' room.

"What made you change your mind?" Monty presses, tail noodling about. "Y'know, just asking ... out of curiosity."

"I ... I had a feeling," Edina says, not exactly lying.

Monty raises a brow, waiting for more.

"Colors inspire moods, and I was feeling ... green," Edina elaborates.

"Maybe you're coming down with something. Scurvy, maybe."

"I'm not sick," Edina insists. She remains on the ladder, two rungs up, allowing her to visually tower over Monty.

The house mouse put his paws on his hips and said, "Well ... I mean, I guess all that yellow and gold stuff I got to color complement a blue room won't look tacky in green one."

"That's the spirit!"

"It'll just look like he has a citrus fetish."

"Well. Maybe he does!" Edina replies, returning to her painting.

"Maybe." Monty crosses his arms, visibly twitching, refusing to leave.

The camera pushes past the mice to a bewildered Blake.

Interview Chair - Blake:"(BLEEP)-ing mice, man."

Cut to outside of house.

Front yard.

Lonny is on his knees, digging, planting, mulching.

"I'm from the desert, so ... yeah. You wouldn't think I'd be good with plants and landscaping. But here I am!"

Interview Chair - Monty:"Lonny _always_has to remind you where he's from. We get it, okay? Try getting an identity. Do I go around telling everyone I'm from Minnesota? No." He pauses. "Do I look like an ice fisherman? I don't have the ass to pull off a tail-sock."

Lonny takes off his shirt, flexing a bit. "Gotta keep cool." He pauses hopefully. "Is Blake out here?" The cameraman gestures 'no.' "Oh ... "

Footage shows Lonny walking through the yard, scribbling on a notepad with a blue ink pen.

"This space is pretty basic. Could really be spruced up! I don't think we can get away with planting any big trees, though. Or anything that would become big. We'd get in trouble with the homeowners association." He points, changing directions. "Need to leave enough space to have outdoor gatherings. Blake says he likes to party. Or, as he pronounced it, 'par-tay.' But, yeah, a semi-dwarf pear over there, maybe ... yeah ... in the corner." An enthusiastic nod. "Some bushes on the left side of the house, with a brick barrier built around them. Classy! First, though, I'm going to put flowers around the front base of the house. Perennials. Low upkeep."

Back in the 'present,' the camera moves, handheld-style, to Blake as the cougar comes out the front door. Seeing Lonny, Blake walks his way.

The grasshopper mouse, still shirtless on his knees with dirt on his paws, tries to play it cool by not looking up.

"Hey, man," the cougar says, crossing his muscular arms. "Gussying things up?"

"Oh! Blake! Hah, yeah, dude. Gussying," the mouse squeaks, promising, "When I'm done, everyone who goes by will ogle this place with envy."

"Awesome! That's what I'm after."

"So, uh ... what brings you out here? Don't trust me? Heh. I know it's not often that a mouse serves under a cat, but ... y'know, I'm sure it's happened before ... "

The cougar laughs, missing the innuendo. "Nah, man. You're good!" The feline looks at the window, ears cocking. He can still hear the mice squeaking. "It's getting a bit stuffy in there, y'know what I mean?"

Cut to living room.

The other four mice are all present.

"I think 'Forever Pine' looks better than 'Greek Siren'," Billings said, unsurprisingly taking Edina's side. "Has such a refreshing vibe!"

"Thank you, Billy! It does, doesn't it?"

"This green makes me feel like I'm being stabbed by pine needles ... in the back," Monty tells Fridley, who was supportively massaging his mate's shoulders.

"Maybe you have a pinched nerve," Edina suggests.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Monty muttered. "What with all the heavy lifting I do on this show ... "

Cut to outside.

"You seem like you have it all, Blake," Lonny mentions. "Career, home. An obscure amount of fame. Where's the girlfriend?"

"Don't got one! I just moved, yeah, so don't know anyone around here yet. And I travel a lot for drone races." The feline shrugged. "Not worried, though! Something'll happen soon enough. Usually does."

"Let's hope so," Lonny said, giving the camera a private look.

Cut to black.

COMMERCIAL BREAK.

Billings, having mounted Blake's 4K's everywhere but the kitchen, which Edina has already painted, is taking a break to install dimmable, miniature flood lights above the kitchen sink.

"I just love lighting. I mean, you can't see anything without it, right? Hah! Now, I prefer dimmable lights above a sink because if you're getting up for a glass of water in the middle of the night, you don't want a full-on spotlight shining in your face. Hard to get back to sleep after that! Also, it doubles as 'mood lighting' for that romantic dinner you've been meaning to have with Edi ... with that lucky lady." He clears his throat. The camera zooms in on his ears, which are blushing. "But, uh ... now, as far as outlets near the sink, this is a bit of a controversy! You don't want them too close to a water source, but how close is too close?"

Fridley, arranging and polishing the new kitchen table and chairs, gives the camera a 'what is he talking about' look.

Interview chair - Fridley:"I suppose he can't help but be boring. He's straight." A head-tilt. "I guess that's what Edina sees in him."

Cut to Edina and Monty. _ _

The 'green' room is finished, including furniture, and the bedroom is also nearly done. Edina is just removing the painter's tape from the edges while Monty sets up his décor.

"Blake suggested 'Red Passion' for the walls in here, but Monty and I both agreed to stick with a cooler color," Edina explains. "This shade of blue promotes relaxation and restfulness!"

"Well, it's typical straight guy thinking, isn't it?" Monty adds. "Oh, red is sexy, let me make the bedroom red, then it'll be sexy time all the time!" He rolls his eyes, tail zipping about. "Bitch, get some sleep."

