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The Call of the Void

By XP Author

The car pulled to a stop, fitting neatly between the little lines designated for parking. The door opened, and a foot came out, stepping to the ground. The rest of the woman came after. Lauren closed the door behind her, taking a deep breath. The air was fresher here than in the city itself, smelling of salt water and freshly cut grass, and that slight smell of life that oceans always had. The sound of the water nearby was soothing. In the day, it would be mixed with the sound of seagulls and children playing and laughing. Now, in the dimming light of the setting sun, it was quieter.

Lauren stepped onto the stone path away from the parking lot, following the slightly curved path to a viewing area. A waist-high metal railing lined the edge of the grass. Beyond, the fox could see the ocean. The slight breeze that came off was cool, making waves gently lap at the rocks below. The viewing area was at the top of a cliff, an old lighthouse a half mile down the road, sitting at the end of a small peninsula. The tall building had a pattern of alternating thick red and light yellow stripes along the long structure. The light atop was light, casting its light out for ships that never came anymore. It was more of a tourist spot these days. Lauren had visited it as a child, as almost any local had done, on some school trip.

Her attention was instead at the water below her. The cliff was not a tall one. Only twenty or twenty-five feet. Only a little higher than if she were standing on the roof of her house. Yet it seemed so much farther. Falling from this height would hurt, but she would probably survive. Except for the rocks. They were wet and glistening, hidden partially in shadow as the sun set to her left, but she could see the sharp edges of several. If her head were to strike one, it would probably kill her. Even if it didn't, she would be unconscious, or too badly hurt to fight against the waves as they pulled her under. Even if she managed to miss the rocks, the water might take her anyway, drag her down into the darkness, where she might never return.

Lauren wasn't sure why she had these thoughts. She wasn't suicidal. She had no reason to be depressed. In fact, her life was going quite well. She was quite successful at her job, selling a computer security suite to companies. Sure, she wasn't the most successful in her department, but she wasn't at risk of being laid off or fired. She had many friends that she liked to spend time with. She was married to a lovely man, the love of her life, Jim, who was also successful in his own career as a history teacher at the university. They had a nice house in the nice part of town. She had two lovely children, Susan at 7 and David at 5, and she adored them both. They were good children, well behaved, as children went.

And yet... she always had the thoughts. The urge. The call to... end it. Herself. She came to the cliff and looked out once every week. Every Friday, after work, she would come here instead of going home. She would stand where she was now, and imagine herself stepping over the cliff. Even now, she pulled herself up, over the railing, on the other side of its moderate safety. The edge of the cliff was only three or four steps away. She let go of the railing, a thrill in her chest. It would be so easy. The breeze picked up, and it felt like it was trying to push her forward, to urge her to fall, to give in, to listen to the call. She closed her eyes, and felt no fear. She was calm, even serene. It would be so easy to just let her self pitch forward a little. Gravity would do the rest...

She let out a sigh, leaning back against the railing and taking hold again. The metal was cold against her palms, the blue paint chipped and flaking at spot. She climbed back over to the 'safe' side, brushing some of the paint flakes off of her slacks. She was more afraid of someone coming by and seeing her than she was of falling. She had never told anyone of these urges. She knew they were wrong, and people would judge her if she told them. They would think she was depressed, or worse, just crazy. She could lose her job, her husband... her children... locked into a padded room. It would be losing her life without losing her life. She also knew that was just an overreaction, too. But people would still always act different if they knew, worried about 'setting her off' or something like that. They couldn't understand. The urge wasn't depression, it wasn't a 'call for help' or the only way out. It was... oddly comforting.

After another few minutes, she knew she had to get home. Jim would be home by now, and her kids would need dinner. She turned and made her way back down the path to her car. She would be back next week, to stare out at the water. She wondered if one of these days, they would find her broken body, washed ashore after she took that final step. Or perhaps, she would never be found. Just vanish under the waves and disappear forever. As she got into her little car, that thought made her... smile.

* * *

The glow of the computer screen was all that lit the little room. She had been unable to sleep. She had found herself staring at the kitchen knife when making dinner, the urge to plunge it into her own throat almost overwhelming. Of course, she hadn't done that. She had cut the carrots and potatoes instead. Like the cliff, it was not the first time she had thought of it. The thoughts didn't go away, either. Even while she was making love to her husband, the pleasure did nothing to stop her thoughts. While he was behind her, inside of her, she wanted him to reach around, suddenly holding that same knife, bringing it to her throat and slicing her neck open while filling her. She would die in his arms, filled with his love... the thought had made her have to bite the pillow to keep from screaming so loud as to wake the children.

She looked at the time. 3:03 AM. It was a good thing she didn't have work tomorrow. She turned her attention back to the forum she was browsing. People posted stories of death, sharing dark and twisted thoughts. Most of them also involved rape, too, but that wasn't really her focus. She had dabbled in the roleplay section for a while, but it became very clear very quickly that it was just a bunch of edgy and horny teenagers wanting to get off, pretending to beat and hurt a woman in a space they couldn't get in trouble for their fantasies. She didn't judge them. She was twisted in her own way. There were also some creeps, who were looking for victims to actually rape and abuse. It was usually pretty easy to find them, too. She had toyed with the idea of letting one, but she knew they just wanted sex. The idea was a fun one, but she had no desire to ever cheat on her husband, even in a virtual space. Not that she considered porn cheating. She knew her husband watched it, they had even enjoyed some together. But roleplaying with an actual person was something else. The only way she could accept it is if she was dead first. Then... then maybe.

She did make a few friends, though. One called herself SereneJean211. At least, Lauren was pretty sure it was a she. Can never be sure online. She had been talking to Jean for a few weeks, after posting about her urges to kill herself. The forums was the only place she ever felt comfortable talking about it. Jean had responded, saying she had similar urges, even after she got over her depression. The two had grown close through DMs. Jean was apparently a preschool teacher, and with Jim being a college professor, they had bonded over stories of students. Lauren had even told some tales of when her children were in preschool.

