09: That Scar
"Starshadow, hold on!"
Starshadow ran faster, weaving in and out of the buildings as she dashed back into town. Big Mac was hard on her hooves, and she didn't dare try to look back in fear of tripping and falling, thus allowing her pursuer to catch her. No matter how hard she tried to lose him, Big Mac refused to let himself be shaken from her trail. She was impressed by his speed and hadn't thought that a pony of his size and strength could move that quickly but he managed to prove her wrong by actually closing the distance between them little by little.
Seeing that she couldn't shake him by running through town, Starshadow dashed back to her home and ran inside, slamming the door shut and locking it behind her. She heard Big Mac's heavy hoofsteps grow louder and louder as he neared her home, and she expected the front door to be shattered open by the large pony. She held her breath and waited...
...and waited.
And waited.
The door exploding off its hinges, the sound of breaking wood, the violent shaking from the impact... none of that ever came. Starshadow took a few cautious steps towards the door and carefully listened to see if Big Mac was still outside. All she heard was the heavy panting of Big Mac as he caught his breath, followed by a light knocking on her door. She jumped back in fright at the knock, but quickly regained her composure as she realized that Big Mac wasn't trying to smash down her door.
"Starshadow? Ya in there?" he called out. Starshadow sat down in front of the door, still crying as she tried to figure out what to do now. Should she barricade herself inside and wait until Big Mac left? Should she try and sneak out the back? Or should she open the door and let the large stallion confront her? Big Mac knocked and called out to her again. "Can we talk? Please?" he asked her calmly.
Starshadow sat down in front of the door and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Leave me alone. Please... go back to your family. You don't ever have to see me again." she said to him.
Big Mac ignored her pleas and knocked again. "Starshadow, open the door. I promise, no hollerin or yellin. I just wanna talk." he said calmly.
"You promise?" she asked him.
"Eeyup."
Starshadow slowly stood up and placed her hoof on the lock. Her leg trembled slightly as she thought about what she was about to do. 'Maybe he's telling the truth... maybe he just wants to talk.' she thought. 'Or... maybe it's just a trick and he's going to beat me.'
Everything in Starshadow's mind told her to not open the door and to keep him locked out. She began to draw her hoof back, but the pain in her heart told her to open the door for him. Before she could stop herself she unlocked and opened the door, allowing it to swing open. She backed away as the large stallion entered her home, but in her fear she felt her rear legs give out. Now sitting upright and vulnerable to him, she shut her eyes and lowered her head, preparing herself for whatever punishment Big Mac was prepared to inflict upon her. Once again the seconds ticked by without anything happening, and she finally dared to peek to see if Big Mac was just waiting to hit her once she opened her eyes. She was shocked to see Big Mac simply sitting down in front of her, looking at her in confusion and worry. No hoof was raised against her, no expression of hate, anger, or frustration was present on his face. Instead he just looked at her, and Starshadow began to break down again.
"What? What do you want?" she cried hysterically. "Just... do what you're going to do and let me be! I didn't mean to hurt your sisters and tear your family apart, I swear. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...!"
What she felt next was a surprise to her. She had expected to feel Big Mac strike her, or at the very least slap her across the face. Instead, she found herself being held once again against his large frame in a compassionate hug. The gentle treatment caused her to cry harder as her emotions became thoroughly confused by Big Mac's actions. She wrapped her hooves around his body and squeezed hard, partially hoping that she would squeeze him too tightly and he would hurt her in vengeance. Her attempts to right her feelings were once again proven futile as she came nowhere close to hurting the big stallion, and all she could do was finish her crying in his embrace.
As soon as Big Mac felt her calm down enough to try talking he loosened his hold on her and wiped away a few tears she still had on her face. "I just wanna talk, I swear." he said to her again.
Starshadow nodded and took a few more deep breaths to calm herself. "Okay." she said calmly.
