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Addiction

Chapter Seventeen

Unsupervised Youth

by

Rufus Quentin

November, 1998

My dad came to my room one day in mid-November, the evening two letters came in the mail from the Educational Testing Service; one for me, one for Dustin. The big rough collie stepped tepidly into my room, the cautious way he always did, peering into every corner as if he expected to step into a trap. He sat down on my bed and I swiveled on my desk chair to face him. I automatically assumed I'd fucked up. Of course I had a guilty conscience and automatically assumed the worst; that either Dustin or I had left some sort of a clue of our relationship lying around and I could now expect an interrogation. There was a bit of sadness in my father's eyes, then again he always exuded a certain melancholy, a trademark of who he was. I would have confessed anything to him. I loved him.

"I heard you did well on your SATs," he said, looking over at me.

I breathed a bit of a sigh. I could tell this wouldn't be the awkward conversation I'd feared. It would be another, slightly less embarrassing but just as uncomfortable a talk. I nodded. "1540," I said. "Not perfect, but I'm proud of it."

He chuckled. "Better than Nathan or Danny and look where they are."

I looked down at my foot-paws in modesty.

"So where do you want to go?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I'm assuming you want to go to college. I think you should."

"Depends. I'd like to apply, but I'll go wherever they give me a scholarship."

"Don't think of it that way. Tell me where you want to go if money weren't an issue."

"Brown," I said, "but I think they only take 1600s."

"You'll have to make up for that with a good letter. Does Mrs. Cathcart still work at the high school?"

"I think so."

"Talk to her. She helped Danny and Nate write theirs. Emory and Duke were great schools. She'll help you make up for those 60 points."

"I'll see about talking to her." I said.

"You're a smart kid," my father said, "I want you to have free reign. Don't think of money. We'll figure it out like we always have."

"But it's gonna get so expensive. Aren't we still double mortgaged?"

My father sighed and nodded.

"I don't want to do that to you."

"Listen scout," he said. "There is one thing our family has always had in common. We were always literate. Your grandfather was just a coal miner. He could read and he read avidly, which was still somewhat unusual, especially for a miner. I remember being a tiny cub and he would read to your uncles and I. All winter long. Your great grandfather was the same way. As far back as the family tree goes, each of us, boy or girl, learned how to read. It's true Nate and Danny are the first of us to go to college, but I'd like to think they're not so different from all the rest. Back in the day, simply being able to read was like a college education. Don't take it for granted. The times have changed and I want you to go. Don't think of money as a barrier. I'll support you, whatever you choose to do, or wherever you choose to go."

"Thanks dad," I said. I didn't know what else to say. I looked at my father, the old, once tall colossus sitting hunched over on my bed. His broad shoulders and proud mane still reminded me of how easily he could swing me onto his back and how comfortable and safe it felt to ride his shoulders through our journeys around the back yard. His muzzle was now speckled in gray. His ears didn't have the perk they once had. He was tired and looked it too. I knew that if I accepted an expensive school, I'd put a debt on those shoulders I once clung to, that would burden him until the day he died. He would have it no other way. I stood up and sat next to my father. I have him a hug, one I didn't want to end. I took in his scents, ones I'd associated with him since childhood. It took work to fight back some tears.

"Think hard," he said. "Pick out some good schools. Now is the time to think. Look up the deadlines. I think they're coming up in December and January. Don't look at the tuition. Look at what the school has to offer. Make your choices as to what fits you the best, what will give you the best springboard into your career. Come to me when you've made your choices."

"I will," I said, and pressed a slight peck into his mane. "Thanks so much."

"Don't sweat it," he said. "You'll need money for your applications. Some will cost money, if I'm not mistaken. Let me know, and we'll write checks together."

"Okay dad."

"The hardest thing won't be getting the money together. Hell, I've got some bridges out there I haven't burnt yet. We'll see you through too. I promise that. The hardest thing will be to see you go. You were always an amazing little kid. I know you'd hate it if I called you my princess, but you were special to me that way," he passed his paws over my scalp and swept back my ears. "You held us all together over the years. Not only did you keep us a family, but you flourished. Now look at you. A lady. I can't believe we're having this conversation already. Where did life go?"

"Dad, stop," I said, chuckling a little bit, it was all I could do to keep from breaking to pieces.