Jean kept insisting that Lauren join another forum, one only found on the darkweb. Something called D-Gen Cafe. Lauren wasn't sure, though. With her own job, she knew all about darkweb sites, and how dodgy they could be. Most were just money scams, and this Cafe did apparently have a membership. A pretty expensive one, too. Jean insisted that it was legit, though, and left the offer of an invitation open. That was two weeks ago. The fox had to admit, she was pretty curious. Jean had been somewhat cagey about the details, but apparently this Cafe place hosted videos of actual deaths. Uncensored ones, unlike those on most shock sites these days. Most of those were staged or heavily edited down.

Her curiosity finally had gotten the better of her tonight. Thanks to her job, her computer had all kinds of security additions, including IP masking programs. After she was satisfied with the precautions, she pulled up a TOR browser and went to the invite link Jean had given her. Immediately, she was redirected four times, the site's home address likely having to constantly shift and move around to avoid being properly traced. Eventually she landed on a cover page. The name was splashed above a login box. D-Gen Cafe, with the 'D' in a stylized little coffee mug, animated steam billowing out of the top. "Cute."

She clicked the option to register a new username. It asked for a reference code, which Jean had also given. It also asked for money, using one of the more popular forms of Crypto. She had anticipated this, getting herself an online crypto wallet that could instantly convert the money to a dozen different kinds of crypto, including three she had never even heard of. She was presented with a few different membership options for the cafe. A monthly charge, or buying it in a few packs, including a full year, which of course the site said was the most cost efficient, at nearly 15% off of a monthly fee. She still went for just a month, not willing to drop the several hundred dollars a full year would cost her, in case this did turn out to be some elaborate prank.

The matter of her username was a bit trickier. She didn't want to use her normal one of LPVixxy. Nothing that would make it easy to track her down. After thinking about it for a while, she tried EdgeCase. She was told it was taken, and a few alternate variations were presented, most of them with a string of numbers at the end. LedgeCase was the same. On a whim, she tried SecMaid, a variation of something women in her industry were called, Security Maidens. To her surprised it wasn't taken. She figured there would be some kind of wait before she could login and see anything, but again was surprised when it gave her the approval and spat her onto a fairly standard forum page. It looked like most message boards she had seen.

There were a lot of options to choose from. There was a few discussion sections, such as favorite kinds of kills, favorite victims, preferred ways to be killed, and so on. There seemed to be quite an extensive media section, as well. It seemed specific users got their own sections to post whatever they wanted. Some of the names were amusing. Monster_T-Bro, SJFillet, MJ_Busbitch, and other funny usernames. She clicked on one from someone named SamDBorse. Inside, there were other threads, each one with a title like 'Big man' or 'Funny Guy.' She opened one, and gasped. There was a video embedded, with several screenshots under it, presumably from the video. They showed some massive... Laura wasn't sure. It looked like a horse, but with distinctly bovine features. She couldn't even say it was a woman, as while they had some impressively massive breasts, they also had an impressively massive shaft.

Though what really made her gasp was the screenshot of that cock jammed into the mouth of a ferret... and poking back out of the other end of their severed neck, the head removed entirely from the body. She clicked play on the video, and it quickly got to the action. The ferret was a bit feminine, and tied to a bed. He also had quite the swollen eye. It wasn't long before that was the least of his worries. After spouting some insult, the horse...bovine... she had to guess hybrid... started to beat the man mercilessly. Laura winced as the audio picked up the crack of several bones. Soon, the man's face was bloody and battered. But that was not the end of his torment as a wicked knife was suddenly shown, and soon dragged across his chest and belly to draw no small amount of blood from him. Eventually, the knife was dragged across his throat, even more blood pouring out. The screams stopped before the cutting, but eventually the head was fully removed. It was then that the killer started to fuck it, using the head like a toy until they sprayed a massive load onto the man's headless body. The video ended after the hybrid stomped on the skull to crush it under their hoof.

Laura just stared at what she had seen. That... that was a real murder. Or the most realistic fake she had ever seen. She went to another, someone named JD_JR. He was a tall, skinny deer stag. His latest one showed him wrapping something around the neck of a punkish hamster. The woman suddenly collapsed, grasping at her neck, trying to get the thing off. The view suddenly shifted to another angle, and Lauren saw the thing was a ziptie. The hamster writhed around, kicking and flailing as she strangled for several minutes. Eventually, she finally died, and the stag started to strip her down, leaving only the ziptie on her. He then proceeded to have his way with her corpse, though he was almost gentle with her, even as he started to ram himself deeper than she likely could take comfortably. He eventually finished inside, but pulled out to spray a few shots onto her small, pierced tits. The video ended with him giving a wave to the camera.

She checked several more of the posts. It seemed that almost all of them involved rape as well as murder. Some were cleaner kills, like JD_JR, but others were... brutal. A fox called Vivian_Rightly had several videos where they used different kinds of saws and power tools to completely eviscerate people, resulting in the final product barely recognizable as the person it once was. SJFillet was... an odd one. It seemed like a teenage dog doing a cooking show, with the main ingredients being dead people. That was... honestly fascinating to watch. There was a kind of respect given to the dead bodies, even as they were carved up to literally be used in a meal. Lauren had to admit, she would not mind that happening to her after she died.

She decided that she had seen enough of the videos. For now, at least. She instead went to a forum about posting pictures. Some were murders, some were just people posting themselves in the hopes a killer would find them. She smiled, the urge to do that coming to her. But she wouldn't want to risk some violent person hurting her husband or kids. As she scrolled through, she saw some were edited photos, showing various ways the person would like to be snuffed. While most were pretty amateur edits, some were impressive.

Fatigue was starting to take her, though. She looked at the clock and saw it was getting close to 5:00 am now. She decided that was enough of this for now, but... she would definitely be coming back later. Before everything, she made sure to do a full sweep to delete any history of her being on the site. Jim knew very little about how that sort of thing worked, but it would be just her luck that he would accidentally stumble into it this time. Once she was sure she had covered her tracks, she shut the computer down. She made her way back to the bedroom, crawling under the sheets to cuddle up against her lover. Almost on instinct, his arm draped across her as she nuzzle up close, and she smiled. She finally falling asleep in his arms, her head filled with dreams of her own demise, now with new detail and variations.