Big Mac smiled and nodded. "That's better. So what got ya so upset back there?" he asked her. "I know lil Apple Bloom and her friends can be aggravatin' at times..."
"No! It... it's not their fault, it was mine." Starshadow interjected. "I overreacted. They just asked me a simple question."
She had hoped that her answer would be enough, but Big Mac of course wanted to know more. "What'd they ask ya?" Starshadow didn't answer, instead shutting her eyes tightly but Big Mac had a fairly strong hunch on what the fillies had asked her. "It was about your cutie mark, wasn't it?"
Starshadow felt something in her heart break. She quickly shook her head no and hoped that Big Mac would believe her answer, but of course he saw right through her thinly veiled attempt. She stood up and took a step backwards away from him, afraid that he would keep on pressing her for an answer. He stood up also and reached out to her. "Starshadow, please, I want to help. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about what happened..." he said as he made an attempt to gently touch her scarred cutie mark to show that he cared. Starshadow watched in slow motion as he closed the distance between his hoof and her body. A foot... six inches... four inches... an inch...
Big Mac's hoof finally connected with her cutie mark, causing Starshadow to react automatically. With the speed to even make Rainbow Dash jealous, Starshadow clenched her eyes shut and reared up on her hind legs, her front hooves quickly lashing out at Big Mac's exposed head.
Had Big Mac thought that Starshadow attacking him was even remotely possible he may have had enough warning to block her attack, or at least dodge it enough so she hit some other part of his body. However, the attack came as a complete surprise to him and he never even saw her hooves rushing towards his head. Both of her hooves hit him in the side of his head with a surprising amount of force for a pony her size and he toppled over. Big Mac hit the ground with a heavy thud and Starshadow recoiled in horror at what she had done. "Big Mac!" she shouted out, rushing over to him.
Big Mac slowly opened his eyes and found himself looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling. The side of his head was throbbing where Starshadow had hit him, but the pain was much duller than he expected. It took a few moments for him to realize why; somepony was holding a bag of ice against his head.
"Oh, you're awake..." a soft voice said. Big Mac looked to one side and saw that his head was resting on Starshadow's lap. She looked down at him with concern and regret in her eyes, but she managed to put on a weak smile. "How are you feeling?" she asked him.
Big Mac smiled back up at her. "As long as you don't tell nopony that you got the better of me, I'll be fine." he said, letting out a small chuckle. He had hoped that his little joke would help ease the tension and lighten Starshadow's mood, but to his dismay his attempt didn't work.
Starshadow's eyes began welling with tears again. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." she sobbed. Big Mac sat up in worry, ignoring the dizzy sensation that suddenly set in. He steadied himself by placing a hoof on the ground as his other front leg reached up and gently touched Starshadow's shoulder. His touch didn't seem to calm Starshadow down at all as she continued to let her emotions run wild, and all she said was "I'm sorry" over and over.
"Starshadow, please, it's okay. You don' have to cry no more." Big Mac pleaded with her, but he was unable to calm her. He couldn't stand seeing her this upset and out of instinct he drew her in and lightly kissed her. He expected her to push him away, or maybe even slap him again, but what he wasn't expecting was her actual reaction... she grabbed him and pulled him tightly against her, forcefully kissing back with surprising aggression.
She was prepared for him to do what every other stallion had done to her in recent memory; they would take advantage of her emotional state and overpower her both physically and mentally, breaking her down and taking advantage of her weakness and vulnerability. She was used to it, she expected it, she needed it. But she didn't get it. Instead, Big Mac pulled her back slightly, just enough so he could gently touch her lips with his. He thought his actions would soothe her but it only made her more hysterical. She broke away and groveled at his hooves, unable to look up at him. "Why? Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked him. "Why can't you just hurt me already? What is it you want from me?"