"I know. I'm the old nostalgic one now. One of these days you'll understand. You'll hopefully have a pup of your own and in the blink of an eye you'll see them grow up and go off to do good things. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you all. I know you don't like being singled out from the boys, but I'll tell you, knowing that you're about to go is making it all sink in. Nathan, Danny, now Brandon. Dustin will head out soon enough and I'm sure he'll find his way too, but you, sport, when you go, the house won't ever feel the same."

"I'll come back," I said. "I'll visit."

"I'm sure you will and I hope you do, but it is your role in life to go out and spread your wings."

"I love you dad," I said.

"I love you too sport."

"Before I ramble on like an old timer I better go. Just remember what I said. Money is not an issue."

"I will."

My father pressed another kiss between my ears and stood up to depart the room. He waved as he vanished behind the door. I tried my best to maintain my boys don't cry attitude, but failed. A few tears silently ran down the sides of my muzzle. My room grew blurry. I felt guilty, like I didn't deserve it. I had such a great father. What a compassionate man, I thought. Yes, I did everything I could to make him proud. My grades were dedicated to him. I stayed behaved to be one less worry for the poor old collie. What would he say to my recent string of transgressions? What would he say to the fact that I'd let incest happen under his roof? Would he swallow his words if he knew how my behavior turned reckless? What would it do to him if he knew his little girl wasn't so innocent, that his youngest children were seemingly doing everything they could to fuck up his family tree?

Virginity is one thing. Everybody loses it eventually. Dad knew that, even when I was just a brave little tomboy in overalls, following my brothers around with a twig as my sword and a shoebox lid as my shield. I would grow up, find new interests, and start thinking about boys. Surely I would eventually meet one I loved enough to offer that very special part of myself. That's exactly how things came to pass, but would it have broken him to know to whom I actually gave it? It already pained me that he looked at me as a full grown woman. When he looked at me now, it seemed he felt as though he'd already lost me. He knew how young people lose their virginity where we grew up. Did he know I'd already given mine up? I think he assumed so. He was a pragmatist after all, a lot like Dustin. Either way he knew by sending me to college he was sending me off into a world where my innocence wouldn't last. It couldn't last forever, after all.

My dad picked up another job in the coming weeks, a lucrative position as foreman for a large scale building project in east Charleston. Dad apparently found a job for Brandon using his connections. Brandon used the opportunity to move out, nesting into a rather seedy, but cheap, apartment complex in the city. If he wanted to play Nintendo, he could play it there just as well as at home. My dad on the other hand tried to make the commute, but three jobs was definitely too much for him. He'd come home, eat, and go straight to bed. One night shortly before Thanksgiving he didn't come home at all. He did the next morning, but with a bandage around his forehead. He'd apparently fallen asleep en route and driven into a ditch. Luckily it was nothing major, just a nasty eyebrow level gash and three stitches. Seeing my dad wounded hurt me a lot. He took that job just for me after all. We'd made the decision that he'd spend weeknights in Charleston. He'd come home whenever he could, but he should sleep at Brandon's if he were too tired. The both of us were adults and needed no supervision.

I felt awful when my dad told us he decided to temporarily relocate to Charleston, not just because I would miss him, but because when he made the suggestion I thought, "Good. Problem solved. Think of all the privacy Dustin and I will have. Think of all we can do." I vividly recall the wave of shame that came over me at my own selfishness, but I knew precisely what his absence would result in, even if I hadn't welcomed it. After my dad's fender bender I began to realize just how much our sinful behavior could affect him too. We were his children after all. We lived in his house. What would he feel if he caught us? What would he think if a rumor got out? Worst of all, what if I let Dustin cum in me again and it stuck. Without his regulating presence, the possibility that we'd get reckless mounted. Luckily my next period came, even after the previous intentional fuck-up. That was twice in a row now, but good luck was nothing to bank on.

I still did everything I could to repay him, which was to stay well behaved and work my grades back into the A range. The only thing I didn't do was give up my affair with Dustin. We'd tried so many times, but I just cave in every time. In the beginning, in my selfishness, I believed incest was just my problem. I believed it affected only Dustin and me. It was a screw up, but it was my screw up and nobody else's business. Believe me, I knew how selfish we were acting. I shiver when I think of everything my dad sacrificed to provide us with a future we came so terrifyingly close to wrecking before we even got there.