* * *

The next day was a fairly normal and mundane one. After an understandably late start, she had spent most of it with her kids. With the weather turning warmer, Lauren and Jim decided to take them out to the park. It wasn't until they were heading home after a fun day that she even realized that she hadn't imagined herself dying once. That was a nice change. Normally, the sight of the tire swing was enough for her to start imagining what it would be like for her own body to be hanging from a pole or tree, rope around her neck, squeezing the life out of her as she dangled. She had wondered if she would kick and flail, or hang limp and accept it, eagerly letting herself fall to nothingness. Yet today, it was just a tire swing.

The decided to eat out for dinner, picking up some burgers and chicken fingers. The kids especially loved that, and seeing them so happy always brought a smile to her face. But that night, she was unable to sleep again. Jim had been a little too worn out from their day out to do much more than some cuddling, and soon he was asleep, leaving her with her own thoughts. It did not take long for her thoughts to turn to the videos and pictures she had seen the night before. After mulling it over, she decided to go back to the site. She had paid for a membership, after all. Even if she wasn't going to renew it, she might as well use it while it lasted.

As she set the security making up, it struck her as so strange again that she kept having fantasies about her own death with such a happy home. Now more than ever. It seemed for most, at least on D-Gen, the idea of death was a sexual one. While she did not deny that seeing so many sexy people was... well... sexy... the idea of her own death was never an arousing one. With the only exception being the thoughts of her husband doing it while they made love. But even then, it was only arousing when she thought of it while fucking. Before or after, it was just something to think about, if fondly. It never made her wet.

Once she was logged in, she saw she had a message waiting for her. Clicking on it, she blinked several times. It was from the user SereneJean112. No way that was a coincidence. As soon as she opened it, she knew it wasn't.

SereneJean112:Hey! Thanks for using my friend code! Since I've only ever given it out to 3 people, and 1 of them isn't with us anymore, I have a coin flip to guess who this is. So, I'm guessing... ChillDanniHeat? Hit me up whenever! I'm on here most nights.

She chuckled a little, typing in her reply. _Sorry, wrong side of the coin. It's LPVixxy. Decided to finally see what all of this nonsense you keep talking about was. This place is... extreme._She hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should so readily reveal who she was, but shrugged and hit send anyway. She then clicked on Jean's name, loading up her profile. "Oh." The profile showed a real photo. A rabbit, standing fully nude, the picture taken using a phone and a full-body mirror. She had splotchy tan fur with darker marks dotted around seemingly at random. She was a little skinny, with a small set of breasts, and light brown hair cropped short. She also had several more pictures she had apparently posted. Just as she was going to click on them, she noticed she got another message.

Sure enough, it was Jean. LP! HEY! Glad you finally took up my offer! Never thought you would! Hope the sexy stuff hasn't scared you off. I know you said that isn't a big thing for you. But there's a bunch of stuff to see here. Totally check out my gallery if you want! I won't ask to see you, don't worry. I just have nothing to hide, you know? I mean, I'm out here hoping some killer finds me, after all! lol I did some editing to a bunch, made it look like I'm dead or dying. I'm not very good at it, but getting better. Still exciting to see myself like that. Tell me what you think!

Lauren chuckled again, sending a reply. Thanks. Some of it is a bit much. And I was just about to look at the gallery. Jean always came across as very excited when they talked about dying. It was nice to know it actually was another woman, and not some fat slob jacking off to her issues. Going back to Jean's profile, she saw it listed that the bunny was 26. Only four years younger than herself. She clicked on the gallery. There were a lot of pictures. Like she had said, quite a few were edited to look like she was in some state of dead or dying. One with her head cut off, another with multiple stab wounds, one with the knife still in her chest. Another had a rope around her neck, but it didn't look edited. She really had nearly strangled herself for the picture. Lauren's mind immediately imagined herself in the noose, smiling for the camera before kicking a stool out from under herself. She again wondered if she would struggle or not.

As she went through, she got to older pictures. Less of them were edited in any way, and more just the woman showing herself off in various places. The same bedroom that most of the edited ones were staged in, she guessed Jean's actual bedroom. There was a few with her surrounded by a lot of children's toys. She remembered the woman said she worked at a preschool, so those must have been taken there after hours. Then she passed one and had to do a double take. Jean was standing and smiling at the camera, wearing a grey hoodie and holding up a peace sign. She was outside, the view of the ocean seen just past her, and to the side, a red and yellow lighthouse. It was the cliffs. HER cliffs! The ones she had stood on so many times, imagining herself tumbling over into the water. She would recognize them anywhere!

She quickly opened up the messanger and hastily typed. Uh so i was looking at your pics and i found one with you on cliffs over a beach. With the lighthouse behind you? Is that local to you?

She tapped her foot as she waited for the reply. It seemed like it took forever, but the time stamp said it was only 9 minutes. Oh! Yeah! Love that place. It's not exactly local, but it's pretty close. Next town over. About an hour maybe an hour and a half drive. Still worth the trip every time. I love standing up there and looking out at the waves, imagining myself drowning under them. Just the thought of how easy it would be to dive in and never come back up, even with people so close. Surprised that it isn't a popular suicide spot. Too public, I guess. I haven't been in a few months, though. I did do a tour of the lighthouse when I was a kid, but I'm pretty sure every kid in the area has at some point. All the schools like to go there for field trips every year. It's not super exciting, just a big building with stairs to the top, but it is one hell of a view up there. It's a kind of local history thing, you know. Too bad it's not open to anyone to just go up to the top. I'd love to stand up there and look at that big drop into the waves.

She stared at the words on her screen. That proved it, at least to her. It had to be the same place. It was identical to the one she knew, and even the story of school trips was the same. Though thinking about it rationally, she suspected any town with an old lighthouse probably had similar stories. But everything else... it looked the same. She had to risk it and ask. You... wouldn't by any chance happen to live near a city named Galeford, would you?