"I want you to talk to me. Something is botherin' ya, and I'm going nowhere until ya tell me what's going on." he said. "Look, I know Applejack is a tough mare to get along with and all, but she was just protectin' Apple Bloom. I know she and her friends can be... troublesome, at times, but there's something deeper, and I'm guessin' that it has something to do with, well, that." He pointed at her flank, more specifically her cutie mark, and she knew exactly what he meant without even looking.
She remained frozen in place as Big Mac stepped back slightly and helped her back to her hooves. "I don' know what's happened to ya in the past, but it's still hurtin you. It's obvious you haven't told nopony 'bout what you've been through, but it doesn' seem to be doing any good. I don' like seein' you hurtin' like this. I want to help ya."
Starshadow shook her head no immediately. "Y-you can't... nopony can." she said, but Big Mac wasn't taking no for an answer. He stepped up and brought his face almost right up to hers.
"Let me try." he said intently. "You never know unless you try. Trust me, I won't hurt you. I love you. Let me help you."
Starshadow's emotions were all over, confusing her and slightly scaring her. Those three certain words were causing the most confusion for her; I love you. She had heard those words said to her so many times, but it was always after being used by a group of stallions who used her body for their own pleasure or during a rough session by one of her prior Masters. But hearing those words from Big Mac was different. It was almost like he was sincere, like he truly meant what he said. Her past experiences of being hurt and betrayed lingered in her head, but that small gut feeling to tell him what was hurting her began to slowly grow. She looked into his eyes to see if she could detect any malice or insincerity, but all she could see was genuine concern and worry.
Something gave way inside of Starshadow. She had never told anypony outside her immediate family how she had gotten her scars. Anypony who brought up her cutie mark and scars got either the cold shoulder from her or a powerful kick. But something made her compelled to tell Big Mac what had happened to her, all those years ago...
It was another morning like any other. Starshadow awoke just as the bright sun was beginning to rise on the horizon and lighten the grand city of Canterlot. She hopped out of bed and left her bedroom, making her way down the large hallway of her father's estate. As she passed the room next to hers, she stopped momentarily at the closed door and sighed sadly. The room belonged to her older sister and best friend Starsong, but she had been whisked away to attend some prestigious school of music to train her voice and to one day become a world-famous singer. Stuck perhaps forever in the prison she called home, Starshadow continued her walk down the hall. Despite her acute intelligence, there was no hope for her to attend any school as her father wanted her home-schooled, thus keeping her locked away and out of sight from the public.
Starshadow made her way to the large kitchen to make herself breakfast. It puzzled her family why she never had the servants her father employed to make her meals, but since her father wanted nothing to do with her due to her wings she decided to not accept any help from the poor ponies he employed. Her mother Silver Veil had taught her how to cook and follow relatively easy recipes so even a young filly like her could cook for herself. Despite being a pegasus, she had never even attempted to fly as her father had made it clear that her being different from the rest of her family was an embarrassment, so the servants kept everything that Starshadow would need to use close to the ground as to be within reach for her.
As she entered the kitchen she saw that her least favorite pony was already there; her father, Polaris. He was berating one of the servants for some mistake last night and was threatening to have him fired. Starshadow was disappointed that she wasn't up before him as she preferred to eat breakfast and return to her room before he even got up, but there was nothing she could do now. She passed her father, ignoring his presence as she expected him to ignore hers like he always did. He cast a quick glance at her, but took a quick double take as something caught his attention, and Starshadow froze as she heard him speak to her for the first time in ages.
"Your mark..." he said. Those words were burned into her memory. The two words that changed her life forever.
She turned and looked down at her flank and gasped. Somehow, in the middle of the night, her cutie mark appeared. The green, blue, and red aurora that made up the background of her cutie mark was shared by every member of her family, but the image that had appeared as the foreground was a complete shock to her. It was a simple, narrow four-pointed star, but to her family it was more than just a simple star. The star and aurora combination was the family crest, and it had somehow appeared on her flank, despite her being so different from the rest of her family. She gasped as she found herself being lifted by his magic and swept over to him as he inspected her cutie mark closely. Verifying that it was real and he wasn't hallucinating, he put her down and ordered the almost-terminated servant to round up the rest of the family immediately, and her father smiled at her for the first time in her life.