As a result of my dad's absence and Brandon finally moving out, Thanksgiving turned into a relatively quiet affair. It was always my favorite holiday. Every one of us came together. Even as the older boys were off in college, they would come home to celebrate with us. We'd spare no expense. We'd have a huge turkey and all of the trimmings. I loved it. I loved my family, I loved the dinner chatter, and I loved the football and shit talking afterwards. This year I felt a little abandoned. I just shoved a single turkey breast into the oven instead of the usual brined, entire bird. Side dishes came out of cans and spent time in the microwave instead of the oven. I spend the entire time alone in the kitchen, listening to Christmas songs play early on the radio. Dustin would come by every now and then to sneak another beer out of the fridge. He'd wrap his arms around me and give me a kiss as I worked. I chuckled and so did he.

More memorable than the meal, which tasted comparatively bland compared to our past banquets, was an awkward and silly dance in our brown, poorly lit, 1970s kitchen. Dustin was already tipsy. My paws were dirty. He came in beside me and started rocking with me to some stupid Christmas song. He took me from my food prep and spun me around. Soon we were dancing face to face, trying to do some sort of impossible combination of swing and ballroom, stepping on each other's foot-paws. I giggled and so did he, even after we tripped and crashed into the fridge, all we did was laugh. My brother kissed me again in our kitchen in our cold and empty house. It wasn't our first, nor our most passionate or meaningful. It was one of the many casual kisses we gave each other whenever our paths crossed. We told each other that we loved each other. It was also not the first time we did that. We'd said that so often and so honestly that it lost its entire context as a mere sibling felicitation. We were saying it now as if we meant it, as if we were a much more mature couple, even though we were just barely beginning to comprehend the significance.

We were too full and fat to do much after eating. We just spent the evening under a blanket on our couch, talking shit about the football teams and about each other. I lay spooned beside Dustin; his paw chastely explored my flanks. With the freedom we had from being left alone, we also had the freedom to let our relationship develop without the need to cram every possible moment of solitude full of the most hardcore fucking. Dustin was different than me, but I learned that I liked his company and not just his sexual prowess. We still didn't have a word for what we were. We avoided trying to even think about it or put language to the companionship, or name the ever more frequent terms of endearment, and the rarer but therefore more heated lovemaking.

Being left alone had its pros and cons. I hated the house feeling so empty, but it did give us more time to explore our relationship free from the constraints placed upon us before. The problem of where and when to fuck ceased to be an issue. We could show our love in our own rooms if we wanted; though the risk still existed that dad could come home that night, having forgotten to call us in advance. It happened way too frequently that either Dustin or I had to dart under cover of darkness from one of our bedrooms to the other, naked, aroused and clutching a bundle of clothes while dad trod around downstairs. I liked the ability to spend nights sleeping next to my brother the most, even above the now much less covert fucking, even though both still carried a remote possibility of discovery. I don't think I would have had as easy a time with those all too quiet nights without Dustin. I just couldn't find sleep alone in my own bed. Ever more frequently I'd sneak into his room and crawl in beside him. That was where I wanted to be. It was just like when we were cubs on lonely nights when our dad was working late.

"I've got a surprise for you," Dustin said on an evening we had totally and fully to ourselves. We'd just finished doing dishes together and I performed the last, largely ceremonial swipe of the rag across the countertop.

"What?" I asked, letting my accent surface for my brother.

"Let's go upstairs."

"This doesn't sound like it's gonna end in much of a surprise to me."

"Trust me," Dustin said with his usual grin. "It's a present."

I could tell by his smirk and his impatience, as well as the whole textbook of subtle cues he was exuding that this had something to do with sex, but I followed him up the flights of squeaky stairs and down the dark hallway to his bedroom. He flipped on the light and wandered to the other side of his bed. He pulled out a cardboard box from under his bed and emptied it of most of its contents. The last thing to surface was a gray lockbox for which Dustin produced the key. In it were a few twenty dollar bills, ammunition, and something else. He tossed that product directly between us on the bed. It was a zip lock bag. In it was a mixture of metallic and colorful squares that if I had not recognized their name and purpose immediately, I would have thought was candy.

"Condoms!" I said, feeling the relief and excitement from what they meant and what they symbolized.

"Bought them from a friend who got them from out of town. He doesn't know about us. Nothing wrong or suspicious about a guy who wants to be prepared."

"Awesome!" I continued, "I'm glad you got these."