Again, the wait for a reply was agonizing. 12 minutes later, she got it.Yeah! Well, sort of. Like I said, I'm about an hour away from it. Smaller town called Palace. Why? Planning a trip to see the place? I could give you a tour, if you don't mind meeting a total stranger from the internet. Don't worry, I'm more interested in my own death, so you're safe. lol

She licked her lips, finding them suddenly dry as she leaning back in the chair. She felt a flutter of nervous excitement in her chest. She knew where Palace was. It really was about an hour drive east, just along the interstate. For weeks, she had been talking to someone practically in her own backyard about her fantasies of dying, and she never knew. A part of her wanted to panic, making wild assumptions that this was some kind of setup, a stalker, or possibly some kind of elaborate government setup. But again, her rational mind knew how unlikely that was. Jean had never asked to meet, and had been very aware of the boundaries she had set, never trying to cross them.

After thinking for a long time, she started typing again. No. I live in Galeford. It was all she could think to write.

The reply came in only 6 minutes this time. NO WAY! That's wild! We should totally meet up! No, sorry, I know you're not up for that. But that's wild! Who knew we were practically neighbors! I wonder if we've ever bumped into each other before? Probably not. I don't really go to the city very often. Not since I was a teen going to concerts. I only ever go to see the cliffs these days. Guess we could have seen each other there? Haha! Ships passing in the night right next to a lighthouse! Almost romantic.

A minute later, another message came through. Being serious, if you ever do want to meet, I'd be down. I know it's not your thing, but we could just talk. I promise I'm not trying to creep on you, but I've never been able to talk to anyone in person about my snuff fetish. I couldn't even bring it up with my therapist. It would be nice to have a friend I could be so open to, you know? I'll even buy lunch or whatever! But if you don't, I understand. I won't bring it up again, but I had to throw the offer out there.

She smiled. As much as that overreacting part of herself wanted to panic again, she didn't read anything deeper into the offer. It honestly felt genuine, and she could relate. She hadn't ever told anyone, either. Not in person, and even talking about it on forums felt strange. She eventually replied. Maybe. I'll have to think about it. But it would be nice to talk to someone about this... stuff. So maybe some time. But not soon. It's a lot to think about.

Hey, I understand. Let me know, and we can set up a meeting. Somewhere public! And if you decide not to, then that's fair. Just hope you'll keep talking to me on here or the other forums. Wouldn't want something like a coincidence to scare off one of my friends.

She smiled. Thanks for understanding. And I'll keep talking with you here. But I should try and get to bed, it is getting late. Thanks again for showing me to the site, at least. It's... given me ideas. For better or worse. With that, she logged off and went through the routine to scrub the history again. The site had definitely given her ideas, but now there was someone so close. It was a little scary, but also exciting. Maybe she could meet this person, and actually have a friend to talk to about the fantasies. Someone that wouldn't think she was crazy. Or at least, someone as crazy as she was. That thought brought a smile to her lips as she snuggled up against her husband, soon drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Lauren sipped at her tea, tapping her foot with a nervous energy that did not match the calming slow jazz playing around her. She had never been to this particular cafe before, which made sense. It was quite a bit away from where she lived. Though it had a pretty nice atmosphere, and friendly service. It also had very large windows that looked out onto the street, so anyone could see inside as well as out. She could see why Jean had picked this place to meet. Her ears perked up as she heard the door, looking up and smiling. Her new friend walked in, just as nervous as she was, if not more. The skinny rabbit had even dressed up, it seems. Nothing overly fancy, but the light green, long-sleeve polo fit her well, though she did not have much figure to show off. The skirt was also nice, hanging just past her knees, in a literal rainbow of colors, though slightly muted from the typical vibrancy most rainbow patterns went for.

When she waved, Jean spotted her and smiled. She made her way over, slipping into a seat beside her at the small table. "Hey! You made it! I hope you didn't have any problems finding the place!"

She smiled. "Nah, the directions were pretty simple. It was harder to find somewhere to park." This was actually the third time they were meeting in person. The first two had been in her city. She decided to visit Jean's this time. "You going to order something?"

The rabbit shook her head. "N-no... not this time." She looked at the woman beside her. "So, what excuse did you use to get away?"

Lauren shrugged. "The truth. I'm meeting a friend. We're in the slow part of the year at work, so taking time off isn't hard." She tapped her small purse, which sat on the table in front of her. "I still have my phone if anyone needs to get a hold of me. But the kids are still in school for another few months, and the semester at the college Jim teaches at ends around the same time, so I shouldn't have to worry about anyone needing me at least until the evening." She shifted. "What about you? Shouldn't you be tending to a bunch of little ones at the preschool?"

Jean winced a little. "AH... yeah, that's..." Her long ears fell back a little as she looked away. "I'm not at the preschool anymore..."

The fox blinked in surprised. "What? Why not? You didn't quit, did you?"

Jean looked away. "I did, but... only so they didn't have to find an excuse to fire me..."

Lauren reached out, resting a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Fire you? What happened?"

The young rabbit took a deep breath and held it, closing her eyes while she did. It was clear she was fighting to keep her emotions in check. When she let out the breath, it was still a little shaky. "Some of the parents found out about my... past... and started to make noises at my boss. Apparently they didn't feel comfortable with their little ones being around someone that tried to commit suicide." She let out a snort. "The way they're talking, it's like they think I'm trying to lure the kids away for some death cult, like a fucking fae or the Pied Piper or something." She let out another sigh. "I mean, they already hated me, so it was just another excuse."

Lauren tilted her head. "Why would they already hate you?" The rabbit just gave her a glance. "Oh... right." She pat the woman's shoulder gently. "Well, I'm sure you'll find another job soon enough. You're smart."

Jean shook her head slowly. "I don't know. I'm sure I could, but I don't want to go through all that again. I was lucky when the preschool hired me. But the way parents talk, I doubt I'll be able to get another job doing anything with kids. And I don't really have any notable skills..."

The fox frowned at her. "Oh, that's not true! You're quite good at photography! I've seen all those pictures you've posted. The landscapes are very pretty. And your photo editing has gotten very good. Maybe you could be a freelance photographer for some online magazine? I'm sure they wouldn't judge you."

Jean shrugged. "Maybe. I dunno." Her ears fell back even more, which made Lauren wince. She hated to see her friend so down. "I've already had to reinvent myself twice. I don't want to have to do it a third time..."

"Well, I'm sure you'll come up with something." She smiled at the girl again. "And hey, if you need any help with rent or bills before you figure it out, don't hesitate to ask. I'm willing to help."

