Laughin' Little Roo-boy!
Roo-boy finds himself in a laughing predicament!
Short dark bangs flopped over his eyes as he hopped from one place to another, trying to get down the street to make the bus. A smallish and just barely over joey but not quite old as boomer age kangaroo frantically rushed for a bus.
He pounded the packed ground and gravel, leading to the countryside road and bus stop, he saw the flashing yellow bumblebee blur of smoke and wheels.
"Oh Noes!" he shouted in his boyish soft voice. "Please don't leave without me!"
He sighed with the dust in the air settling around his off-rusty colored pelt. His dark feet thumped to a stop and his dark tailtip lift-thumped off the ground. He watched the bus... coming CLOSER! He hadn't missed it after all. But then, he wondered, what was all this dust in the air from?
Roo-boy sat rocking on his haunches, rubbing at his itchy whiskers. He stood right by the triangular orange and black striped 'Bus Stop' sign. The sign had a smaller orange rectangle below stating "Take Care: Mind the School Bus!"
Oh, he MINDED the school bus all right enough! It took him to BORING places doing BORING things like.. oh.. LEARNING. "I wish I HAD missed you and I dunno why I was chasing you anyway!" he shouted to the barreling yellow bullet which kicked up its own dust cloud as it rolled closer and closer and closer... and...
Roo-boy's eyes widened as he realized the bus was much too close than he really thought before, it loomed right ahead and it didn't seem like it was slowing down at all. In fact, the bus was speeding up and coming right for the signpost, and him! He looked at the crazed driver with a gasping yipe! His roo eyes boggled and bugged out of his head and he had just enough time to shout "Cartoon Powers Engage!"
Sha-ZA-m! A thunderous clap of lightning struck and hit a nearby tumbleweed! It rolled away with animated glee and bliss saying things like: "My mother catnaps in mustard seeds!" and "Watch out for the bus, Roo-boy!" but it was too late....
Roo boy was already laughing because instead of being horribly mutilated under the speeding bus wheels and crushed into a gooey paste of blood and bone, he took a super-bionic leap and avoided the bus wheels.
He ended up on the hood, where he turned his little Roo-boy rump and lifted his tail! He showed off his beautiful fuzzy roo bum, in all it's fuzzy rump glory not even hiding the puckered boyish tailhole right into the driver's face! He then hopped off and made a very rude gesture, and muttered a phrase that sounded a lot like: "Capital letter baseball bat wine glass!" Though it was far more colourful and rude than that.
He giddily cackled and shouted "Bionic Speed Bounce Engage!" and he then tripped over his own klutzy legs, gangly and gawky he rolled up into a tumbling 'roo ball, following the path of the earlier tumbleweed. While he rolled towards the edge of the road and to a deep steep rut that led to a wide spread of open corn fields he understood why Tumbleweeds said such crazy and insane things, because brains got scattered with so much rolling around.
Thankfully, he came to a stop after he bumped and pinball-bounced off a scarecrow post. The scarecrow post lit up and made a high bell pitched "ka-DING!" sound and Roo-boy swore he saw "100 points" Light up in small purple letters in the sky and then slowly fade. The Roo adjusted his fur, rubbed his muzzle and whiskers, and groped his dangly roo boy bits just to be sure they were still there. (and they were! thank goodness!) He pointed at the scarecrow and gave a real hooting giggle!
"Now what's all so funny there, Roo-boy?" The scarecrow asked with moderate consternation. "So you think I like it when someone plays pinball off my ankles? Damn, man.. it's the fifth time this week it happened. Gets OLD after a while!"
The scarecrow ogled down at the roo, the perpetual bangs covering one side of Roo-boy's face and eyes. "What say you maybe apologize at least, nobody hardly ever does that and I might like hearin those two lovely words that go with an apology. You know.. they rhyme with Lime Quarry."
"OH!" The nice and reticent Roo-boy leaned up and stood tall, using his haunches and tail to extend upwards. He put his paws on the scarecrow's shoulders and said "Are you SERIOUS?" He then set off a display of sparklers all around which shot colorful explosions and him laughing all the way.
Roo-boy reached into his backpack (because, after all, it's just convenient for him to have one at this point in the story, really!) and then put on roller skates! (which are conveniently in the backpack, naturally) Once again he made sure to display his well rounded and fuzzy furred rump, right into the eyes of the Scarecrow. He rollered away with happy huffing laughter, seeing what sort of more mischief he could get up to!
He roller-skated right into a curious fuzzy resident of a nearby driveway. His neighbor, Mister ... uh.. "Hey, Mister.. what was your name again?" Roo-boy cutely rolled and spun-tworl round and round.
"It's Chutetew."
"Me too? Roo-boy grabbed his sides in mirthful delight while he rollerskated in figure eights around his neighbor. "I'm only one roo though!"
"Aren't you supposed to be in school, Roo-boy? did you miss your bus?"
The large toussled and lush furred half otter-half wolf rumbled and surveyed the bundle of energetic kangaroo spinning around.