"I don't like them very much. Been doing pretty well without in my opinion, but ya'know. Peace of mind," Dustin said and paused, as if wanting to add something else but lacking the wording. "Plus these will allow us to do a few more things together."

I picked up the bag and took a closer look at its contents. It was the first time I'd ever held condoms. It took me a while to process my brother's statement. When it clicked I felt embarrassed that I didn't realize right away. "Damn, you're persistent," I said.

"So would you ever want to?"

"Dusty! What are you asking?" I exclaimed with a tone of surprise, shaming him into even coming up with the idea. "You're my brother!"

"Really? Really? This is weird to you now? After everything?"

"You know what it means," I said, stern.

"So? I'll wear a condom of course. Nothing's gonna happen."

"Well, we can't really be mates."

"It doesn't really mean that anymore. It's just for fun."

"I don't know Dusty. Even if we pretend it's just for fun. Tying? So soon?'

"Just floating the idea."

"You floated it a couple times already, now you're just begging."

"Just tell me you don't want it. Keep getting mixed signals from you."

"I do want it. Eventually."

"Don't tell me you actually believe it's for life?"

"Well, I like the idea that it is. It's more romantic if it means something."

"Look at mom and dad. They must have been our age. Fresh outta, or still in, High School. Dad was probably eager to bury his knot and mom let him. Probably just an accident or a heated moment. Because of this stupid tying means we're life-mates bullshit they probably got married as soon as they could. Look how that worked out?"

"Be that as it may, I still want it to mean something. I want it to be special. I think that's all I really want."

"It will be."

"You're my brother," I repeated.

"Since when is that a problem? We fucked like twenty times already."

I sighed. Was it twenty times already? I'd already lost count. "Dusty, can't we just be happy with what we're doing?"

"You get to be my first."

"What?"

"You let me be your first. I want to give you a bit of my history too. I've never done it before. Tied. Yea, we'll probably end up with other people and do it with them, but I'd hate to think I missed the chance with you. Doesn't that have some sort of meaning? We can look back and think that this all meant something and wasn't just, you know?"

"Good lord you're persistent," I said again, not buying Dustin's argument, even though it was tailor made to appeal to my weaknesses. He'd been thinking about this.

"I know," he said. "But aren't you glad I am?"

"Asshole," I said with a skeptical intonation.

"I love you too," said Dustin, ears flicking. "How about we try one out now?"

I let my tail wag a suggestive "no means no, but ask me again later" on my way out the door. I left Dustin with his condoms and his dirty ideas. "Pervert," I said while barely within earshot and slammed my bedroom door behind me.

"I heard that," came from the other side of the wall.

Contrary to expectations, we never fully embraced the newfound privacy our first week alone. Sure we had intentions to; we whispered certain vulgar suggestions to one another every time our paths crossed, even at school when we were double sure no one could overhear. We raced home and dashed up the stairs, seeing who could beat the other into our bedrooms. We spent our evenings on my bed or his, doing our little game of strip for every finished homework assignment or job well done. I'd let him pick his reward from the limitless menu my body could offer, but more often than anything, he chose just to keep me warm in bed or on the couch in front of the television set. He'd rest his paw somewhere on my naked body as we chuckled into the late night talk shows, free from any sort of temptation.

On the day after Thanksgiving my brother and I had the house to ourselves. We'd spent most of the day riding through the biting cold on our neighbor's 4-wheeler driving from junkyard to auto-parts shop making the best out of the deals. We'd picked up a new set of supplies which, if luck stayed with us, would bring our truck back to life. Dustin had set up a fire and neither of us were in the mood to watch the first wave of Christmas programming. He had a quilt laid out for us where our coffee table usually stood. As I sat down upon it as I did so many times on a similar quilt up on the mountain, I figured in doing so I made the decision to show Dustin the intimacy we so explicitly promised each other. Dustin, however, seemed in no hurry to escalate things beyond kissing. After a while he excused himself for what I assumed was to go fetch one of the condoms, but he returned only with a stack of board games.

"Seriously?" I said, looking at the dusty games that apparently hadn't seen play since before we went to high school.

"What?" Dustin said, somewhat offended. "We used to do this all the time around this time of year. It's almost Christmas."

"Yea, but that was like, forever ago. Do those even still have all the pieces?"

My brother rattled the boxes. "Maybe."

"Is that really how you want to spend the evening?"