That got the woman perked up, though more in shock. "W-what!? No! No, I couldn't! I'd never ask something like that of you!"

"And that's why I'm willing to help you." She smiled. "I'm not offering to pay you a wage or something. Just help you stay afloat until you can get back on your feet."

Jean still shook her head. "B-but what about your husband? What would he say?"

She shrugged again. "That we have more than enough money to help someone in need. Trust me, he's a bit of a bleeding heart when it comes to hard luck cases. And you're a friend of mine."

The rabbit reached out to take her hand, giving it a squeeze. "Th-thank you..." She let her touch linger a moment longer, then pulled back a little too quickly. "Sorry." Lauren still smiled. She knew the younger woman had feelings for her, but they had talked about that already. For one, the fox wasn't gay, and even if she was bisexual, there was no way she would ever cheat on her husband. She loved him too much.

"It's alright." She smiled at her again. "Maybe you could make pictures and sell them on D-Gen? From what I hear, they pay pretty well for their content." She scoffed a little. "Lord knows they should. The membership costs enough."

Jean shifted awkwardly beside her. "Y-yeah... I thought about that, too. But..." She glanced up and around, as if to make sure no one was around to hear her. "I haven't been on since... quitting my job. Seeing it all just... made me want to do it even more... probably would want to post that as one last thing. But... but I know I'd just screw it up like all the other times, and then I'd end up in the hospital or something. But I don't have insurance or anything to cover that... Plus my parents wouldn't be any help." She looked up at her friend. "And before you even think of offering, there is NO WAY I'd let you cover my hospital bills!"

Lauren chuckled softly. "Alright, I'll make sure it's done anonymously, then." That earned her a playful scowl, which made her laugh. At least she still had her dark humor. "You know, you've mentioned before about failing, but you never told me about the tries themselves."

Jean's ears perked up again. "Wait, I haven't?" Lauren shook her head. "Huh... thought I had. You should have asked."

"I didn't want to ask something that personal..."

The rabbit let out a soft laugh. "You've seen my nude pics on D-Gen and heard my fantasies, but THAT was too personal?"

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds silly!" She nudge the woman's arm. "But you know what I mean. Fantasies are one thing. Actually doing it... that's something else."

Jean nodded slowly. "Yeah... I guess so." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, my first attempt was when I was 15." She brought her arms up, resting them on the table. She then rolled up the sleeve on her left arm, revealing a long, thin scar along the underside, starting from her wrist and ending halfway to the elbow. Above it were numerous other smaller scars, like repeated scratches where the fur didn't grow fully anymore. Jean had said she was a cutter as a teen, but this was the first time Lauren had seen the marks. "I tried slitting my wrists in the bathroom. Didn't go deep enough, though, so I didn't bleed out very fast. Not fast enough, anyway, and my father found me passed out in the bathtub. Woke up in the hospital with stitches in my arms."

Lauren reached out, hesitating for a moment. When she got a nod from the woman, she reached out and ran her fingers along the scar. "Did it hurt?"

Jean nodded. "A little. The cutting hurt, but then it was just kind of cold and numb." She sighed. "What hurt more was when Dad beat me pretty badly when I finally got home. I mean, I can't blame him. I made a mess of the bathroom, and I cost him a ton of money in hospital bills. He was so angry, I thought he would actual kill me." She smirked. "Jokes on him, I wanted him to. Fucking coward only gave me a black eye and swollen lip." She sighed. "He did worse to mom than to me. In his mind, it was probably his 'soft touch' with me. Just a light beating."

The vixen still shook her head. "That's awful. A parent should never beat their children! OR their significant other!"

Jean smiled. "At least he didn't rape me, too. I mean, I was already struggling with being gay, and that would have been even more to deal with." She shrugged. "Is it weird that I still miss him?"

"Probably, but you can't help having feelings for your parents. Even if they aren't the best people." She looked down at the half-emptied mug of tea. "I just hope my own children don't grow up to resent me."

A hand rested against hers. "I highly doubt that. You're a wonderful person, and I'm sure you're a lovely mother." She laughed a little. "I'm honestly a little jealous of your kids to have such a kind and caring person for their mom." Lauren smiled, even as the touch was withdrawn again. "Anyway, the second time was when I was 18. I'm not sure why I did it, though. I had left home, was trying the college thing, had a lovely girlfriend at the time. I had a bit of a headache and went to get some pain killers. Y'know, just normal stuff, but I found myself just staring at the bottle. And... then I took all of it. What was left in the bottle, anyway. 12 pills in total. I'm still not sure why I did it... I wasn't depressed at all! I had even started seeing my therapist!"

Lauren nodded to her. "Yeah, it's odd when you get those feelings. The other day, I was driving to work, and I have to cross this bridge. I nearly veered right off of it. Got so close, I hit those grooves in the side of the road." She laughed a little. "People around me probably thought I was drunk."

Jean nodded slowly. "Well, I have... kind of an theory. But let me finish first. So after taking the pills, nothing happened for about half an hour. Then I suddenly felt super lightheaded, and nauseous. Next thing I know, I'm vomiting all over the place. That was awful, by the way. Don't ever go out by pills. Or if you do, make sure it's way more than 12. Because my roommate came home to find me just laying on the floor, curled up into a ball, covered in my own vomit, shaking like a leaf. And then I was in the hospital again. They had to pump my stomach."

Lauren winced. "Yeah, that sounds pretty awful..."

She nodded. "Yeah. Well, thankfully, they chalked it up to some allergic reaction. Which... isn't far from the truth now. Thanks to that, I get violently sick if I try to take Acetaminophen now. Most other pain killers make me light headed, too. So I just don't take any if I can avoid it."

Lauren nodded slowly. "And you said you had a theory about why?"

"Oh, yeah. So, there was a thread on D-Gen about that. Why so many of us are fascinated with dying or killing. For most, it's the ultimate submission. You give your life to someone, it's that one thing that can never be given back, and once taken, that's it, you're done. For killing, it's the opposite, but the same. The ultimate dominance. Taking something that can never be given back. There's also the whole un-personing someone. Like, they're not a person, they're a thing to be used, broken, and discarded. Stuff like that. But... that's all very sexual stuff. And..." She blushed a little. "Yeah, I won't say I don't get it... I think it's kind of sexy... but that's not all of it." She motioned to her friend. "Like you. You said you don't think of it in any kind of sexual way, right?"