It wasn't just her mother who was called over; all of her father's relatives that were close enough to the main family were summoned to her home. While only the members of the main family had it as part of their cutie mark, everypony present sported some symbol of the tri-colored aurora on their clothes or body. All of them stared at her and her mark; a murmur passed through the crown as they tried to decide whether her cutie mark was a miracle or some sort of sick joke. Everypony in the room was a unicorn; everypony except her. She already felt different enough being the only pegasus ever born into the prestigious Star family, but now they all had something else to isolate her. Her father was talking about her proudly and with enthusiasm she had never heard before, but it only sickened her.
Hours later once everypony had left to return to their homes, Polaris ushered her into his private office, a room she had never once before seen the inside of. There, he handed her one of his family's greatest treasures; an old tome that had been handed down from generation to generation, supposedly dating back to the family's oldest ancestors. Adorned on the cover was the family seal, her cutie mark. Polaris told her that only the bearer of the family crest was allowed to see what was written inside the old tome, and she was not to leave his study until she had read everything and fulfilled her destiny to bring their family to providence. Without waiting any longer, he left the study and slammed the doors shut, leaving her alone once again.
Starshadow immediately shoved the tome to one side of the desk and buried her head in her hooves. She didn't want any of this. To go from the family's dirty secret and outcast to its apparent savior so suddenly... she hated it! She wanted nothing to do with the family that had never before that day seen her as anything but a burden...
She looked at the large mirror that adorned one of the walls and slowly walked towards it. She turned her body and stared at the accursed mark that now permanently branded her and felt absolutely sickened by the sight. An idea suddenly popped into her head. A terrible idea, but in her current emotional state she saw no other alternative. She snuck back down to the kitchen and retrieved one of the large carving knives from a drawer and quickly dashed back to her room. She looked into the full length mirror in her room and took one last look at her cutie mark. 'This is all you will ever be, Starshadow!' she imagined her reflection spitting venomously at her. 'The only thing you will ever be good for is for being born a Star!'
"No! I won't accept this! I will never accept this!" Starshadow yelled back at her reflection. Taking the knife in her hooves, she positioned the tip of the knife at one of the corners of her cutie mark and braced herself for the pain she was about to experience. Summoning enough bravery, she thrust the knife into her own flesh and forced the blade down, ripping her skin and mutilating her cutie mark. She bit down on her lip to keep from crying out in pain and alerting her family of what she was doing, and before she could chicken out she dug the knife into her flank yet again, cutting diagonally again and creating a bloody 'X' across her new mark.
She dropped the knife and collapsed on the ground, now biting her hoof to keep from crying out. Blood dripped from her body and onto the floor, but she soon recollected herself as she was only half way done. She whimpered as she rolled over, her broken skin rubbing painfully against the floor as she exposed her untouched cutie mark. She shakily picked up the blood covered knife and took a deep breath before once again creating a cut across her cutie mark. She let out a small cry as the knife cut her for the third time, but for some reason it wasn't just pain she was feeling. There was another sensation she was feeling, but she couldn't identify what it was just yet...
Ignoring her slight confusion, she took a few ragged breaths before making the final cut across her cutie mark. The pain caused her to cut herself slower than all the other cuts, and her rear legs were twitching in agony. Still, she managed to finish her second 'X' before the pain of what she had done caused her to lose the grip on the knife. The blood covered knife fell to the ground with a clatter and Starshadow couldn't hold in her pain anymore. She let out a loud cry as she rolled on the floor in pain, the twin 'X's burning like fire as blood continued to seep out of her wounds. The sounds of rushing hoofsteps grew louder and louder, and her door swung open moments later as her mother rushed in. Silver Veil let out a shriek of horror as she saw her youngest daughter bleeding out on the floor and crying hysterically. A servant poked his head around the doorway and quickly scampered off when Silver Veil yelled at him to get bandages. She quickly turned her attention back to Starshadow and began to control the bleeding by casting a healing spell over her wounds. The servant returned in record time and helped Silver Veil by bandaging Starshadow's wounds. Despite her clumsy handling, the filly had cut herself surprisingly deep; even with her skill, it took Silver Veil and the servant almost an hour to finally completely close up the wounds and stop the bleeding.