"Why not? Last year here. Figured it'd be fun. Kinda goes with the fire and the coziness."

"What the fuck Dustin? What the hell happened to you?"

"What?" He looked offended.

"I'm getting a B-movie horror vibe from you right now."

"What I do?"

"So this morning you woke me up to your morning wood poking me in the spine and your ever so thoughtful sweet, sweet nothings of 'Oh sis, today I want to fuck you, knot you, and cum up your vaj.' Like what every girl wants to hear before coffee. Then today as we were out at the auto-parts store you told me, and I quote verbatim, you wanted to 'suck on your clit until you cum so hard it feels like you got hit by a Mitsubishi.' A Mitsubishi, Dusty, of all things a Mitsubishi. And then you set up the most romantic thing you've ever done for me, and I do mean genuinely romantic and not just your perverse idea thereof, only to bring me, what's that, Mall Madness and fucking Candyland?"

"I've got connect four too," he said.

I stood up. "That's it, I'm getting dad's pistol."

"I thought you liked connect four."

"When I was nine!"

"Hey wait! Where you going Alex?"

"To check the phone lines, panic, and break my ankle out in the yard."

"Well, that sounds fun and all, but you didn't hear me out."

"What now? Not gonna pull some rice crispy treats and tang out of your ass?"

"Na, I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to steal some bourbon and make rules for a strip version of one of these games," Dustin said and rattled the boxes.

"Whew," I said and turned around. "You really had me scared there."

"For fuck sake, not everything about me revolves around sex."

"I know Dusty. Just figured you had other expectations for tonight."

"Maybe I do," he said, growing a sly smile. He kneeled back on the quilt and lay out an array of games to choose from. "What do you think these are for?"

"Don't ever change Dusty. I like you just the way you are."

"Now you got me thinking about rice crispy treats," Dustin said, pulling the lid off Connect Four and sorting the pieces. "Red or black?"

"Black," I said, choosing the color I always insisted on.

"You get red," he said after sorting the pieces and erecting the lattice, pushing the pile of red chips my way over the sound of their familiar plastic rattle.

"Bastard," I said. "Why'd you even ask?"

"Red is a girl's color," he said, dropping the first chip into the bottom right of the lattice.

My ear's flicked with irritation. "You're really trying to get smacked, aren't you?" I said, regressing into my southern accent. I countered by sending a chip next to his. "Besides, who are you calling a girl?"

"We'll see what's between your legs soon enough," he said, trying for a diagonal.

"You just made this real, Dustin," I said, now vehemently blocking him.

"Bitch," he said, as I muffed up his horizontal stack.

"Bastard," I corrected, turning a row of two into three.

"Whore," he said, as I countered him in a way that gave me two winning options.

"Dick," I said, surprising him with a diagonal win. "Connect four."

"Pretty sneaky sis," he said, emulating a line from the classic commercial of our youths.

Dustin's line had a way of robbing all pride from my victory. I couldn't help but giggle while Dustin unhesitatingly peeled his shirt of his back. "I hate you so, so much Dusty." I said as I struggled for composure. My vision was momentarily blurred by my brother's t-shirt as it pelted me in the face.

My luck didn't hold up after that. We played a few rounds strip connect-four, strip trouble, then strip checkers, which I lost multiple times, but could lose again due to my brother's generosity. I think he just liked to see me undress, liked to have power over the growing pile of my clothes. I knew him well enough to know that. By the time Milton Bradley was turning in his grave and the fire died down we took a break. I padded alone through the house wearing nothing but an extra-large Sonic Youth shirt stolen from Brandon's things before he left. Even though I'd spent a good part of the evening bare breasted for my brother, I still craved to rescue some of my decency when not explicitly required to be naked.

I was in the kitchen scouting for some sort of a snack or thirst quencher when Dustin came and joined me. "What are you doing?" He asked as I snooped from cupboard to cupboard. He was dressed down to as far as I could get him during our last match. He was shirtless, but had on the warm flannel pajama bottoms I'd made for him earlier during the fall from some nice Star Wars themed cloth I picked up. It pleased me how much he wore them.

"Got the munchies," I said.

"No, I mean, what are you doing with that shirt? You lost."

"Shit, can't a guy get some dignity around here?"

"Fuck, you agreed to the rules. Lose it."

"No," I said, crossing my arms over my beloved shirt. "It's a bit chilly."