Lauren nodded again. "Yeah. The only time I did was when fantasizing about my husband doing it, and that's only because we were making love at the time. Most of the time, even fantasizing about him doing it, it's not... during that. It's just him... killing me. Like, if he's holding a knife while helping out in the kitchen, I want him to start stabbing me. But that's it. There's no sexy fantasy with it."

"Right. Well, you're not the only one. There were a couple of other people on the board that mentioned it like that." She shifted a little. "And someone linked to a page about that happening to a lot of people. Like... a lot a lot. In theory, everyone has some thought about it at some point. It's known as 'The Call of the Void.' Bunch of philosophy about it. Like, as people, we're fascinated with the idea of death. And sometimes, when you're in a situation where you could be hurt or die, your mind thinks about it. It thinks about all the ways some safety to prevent it could fail. And then you get curious about what happens when it fails, how easy it would be. And your subconscious always wants to know, so it thinks 'lets do this thing that will definitely hurt or kill me, just to see what its like.' But your rational brain knows it's wrong, so you just stare at it, fighting what feels like an instinct."

Lauren just blinked as the explanation was given. "Wow... that's... so it's just an instinct that fights other instincts?"

Jean shrugged. "I'm simplifying it. There's a lot more to it, of course, and everyone is different, so it could be all kinds of reasons. Plus, like I said, it starts getting into philosophy and existentialism pretty quickly. It's all a bit above my head. But my point is that everyone feels it at some point. And some of us just... keep thinking about it."

The fox nodded slowly. "Huh..." It made some level of sense. The world they lived in was both more safe and yet more violent than ever. Media and news and even entertainment was all focused on violence. But thinking about it, that has always been. Stories of old are always about something violent, and a lot of morality tales are pretty messed up with analyzed. Violence was just a part of life, and death was a fact for everything alive. "Yeah, I guess that does make some sense..."

Jean smiled. "Still a bit crazy, though." She shifted awkwardly again. "I mean, most people try to avoid death or pain. And then there's people like us that... want it."

"I'm not sure I want it. But like you said, it's kind of like an odd... calling."

The rabbit nodded slowly. "Yeah... well, I do, though. Want it, I mean." She had an oddly wistful smile on her face. "I mean, I don't have anything else anymore. So why not... listen to the call, y'know?"

Suddenly, Lauren wondered if that whole explanation was just the woman's way of rationalizing something. "Jean... you do have something. You have me, at least."

She shook her head. "I don't, though. Not... not like I'd like." She winced. "Sorry, that sounds like I'm trying to guilt you into something. I'm not. I would never, EVER want to do anything to hurt your relationship with your husband. Or anyone, for that matter! That's... that's not who I am. I would hate myself even more if I did something like that." Before Lauren could say anything, she added. "And I know. You're not interested in women, anyway. So it would be kind of stupid for me to try all that with you."

"I'm sorry..."

Jean shook her head again. "No, don't be. You're lovely and wonderful, and you've been so nice. You've been a lovely friend. But I've... I've made up my mind on this one. I'm... not going to just linger around anymore." She let out a heavy sigh. "Well, as long as I don't fuck it up again. Which I probably will. I'm good at that."

Lauren just stared at the woman. She had obviously thought a while about this. There was probably no talking her out of it. Lauren wasn't even sure if she had the right to talk someone out of it. Denying them something that she also thought about so often. "What... if I was there with you?" Her words surprised even herself, but she committed to them. "Made sure it worked this time."

Jean looked at her in shock. "W-what? N-no! No, then you'd... you'd be in all kinds of trouble! If someone found out, then you could get arrested!"

Lauren shook her head again. "I'll be okay. And I don't think you should be alone when you die. You've been alone long enough." She smiled a little. "I'll even record it and post it for you, if you want. Let everyone on D-Gen see that last moment."

That made the rabbit blush a little. "I..." She looked down, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "Thank you..." Lauren leaned in to give the girl a gentle hug, feeling her lean back against her. "Thank you."

* * *

To say the house was modest was almost an understatement. It was small, more of a cube with a roof and a few windows. White paint was dimmed with age, the patchy lawn a mix of unmowed grass and large patches where the all but a few scraggly weeds had died. In a few ways, it reminded Laura of the owner, a bit battered, weathered, and splotchy, but still going, if not for much longer. She pulled her car in behind Jean's, the driveway just long enough to fit both. The houses up and down the street were mostly the same, if slight variations in color, lawn care, and the amount of refuse left on the ground. Not the nicest part of town, but the kind where everyone probably knew everyone else, even if just in passing. Oddly enough, her relatively new luxury car didn't look out of place, as many new and fancy trucks and even sports cars were parked here and there among the older, well used vehicles. Seems Jean's neighbors liked their cars.

Jean held out her arms once they were in front of her door. "Well. Here we are. I'll let you in." She pulled open a battered screen door so she could unlock the main door itself. She held it open. "C'mon in." Once inside, the door was closed and locked again with a deadbolt. She stepped forward and once again held out her arms. "Well... this is my place." She sounded almost apologetic.

Again, it was modest to the extreme. The door led directly into the main room, which looked like a combination living room and kitchen, with a small oven and sink tucked off to one side. To the other was a TV sitting in front of a single stuffed chair. A laptop sat on a table nearby, plugged in to charge. There were several cans of energy drinks were stuffed into a trash bin near the chair. Against one wall was a bookshelf, though instead of books there were tiny, hand-made objects. It looked like most were made with clay. As a mother, Lauren instantly recognized them as things made by children, as she had several similar things on her dresser at home. These were probably gifts given to Jean by the kids at the preschool. "It's nice."

The rabbit laughed. "It's small. I know. Probably seems positively cramped compared to your place..."

Lauren winced, as she had been thinking something similar. While her home was not a mansion like some of her neighbors, it was considerably larger than this. Enough that she and her husband had their own home office, and still enough room for the kids to have their own separate bedrooms. "Maybe a little, but I'm not judging." She felt suddenly very awkward standing here, especially with what she was planning to witness... and help with. "So... where... are we doing this?"