Silver Veil was shocked that her daughter would do such a thing, and once Starshadow finally calmed down enough she intended to ask exactly what had happened. Before she got the chance however a cold presence seemed to dominate the room. Starshadow found herself wrapped in the same magical hold as she had been earlier that day, but this time she was jerked over to where her father stood, his smiling face from before replaced with pure rage. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His glare and snarl said enough.
Big Mac was stunned. He didn't expect her wounds were self inflicted, nor that her family cared for her only because of her cutie mark. He understood better why Starshadow had snapped at Apple Bloom when she asked her about the scars, and he would have to have a talk with his sisters about why Starshadow did what she did. Starshadow wiped the tears from her eyes with a trembling hoof and sighed. "Now you know." she said as she wrapped up her story.
Big Mac wasn't sure what to say, so he gently embraced her and held her to comfort her. He and his family had always been close, always able to tell each other of any problems or troubles they had, and he couldn't imagine being part of a family like hers, especially having a father like Polaris. He wanted to help her. He wanted to be the one to save Starshadow from her past and make sure she never had to experience such pain ever again. He glanced out the window and saw that it was already late afternoon and the sun would be setting. An idea popped into his head and he turned back to Starshadow. "Come with me, I wanna show ya something." he said.
Starshadow nodded and wordlessly followed him back outside towards Sweet Apple Acres. She was terrified that he was taking her back to his house to see his sister, but her fears were put at ease when he headed away from the barn and took her deep into the apple orchard. She wasn't sure where he was taking her, and as the sun finally set and the orchard began to darken she wondered if he was lost due to the kick in the head he had received earlier. However, her worries and concerns were soon put to rest.
Big Mac stopped at a clearing and let Starshadow take in the sight before her. In front of her was a small pond, the surface of the water completely still and reflecting the crescent moon and twinkling stars in the new night sky. The soft chirp of crickets could be heard, and the soft glow of dozens of fireflies dancing in the air created a mesmerizing light show. She walked towards the pond and saw her reflection in the calm water, dipping the tip of her hoof into the water to create a small group of ripples. "It's beautiful." she said, turning back to Big Mac. "Why'd you bring me here?"
"I know you've been hurt before, but I wanted to show ya that not everypony is out to hurt you." he said. "I don't want anything bad to happen to ya, and I know ya just moved in to Vinyl's place, but... maybe you'd like to come live with me?"
Starshadow was taken aback by his sudden offer. "W-what? You want me... with you... I want to say yes... but I couldn't! There's no way Applejack would allow that." she stammered.
"Don't worry none about her, she has no say in who I want to be with." he said.
Starshadow shook her head again. "But why? Why do you want me with you?" she asked him.
Big Mac couldn't bottle up his feelings anymore. "Because I love you." he said. Both ponies found themselves being drawn once again to one another and kissed passionately, his strong hoof wrapping around her smaller body and drawing her closer to him. Starshadow felt her legs begin to buckle but she somehow managed to stay on her hooves and let herself be taken in by Big Mac's advances. As they continued their kiss Big Mac guided Starshadow to lay down next to him on the soft grass, holding her against him and caressing her body all over. The red stallion began to reposition himself and he was soon kneeling over her, and with one last kiss he finally parted lips with her. Starshadow looked at him in confusion as he seemed to draw away from her, but he stopped as his head was mere inches away from her wet crotch.