"After this, we'll work on the bathroom," Edina says. "Billy's putting the finishing touches on the kitchen. We did the dining room and living room, doing the bedroom now ... tomorrow, we'll be done! Another house successfully moused!"

"Hooray," Monty deadpans.

Interview Chair - Edina:"Monty uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism. I know he loves the rest of us, and the show! Why would he still be here otherwise?"

Interview Chair - Monty:"I tried a real job once." He pauses. "Newsflash: the customer is always wrong."

"Monty, can you put these paint cans back in the garage for me?"

Making his voice exaggeratedly deeper, Monty says, "Sure thing, miss!"

Cut outside, to Lonny.

The grasshopper mouse is in the driveway, admiring his handiwork. Camera then cuts to the garage, where he's arranging garden tools and equipment.

"Blake will probably just hire a gardener rather than handle the upkeep himself, but I feel it's important to have your tools well-organized. By type and, within type, by size."

"Yo, Lonny, dig the yard, man!" Blake says as he enters the garage. The camera quickly turns to the bouncy cougar, seemingly always on the go. "Hah, get it? Dig? Yard?"

Lonny does his best genuine laugh. "Good one!"

The big, brawny feline sidles up beside the mouse, putting an arm around him.

Lonny's eyes widen. He looks at Blake's chest and then stares off to the side at the camera.

"So, good news, man!"

"Oh?"

"We were talkin' about how I didn't have a girlfriend. Well, I'm at the coffee shop, and I meet someone. Just like that! What are the odds? She's a fox. Literally. Gonna bring her to the housewarming party." ( Mouse Your House end credits traditionally feature a 'housewarming' party to celebrate the team's work that week.)

"Oh ... "

"Cool, right?"

"Right," Lonny said, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"Anyway, I'm off to practice for my next race."

"Um, okay! Sure. See ya ... " Lonny sighs, whiskers drooping dejectedly.

The camera turns and spies Monty's head peeking through the doorway, quickly ducking from view.

Interview Chair - Monty:"Alright, you caught me. I feel sorry for him, okay?" The house mouse slumps back in the chair, crossing his arms. "I have emotions. You happy?"

Cut to kitchen, where Billings has finished with his work.

Fridley is still fiddling with the furniture. _ _

"Looks great, Billy!" Edina says, clasping her paws behind her, swaying back and forth.

"Well, I mean ... it's nothing without the color of the walls, y'know?" Billings' ears are starting to blush again. "So, really, you're more responsible than me!"

"Thanks, but, like, you wouldn't be able to see the colors without proper lighting!" Edina counters.

"Yeah, maybe. But--"

Interview Chair - Fridley:"You could cut the sexual tension with a butterknife."

Cut to garage.

Monty pretends to be looking for something as he makes his way over to Lonny.

"What do you want?" the grasshopper mouse asks quietly.

"I'm not a scorpion. I surrender!" When Lonny doesn't respond to his attempt at humor, Monty clears his throat and gets right to it. "So, things didn't work out with you and Blake, huh?"

"Yeah, I know. You warned me." A twitch. "Brag all you want."

"Actually," Monty said, leaning against a metal shelving unit. "I thought I might introduce you to a friend of Fridley's."

"I'm sure whoever it is wouldn't be interested in me... "

"He's an antelope squirrel. Named Rodey. No barbs, but ... he is unattached."

"Antelope squirrels ... aren't they from the desert, too?" the grasshopper mouse asks, starting to perk.

"Mmhmm."

Interview Chair - Monty:"I give it a month. They're both crazy. But, hey ... " A shrug as he tries to downplay his niceness. "I mean, can't have Lonny moping on the show! It'll drive off viewers."

Cut to black.

COMMERCIAL BREAK.

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BEGIN END CREDITS.

Housewarming party.

Outside, the sun is setting. Chatter and merriment occur within.

"To another house successfully moused!" Fridley cheers, raising a glass.

Monty clinks glasses with him and gives the deer mouse a kiss.

"We're at, what, 60-something? Houses?" Fridley says. "Time flies, doesn't it? I think it's over sixty. Season 1 was 13 episodes. Seasons 2 and 3 were 22, and we're 9 episodes into Season 4 ... so, um ... " The deer mouse was trying to verify his math.

"The important thing," Monty assures, grabbing Fridley's shirt collar, "is that 69 is coming up soon."

"That's right." Fridley smiles and reaches for his mate's ropy tail. He lowers his voice. "How soon?"

Monty smirks as he pulls an excited, semi-tipsy Fridley off camera.

"Eek!"

Blake, flanked by a vixen in a very short skirt, is scarfing down some food and saying, "Hey, babe, wanna fly my drone?"

Lonny's whiskers twitch.

Interview Chair - Lonny:"Pretty sure that was a euphemism ... right?"

Billings and Edina, meanwhile, are nowhere to be seen ...

Cut to hallway.

The camera roves room to room, stops at an open door, drifts to the next.

This one is ... closed?

Locked.

Sounds can be heard behind it.

Squeaks!

Muffled moans.

"Oh, Billy!"

The creaking of a bouncing mattress is unmistakable.

Slick, slapping noises, too.

"Ah, ah, Edina!"

"(BLEEP)!"

The camera shakes as it backs away, quickly returning to the party.

END OF EPISODE.

The announcer is back.

"Thanks for watching! Tune in next Wednesday for another entertaining new episode of Mouse Your House! Up next, though: Mouse Your House: Apartment Edition! The town mice visit a historic skyrise to renovate a socialite skunk's new 'old' pad. Can they satisfy her elegant demands? Will they get over their phobia of elevators? Find out now!"