Jean also seemed a little awkward and nervous. "I... uh... I think my bedroom." She motioned to a pair of doors. "It's the one on the left. The one on the right is the bathroom. In case you... need it." She blushed and cleared her throat, moving to her bedroom door to open it. "The ceiling fan in here is pretty sturdy. I tested it... a while ago... so I know it'll hold." Lauren followed into the bedroom. Like the rest of the place, it was very small, but somehow spacious. There was little more than a small bed in it, the dark blue sheets left messy. There was a hamper with some dirty clothes stuffed into a tiny closet, the door not able to close fully with the basket in the way. "Sorry about the mess..."

Lauren chuckled. "I have a 5 and a 7 year old at home. This is positively immaculate."

Jean laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I guess it would be. The kids at the preschool could be pretty messy." She stood there in the middle of the room, shuffling from one foot to another. "So... w-were you... serious about helping me? Or did you just come all this way to try and talk me out of it?"

The fox stepped forward, reaching out to rest a hand against the girl's shoulder again. "I'm here for whatever you need. If you don't want to, I'm here to talk to you. If you do... I'm here to make sure you don't suffer again." She smiled. "And I won't lie, I'm a little curious to see it myself. I've... fantasized about hanging quite a few times."

Jean smiled, clearly resisting the urge to lean closer. "Y-yeah. Me, too..." She reluctantly moved away, crouching down so she could get something from beside her bed. When she stood, she held up a long length of braided rope, one end already tied into a noose. "I spent a long time learning how to tie this properly. I'm pretty sure I got it right this time." Lauren was no expert on these things, but it did look right. It at least didn't look like it was going to unwind itself. Jean climbed up onto the bed so she could reach the ceiling fan, wrapping the rope around it a few times and tying it into a sturdy knot, leaving the business end dangling down. She measured to make sure it was right, so that she wouldn't be able to touch the ground. "Right..." She hopped back down. "So... um... you said you would... record it for me?"

She nodded. "Yeah, if you want me to. Do you want me to post it on D-Gen for you, too?"

"Yes!" Jean let out an almost relieved sigh. "I think... I think I'd like that a lot." She reached into a hidden pocket of her dress and pulled her phone out. "Here, I'll get myself logged in. You can just upload it to my account." She tapped at the screen a few times, waited, then tapped a few more times. "There." She handed the phone out. "Here." Lauren nodded, taking the phone. "J-just one more thing... Well, maybe two..."

"What?"

Jean bit her lip. "If it's going up for other people... I want to be naked. Let them see everything." She let out a breath. "Let you see everything." She held up a hand. "I know... you're not into it, but... I still want to show it all off to you. I am going to die, after all. No sense denying myself, right?"

Lauren smiled again. "Sure. Like you said, you're the one dying. Besides, I've seen you naked in those pictures, so it's not like I haven't seen it before. Go right ahead."

The rabbit again looked relieved. "Thank you." She quickly started to strip herself down. The rainbow skirt was first, falling to the floor after unfastening the waist, revealing a pair of cloth panties also rainbow colored, and slender legs. The polo was next, pulled up and over her head. She had no bra covering her chest, her breasts small, her belly flat. Lauren was again struck by just how skinny the girl was. It was pretty clear she didn't eat well. The panties were pealed down her slender legs next, all of the clothing bundled up and dumped into the basket in the closet. She then turned and smiled, her blush visible through the splotchy fur. "Well... there we go."

"There you go." Lauren stood back a little, pulling up the camera and putting it on video mode. She made sure to line things up properly. "You said there were two things? What's the second?"

Somehow the young rabbit looked even more awkward. "I... forget it. It's... nothing." She looked away, her face even more flushed than before.

Lauren sighed, lowering the phone. "Jean, you're going to be hanging from the ceiling in a minute. This is your last chance. What is it?"

The woman let out a whimper, shuffling between her feet again. "Mmm... it's stupid... B-but..." She turned and looked at her. "I want to kiss you. Just the once! I-I'll never get to do it again! A-and I know, you're not into girls and you'll never cheat on Jim! And I don't want you to, I just... I really like you. You've been the only friend I've had in a long time, and you're smart, and pretty and sweet and..." There were tears in her eyes as she rambled on. "And I just... want to kiss you once. Before I die."

The vixen let out a soft sigh. "Alright." She heard her friend gasp in surprise, and saw her tense up as she stepped closer. "But if we're doing this, we're doing it right."

"W-what do you mean doing it ri-" The rabbit froze as Lauren leaned closer. Then their lips touched. She felt the arms slowly slide around her, holding her naked body close. She almost fainted on the spot, leaning into the kiss, into the woman. Her lips parted, and she was surprised to find Lauren's do the same. She got to taste her, a little of the tea she had been drinking still lingering on her tongue. She let herself be lost in the moment, this gift her friend was giving her. She didn't want it to end, but knew it would have to. When she felt Lauren's arms slip away, she didn't fight it, letting the woman break the kiss and step back. Jean felt tears stinging at her eyes, and she sniffled. She whispered "Th-Thank you." She smiled at her, wiping the tears away. "Thank you for that."

Lauren nodded. "You're welcome." She took another step back. "Now... how are you doing this? Just... hopping off the bed, or...?"

Jean gasped. "Oh! Right!" She hurriedly rushed past her friend and out into the main room. A moment later she returned with a rickety looking wooden chair. "See? I told you I'd screw something up without you!" She laughed a little, setting the chair down just under the rope. She climbed up onto it, the thing wobbling a little under her on uneven legs.

Lauren watched as the girl grabbed the loop and started to fit her head through it. "You know, I've always wondered if I would struggle, or just hang limp and accept it if this happened to me."

Jean giggled. "Oh, I'm sure I'll be struggling." She tightened the loop behind her neck, already having to stand on her toes. "J-just make sure that... you don't stop me... no matter what, don't pull me down. Not until after..."

"I promise." She held up the phone, then had an idea. "Is there anything you want me to do with your body?"