"B-Big Mac, you're not g-going t-" she began to say, but her question was quickly replaced by a long, soft moan. She arched her back as his mouth made contact with her mound and his tongue began lapping at her soaking wet pussy, licking her entire slit and flicking her sensitive clit before he repeated the process over and over again. His licking remained steady yet forceful, and occasionally he would let his tongue dip ever so slightly into her throbbing hole. His technique was good... too good, and she tried to remind herself to ask him later on just how he had gotten so good at eating out a mare. His steady pace caused her orgasm to take longer than usual to build up, but when she began to get close to losing control she could feel that it was going to be a big one.
"B-B-Big Mac... I'm g-gon-gonna..." she gasped in between licks. Either he didn't hear her or he was ignoring her pleas because his pace didn't change at all. "Oh... oh bucking Luna..." she gasped as she dug a hoof into the ground in desperation.
Deciding that enough was enough, Big Mac covered her entire mound with his mouth and sucked hard on where her engorged clit lie. The sensation for Starshadow was like a cannon going off, and her back arched once more and her hindlegs spasmed violently as she came. Her pussy clenched tightly and a gush of her fluids began pouring out from her tight hole, soaking part of Big Mac's face and the grass below her. Big Mac continued sucking on her clit for a few more seconds, wanting Starshadow to feel nothing but pleasure. When he finally released her clit from his mouth she was still cumming, and before her orgasm could end he quickly moved back up and positioned his erection at her love hole.
Starshadow thought her orgasm was finally done, but just as it was about to end she felt Big Mac begin pushing his large member once again into her body. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the sensation of her still twitching pussy giving way to his invading member, taking his time to enter her. Starshadow couldn't stand it anymore; his technique was driving her crazy, and as she finally felt him bottom out inside of her she braced herself in anticipation of him beginning to fuck her as hard as he could, like he did before. However, his strokes were all slow and gentle, not a single one being anywhere near forceful. Starshadow wasn't sure what was going on; she had never been taken like this. Nopony had ever been this gentle with her. She tried to encourage him to rut her harder by thrusting her hips up to his, but Big Mac refused to give in and kept his slow, steady pace. Giving up, Starshadow closed her eyes and tried to learn to like this new sensation she was feeling. She was feeling good, but not like all the other times she had mated with another pony. This time, there was no pain at all. There were no mind games. There was no line of countless ponies waiting to use her body next. It was just her and Big Mac, alone in the night, making love together without a care in the world.
Big Mac continued to gently slide in and out of her pussy until he felt himself beginning to get close himself. He wanted to slam his cock into her small body as hard as he could and pump her full of his seed, but he quelled the urge to do so and maintained the willpower to treat her gently. Starshadow too was getting close to her own release. It was building up just like her previous one; slowly and gently, and by the time it hit her it surprised her. It was nowhere near as violent or powerful as some of her other climaxes, but it was the best orgasm she had ever had. Her body shuddered under his as she came and she wrapped her hind legs around his body, pulling him deeper into her and she finally felt his warm seed begin to flood her hole. He didn't ram his cock into her and smash his tip against her cervix, he didn't pull painfully on her mane and force her to lick his cock clean after... he simply let his cock slide into her love hole one last time before pumping his seed into her womb and warming her from the inside.
Though neither pony was breathing hard at all, they both remained in place and didn't want to move. The air around them became chilly from the night air, but Starshadow was warm enough thanks to Big Mac's body over her and his cum inside of her. Big Mac leaned in for one final long, passionate kiss as his cock became flaccid and eventually slipped out of her pussy, his cum leaking out onto the grass. He lay down next to her and held her against him, his strong hooves around her body causing her to feel safer than ever before. He brushed her mane lightly and couldn't help but smile as her face was perfectly surrounded by the fireflies and the night sky.
"I really do love you, Starshadow." Big Mac said softly to her.
"I love you too." she replied.