"Oh, It sure didn't miss ME! I had to say: No Idea Thinking Powers -- Engage!"
The ground underneath Roo-boy and Mister Chutetew rolled and roiled and boiled and a pink bubble grew and then popped around them and it sent prismatic stars floating around Mister Chewtew's head and he fell dizzily mezmerized onto his driveway. Little tweeting bird sounds accompanied Chewtew's status and Roo-boy skated blissfully past and blew his neighbor a cute kiss as he lifted his tail once again his boyish balls dangling from beneath, giving a good showing of his slender shaped small boy sheath. "Toodooloo, seeyalater!" Roo-boy giggle-whirl-twirled and set off for the Panama Canal.
Countless tales of wonder have surrounded the physical and psychological impossibilities of traveling from Roo-boy's humble rural neighborhood to the Panama Canal within mere moments of each other, but that's exactly what suspension of disbelief is for in these types of stories dear reader. I'm sure such frivolity is easily accepted and overlooked for the narrative purpose.
Roo-boy climbed atop one of the large locks that operated the control on the flood gates that assisted raising and lowering the ships up and down within the locks that spread across the Panama Canal system. He had particularly sore feet from all the roller skating so he took the skates off and let his bare broad kangaroo feet wiggle free.
He took a cozy sloppy flopping seat on the top of the lock, and he noticed a large boat was working its way through the locks. The boat was big and grandiose and .. looked vaguely familiar. A small tune ran through his head while he was remembering. Faces super-imposed on anchors spun around his mind, starring Gilligan, Judge Judy, David Hasslehoff, "Alf", Soleil "Punky Brewster" Moonfrye, and a plethora of Autobots and Decepticons from the Transformers movie! He gawked and waved and cheered, he was looking at none other than the "Love Boat!"
Confetti and streamers passed over his prone and lazy flopped kangaroo body, he could hear hoots and hollers and shouts, and his mirthful delight waving back gave him a rather devious boyish idea. So faster than a rolling "O" he shouted out:
"Who put the ram in the rammalamma ding-dong powers--- Engage!"
The waters within the lock that surrounded the boat instantly froze solid and snow started flurry-storming from the air. Wintery wind-chill demons started to give the Love Boat the biggest wintery blow job it ever experienced in its faithful warm-weathered promises of Carribbean delight.
Roo-boy applauded with joyful glee and laughed aloud at some of the passengers near the railing. The young roo saw a very drunken Keifer Sutherland stumbling and freeze-shivering as a powerful ice dervish got into his "24" --- Ounce bottle of scotch. Keifer moaned "No Contest!" and tapped pathetically on the side of the wall.
Roo-boy took advantage of the raging winds and para-glided (don't even ask where or how, really, it's just a story anyway!) up to the bridge where he saw every Enterprise starship captain from Kirk, to Janeway, Captain Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap, and to that balding guy on the Next Generation show. His gliding kangaroo shadow swooped across the window of the bridge.
The balding guy shouted "Number 1, On Screen and magnify!"
The video on the bridge zoomed right in onto the shamelessly displayed open-crotch shot of Roo-boy, flashing the nice pink boyish penis that emerged from his tufted fuzzy holster. The mirthful marsupial let loose with a streaming golden pee that splashed the foredeck and covered the magnified view of the video screen with a golden yellow haze.
Before the Love Boat could strike back with its most powerful weapon the wave-motion cannon. (Hey, .. it was a modification, okay?) Roo-boy had already climbed high on the glider, soaring in the air out of range. (It was later rumored that many refunds were given due to the influx of chill demons on the Love Boat, who decided to stay and reroute the cruise through the ice tundras of Yavokstolia -- a real place.. I swear!)
Roo-boy was all giddy and out of breath and huffing in laughing delight. He never realized how much fun he could have by invoking the many powers he could supply, just by merely uttering certain phrases. He was having so much fun, much more fun than if he actually was on time for the bus.
But wait, he thought... he WAS on time for the bus!
That's when the dust cloud settled around him, the doors to the yellow school bus hissed open with their pneumatic air whine, inviting him in to hop up the first few steps.
"Hey there, Roo-boy." the kindly bus driver smiled at him. "Ready for another day of school then are ya? I thought you were just gonna stand there all day, in yer own little world!"
Roo-boy gave a very shy meek blush and shrugged. "Guess so!" and he hopped to the seat and put his tail in. He sat next to Weasely Ron, who isn't at all supposed to be any hint of another popular character from some English hag's boy-wizard series.
"Cor!" Weasely said. (remember, he's not that other popular character!) "Just remember Roo-boy today is the class "Show and Tell!"
Oh? Roo-boy coyly and secretly giggled mostly to himself. "I could think of a good couple things to show and tell the class about, for sure!"
I leave it to you, dear readers, to decide DID he?
The End!
=authors note: The Character of Roo-boy is used with permission and made to interact in the story with my own machinations and purerile and deviant obsessions. Do not construe that Roo boy is actually prone to such devilish and deviant behaviour as I've written this solely for his benefit and hope it brings him some mirth and laughter.
-Danruk!