"Good," Dustin said, stepping nearer, "that means they'll be nice and perky."

"Shut up," I sung and stepped away, but my brother quickly had me held against the pantry cabinets. We stood there, face to face. He wore that sly look again. I felt myself blushing. My tail wagged behind me, pinned between my body and the shuttered doors.

"Besides," he said. "I can keep you warm." He smiled.

Our muzzles tilted opposing directions and united. We kissed shamelessly in the poorly lit kitchen. My arms were draped at my sides, but found a purpose coming to rest on either side of my brother's hips. From there they followed his slender torso upward until my fingers disappeared in the longer tufts of his mane. Dustin held me against the cabinetry, but once he realized I didn't plan on going anywhere one paw moved to my flank and followed my feminine curves downward, caressing me through the oversized Sonic Youth t-shirt. My brother had made turning me on a science. Every time we got together he put into practice a more efficient way to get me to acquiesce. This time all it took was a kiss and that one sole caress. He had me completely.

Dustin tugged Brandon's old shirt up to the level of my hip. A quick caress beneath confirmed that I hadn't snuck my boxers back on. Had I, I'm sure I'd have lost them then and there. My brother leaned off me and let me step away from the wall of cabinet doors. I followed him to the middle of the kitchen without breaking the kiss. There we stood with our arms around each other, swaying gently in the slight chill and dim neon light. My tail wagged freely behind me, stirring air around my foot-paws.

I felt myself spin. I stepped backward as Dustin guided me, instructing me to where I neither knew nor cared. I felt the countertop bump into me. That's where I opened my eyes and parted the kiss. I looked at my brother again, this time with all my affections apparent. He shared that side of himself that wasn't all about sex. I looked at him and decided that everything I saw was Dustin being a mate. I felt glad to catch that side of him again that should have only been seen and felt by some girlfriend or wife well down life's road.

"You said you were hungry?" He said. "How about another game?"

"What?" I asked and blushed.

Dustin swept his paw through my mane and tugged down an ear. He then produced a quarter, pretending it came from my ear. "Voila," he said.

"What's that?" I asked, seeing the coinage but not understanding what he meant.

"Winner gets a snack," he said. "Call it in the air." My brother flipped the coin and went out of his way to catch it.

"Heads," I said without thinking.

Dustin brought his paw between us. He waited a moment, looking at his clenched fist, then up at me, building suspense. "Heads you say?"

I nodded.

He rapidly opened his paw. On his palm-pad lay the quarter, eagle side up. "I win," he said and let that illicit smile return to his features.

"What do you want?" I asked, looking into his eyes.

Then I felt my brother's paws descend my body. I felt myself lifted onto the countertop. I helped and scooted my bare bottom comfortable on the linoleum. "A little nibble," he said, keeping his gaze on my muzzle. His paws were already tugging the shirt out from beneath me. "Now let's see you again."

I wordlessly tugged off the big t-shirt and dropped it beside me. Dustin eyed my nudity one more time. I had nothing new for him to see. I was still just the naked girl he'd seen just a few minutes before, except now I sat under the direct and dim, humming light with thighs parted and not a thing about myself I could hide from my twin sibling. Dustin stepped closer, wearing that same suggestive smile and a look as if there was something about my body that inspired awe. He tugged apart my legs even more than they were spread for him and stepped between my knees. My breasts were approximately at his muzzle's level. "I love you, sis," Dustin said, his fingertips leaving furrows on my thighs on their way back to my hips. Without further hesitation he leaned in kissed my breast. His ears swept back humbly.

I felt myself inhaling, not out of surprise, but in response as if every nerve simultaneously decided to remind me, yes, you are aroused. I began to breathe through my open muzzle, watching Dustin suckle away at my breast. My brother's kiss intensified. I felt him draw on my bosom and pull my nipple in past his lips. With every second he grew more eager, more willing to let my nipple feel the textures of his tongue and the warmth of his saliva. I noticed my paws clutched the edge of the counter. I had to remind myself to relax. I brought one of my paws to my brother's forehead. My thumb caressed the blaze stripe between his closed eyes, the trademark of our family. I swept over his ears and came to rest on the back of my brother's head and held him upon my chest in invitation to partake.