She shook her head. "I... hadn't thought of it." She smiled. "Do whatever you want." She took a deep breath, the last time she would be able to do that. "Okay. Here we go." Lauren hit record, and gave a thumbs up. Jean smiled at the phone. "My name is SereneJean112, and today... I'm listening to the call of the void." She suddenly kicked her foot back to hit the back of the chair, knocking it over and out from under her. She fell a half inch before the rope snapped tight around her neck. Instantly, her hands shot up to try and grasp at it. She started to kick a little, making a few choked noises.

Lauren watched with awe as the woman dangled in front of her, seeing her kicking about and swaying a little. At first, the look on Jean's face was one of surprise, then of pain, likely from the strain at her neck and in her chest. The rabbit's face started to get darker, her mouth opening in a silent yell. Lauren saw a look in the woman's eyes, almost pleading with her, almost afraid. Yet that fear seemed to fade away just as quickly, even as her kicking and squirming got worse and more erratic. The woman's body started to sway this way and that, and the ceiling fan creaked, threatening to tear itself out of its mooring in the ceiling. But it held firm, even as the rabbit flailed.

Lauren's attention was drawn down a little, to the flat belly. The muscles undulated and pulsed, as if trying to heave a heavy breath. The flailing of the legs grew less focused, then less energetic. Soon, Jean's hands fell away, hanging at her sides, her fingers twitching over and over. All the muscles in her body seemed to tremble several times, her legs kicking feebly once or twice. One final, great shudder went through the woman, and then she was still, save a few little twitches here and there. The look in her wide, bloodshot eyes was distant, vacant. There was no thought behind them anymore, no person. No Jean. She had just watched her friend die in front of her.

She took a deep breath, feeling tears in her eyes, but not sadness... a little sadness. She had just watched someone she cared about die. But there was a happiness, too. Jean had done what she had wanted to for a long time. She was now at peace. She let the camera watch for another minute as the woman slowly swayed from the rope. When she was sure nothing else would happen, she ended the video there. Opening the browser, she found it was already on Jean's profile page. It was a simple task to upload the video. She titled it 'Answering the Call.'

She stepped forward, setting the phone down on the bed. She turned to look up at her friend. From this angle, she could see that the rabbit had been aroused at the end of her death, her sex glistening. She wondered if the camera picked that part up. She knew Jean would want it. Though she had no way of knowing if the girl had an orgasm when she died. She hoped she did. She reached out, hesitating a moment, then rested her hand against the girl's belly. There was no response from her, the muscles not even twitching under her touch. "You did it." She smiled, looking up at her friend's blank expression and bloodshot eyes. "You did it, Jean."

* * *

The car pulled to a stop, fitting neatly between the little lines designated for parking. The door opened, and a foot came out, stepping to the ground. The rest of the woman came after. Lauren closed the door behind her, taking a deep breath. The air was fresher here than in the city itself, smelling of salt water and freshly cut grass, and that slight smell of life that oceans always had. The sound of the water nearby was soothing. In the day, it would be mixed with the sound of seagulls and children playing and laughing. Now, in the darkness of night, it was almost eerily, yet peacefully quiet.

Lauren opened the back door of her car and smiled. Jean was laid across the back seat, still naked. It had been almost a thrill to drive with the woman in her back seat, knowing that if someone looked, they would see a corpse. But no one did. And there was no one here to see as she reached in and gently pulled her friend out. Thin as she was, Jean was very light, and even Lauren could carry her, though it was still a little struggle. She managed to drape the woman over her shoulder, her arm under the woman's rear, carting her away from the car in the same way she had carried her own children... mostly. She heard her phone vibrating on the passenger seat. It was Jim, wondering where she was. He had called three times already. And texted a dozen more. She ignored it. She had something to do.

Lauren stepped onto the stone path away from the parking lot, following the slightly curved path to a viewing area. A waist-high metal railing lined the edge of the grass. Beyond, the fox could barely see the ocean. The slight breeze that came off was cool, making waves gently lap at the rocks below. The old lighthouse a half mile down the road was lit, its brilliant light sweeping across the waves, adding an odd reflectiveness to the water farther out, but doing nothing to illuminate where she stood, holding her friend.

She climbed over the railing, a little trickier as she carried Jean with her, but soon, she was on the other side, the cliff falling away below. She shifted, so the woman's body was leaning against. She smiled out at the waves. "It's so pretty here at night." She looked then at the rabbit in her arms. She had to jostle the girl's body a little to get her head to shift back. There was a thick mark along her neck where the rope had bitten into her and crushed her flesh. Somehow, it looked nice on the girl. "Thank you for being my friend, Jean. And for letting me see that last moment. It... it meant a lot to me, too." She leaned over, bringing the girl's mouth close and giving it another deep, almost passionate kiss. This time, there was no passion back at her, no unrequited love, no saddened romance. Just dead, cooling lips and a slack mouth.

Pulling back, Lauren looked back out at the ocean. "One last one for the road." She shifted Jean's body in front of her, giving her friend's blank face one last smile. Then she let go. The limp body crumpled instantly, falling down, then back, then over the edge. She watched as it tumbled in the air several times, bouncing once off the edge, then hitting the rocks below. It continued to roll, hitting the water a half second later, then... it was gone, taken under the water by the dangerous undercurrents of the area. She watched to see if it surfaced anywhere else, but she didn't see it. She wondered where Jean would eventually wash up... if she ever did.

She continued to watch the water, even long after her friend had vanished below. She felt it again. The urge fall. The void, calling her to follow her friend. She blinked placidly several times, just staring. Behind her, she knew her phone was probably still buzzing away, her husband at home likely in a panic. She should have been home hours ago. Her kids would be upset, too. Worried, wondering where she was. She would have to come up with an explanation. She couldn't well tell them that she was with a friend while they hanged themselves. Or...

She closed her eyes, feeling an unnatural calm come over her. She leaned forward, away from the railing. Then a little more. Then... she was no longer on the ground. The wind rushed around her, filling her ears. She should be afraid, terrified, but she felt more at peace than she ever had. She listened to the call, gave herself to the void. She smiled. Then her head struck the rocks, leaving a splatter of blood and brain as her skull split. There was only a moment of pain, then nothingness. Her limp form slipped under the water a second later, vanishing under the same waves as her friend. Their lives claimed by the void.

Their bodies were never found.

* * *