"Not here," I whispered after several moments of Dustin proving how effective stimulation of the erogenous areas around my breast could be. However, his preoccupation with my breast waned, if for only the moment. After a few more nuzzles upon my bare chest he decided to descend in an overt pursuit of other appetites. Of course he didn't listen. His nose kept inching downward over my belly and his paw began to lift my thigh in an attempt to angle me appropriately. I leaned back and gripped the opposite side of the counter and presented my sex from under me, watching my foot-paws dangle in the air on either side of my brother. I swept my gaze from left to right. The house was empty, but I'd become so conditioned not to even dare performing affection out in the open, I could almost feel my dad standing behind me, frozen in shock. My attention returned to Dustin just as he rounded south of my navel and began to nibble on my pubic tufts.

I vented my anticipation as my brother found the pink skin of my sliver, capitulating to his eager choice of venue. My vulva found itself beneath Dustin's nose, lips, and muzzle fur, subjected to numerous kisses and coaxing nuzzles. No sooner than he began to suck on my clitoral hood did my hips arch up and the paw resting on the back of his head pull him closer. I gasped as I agreed with him, that the kitchen was as good a place as any for some foreplay.

I pet him encouragingly while his head angled from left to right with my clit between his lips. I could feel him sucking on the hood while his tongue desperately tried to wiggle underneath for a more direct taste of the erect little pearl. Needless to say he had me flowing. Every other moment a soft little moan got caught in my throat. I buckled forward and couldn't keep myself sitting still. He had me rolling on my twitching tail by the time he decided to include my labia. He sucked and tugged on those folds of skin and occasionally permitted himself to lap through them to cleanse them of the buildup of my flavors. Dustin's paw joined in only to spread my petals and expose the hidden details of my sex. All I could do was hold on and enjoy as he licked my clit, pee-slit, and vaginal entrance.

Occasional, half-stifled utterances and the wet smack of my brother's lips upon my sex punctuated the drone of the refrigerator and the silence throughout the rest of the house. The closer Dustin got me to cumming, the harder they were to repress, and the less voluntary all of my squirming became. His muzzle pressed firmly upon my labia and pubic fur and he sucked the little bump, where between his lips it received the unceasing attention of his tongue. I buckled forward and emitted the loudest gasp yet, unable to take more than a minute or two of that kind of stimulation. I repeatedly bucked against my brother's face, clutching him firmly between my legs while my clit and passage twitched upon the tip of his muzzle, so that he had no choice but to experience the reaction he coaxed out of me up close and personal.

My hold on Dustin relented once my muscles grew weak and the twitching in my lower belly drew out and vanished with the last scintillations of pleasure. As always he stayed put, even after my paws set him free. He rose a moment later, his muzzle anointed with my arousal. He smiled at me and panted, cute as always, despite the dirty nature of the thoughts no doubt circulating in his head. I stiffly leaned up and scooted back to the edge of the counter. My paws took Dustin by the mane. I kissed him on the muzzle as he stood there panting. My fingers sunk into his fur. His lips found mine once he'd caught his breath and stayed there. Once again the refrigerator's drone became the only sound downstairs.

I remember slipping off the countertop onto my wobbly legs. It was agreed where we should go next. I lead Dustin with my naked body, slinking through the darkness of our home. My tail wagged behind me with palpable excitement, flagging for my brother every step of the way. The stairs creaked beneath our foot-paws as we left the mess downstairs. I took my brother into my room and closed the door behind him. I kept the ceiling light on long enough for me to flick the switches on smaller lamps for the appropriate mood and put on a mixtape I'd specifically complied to accompany incestous sex. We kissed again when the lights dimmed, standing in the middle of my bedroom, feet away from the site of our upcoming transgression. My paw went for his sheath. I could tell he was peeking. I untied the drawstring on his pajama bottoms and let them fall to the floor. I made sure his boxers followed suit, but only after making fun of his pre-stain. We made out a moment longer. I stood wrapped in my brother's embrace while I tugged on his aroused manhood with one paw and cupped his balls with the other.

"Fuck, you're amazing," Dustin said, breaking the kiss.

"So were you earlier," I said, sweeping my ears back in a combination of shyness and humility. "You ready?" I said seconds later, holding my brother by the sheath. I nodded in the direction of my neatly made bed.

"You'll have to let me go first," he said, referring to the way I kept his boy parts captive.

I giggled and gave him a few more strokes and a gentle little fondle. When he slipped from my fingers Dustin stepped out of his fallen clothing and hopped onto my sheets. He lay on his back, cock very much prominent. I felt like pouncing him then and there, but I wisely strode around my bed to my nightstand, where I precariously hid my share of the condoms in my nightstand. I picked one up, inspected it pensively, and tossed it onto Dustin's belly. Only then did I allow myself to cave in to my eagerness. In a split second I'd already joined my brother in bed and held his rather attractive canine manhood. I stared at it, then gazed up at his muzzle, giving his arousal a quick stroke or two. I smiled and so did he. Temptation was something to be acted upon and not resisted. I blinked. When I reopened my eyes Dustin's pubic fur filled my field of vision. His tufts tickled my nose. My tongue swept over the smoothness of a dog's cock and my brother's familiar scents and flavors rewarded my courage.

My radar-like ears swept to the sound of Dustin humming in approval. He uttered a curse word and then my name. His paw lovingly nudged my muzzle as I started to rise and sink, bobbing along the vein speckled pink of an aroused rough collie. I gave my sibling a good fluffing, as if he really needed it. He felt rock hard between my lips from the moment I wrapped my muzzle around him. It definitely felt different, almost normal, as I lay there in the nude at the foot of my bed, letting my crush's canine cock-tip graze my palate with practiced movements. We were done running, done exiling ourselves into the cold of the forest. Here in the cozy warmth of my bedroom we could let our affections unfold to the tune of melancholy and therefore romantic american post-punk.

I took comfort in my brother's familiar scents and flavors, and encouragement in his low-pitched growls of appreciation as I so intimately strove to show him with actions what I lacked the courage to express with words. I pulled off when the unmistakable flavor of Dustin's pre became dominant in my muzzle. I smiled at him and tugged on his member, selfishly implying a need of my own. My brother didn't keep me waiting. He broke the condom wrapper, tossed it aside, and began to unfurl the rubber down his canine shaft right before my eyes. I straddled him and tried to look sexy and aroused, which turned out to be an easy act.

We began our session on the side of my bed. He sat upright and I had my legs wrapped around him. My paws clutched his shoulders and one of his rested on the small of my back. His other was in his lap, guiding his length along my slit, teasing me the way he enjoyed doing because he knew it would get me to act first and wiggle down upon that canine rod out of desperation. I resisted not out of hesitance, but because I knew my brother's strategies. Unfortunately Dustin won out. A few licks on the underside of my muzzle and neck persuaded me not to wait a moment longer. I vented a sigh between my brother's ears as I felt myself entering into another round of incest. My wet vagina spread around Dustin's manhood, taking him slow at first until eagerness convinced me I needed to feel his sheath-fur tickling my labia.

I permitted myself to exhale the rare expletive, stuffed to the balls with my sibling's perfectly fitting cock. Dustin's paws moved to my back and sensually swept through my long chocolate fur, petting down my spine as if rewarding me for so fervently becoming complicit with him in our latest taboo. He kissed the ruff just above my breasts while his paws stroked my fur flat. Mine in contrast ruffled his mane and sought for handholds I'd need as soon as our movement began. My brother's paw moved to my butt, his fingertips dangerously close to my tail-hole. A squeeze and a nuzzle between my breasts beckoned me to begin. I did without question.

Another sigh left my lips. My paws clenched wherever they rested. Dustin's cock left a vacancy where he'd shoved it, one I instantly needed filled again. When his tip was all that was left inside me I sank. I intended a slow and sensual descent, but Dustin beat me too it. He half pulled me down and half bucked up, slamming his sheath into my lips and his tip into my deepest folds, forcing a surprised yet satisfied tone from me. The first half dozen cycles brought me to utter similar sounds. I clenched my eyes and bore my fangs and simply let the ripples of intense pleasure roll over me.

So we continued. Our paws seized whatever they could, grabbing limbs and bushels of fur and flesh in a continuous attempt to draw each other nearer, as if an idle lapse in intensity would sever the lifeline between us. My fingers curled into Dustin's mane either to hold on for stability or to encourage him to let loose in any way he liked. His clutched my back and shoulders, pulling me into his rapid feral thrusts. His other squeezed my butt and tugged on my tail. The scoundrel even permitted himself to sweep his paw-pads across that very intimate furless patch just between my cheeks in moments I felt too indisposed to say or do anything about it. I let him have every inch of me.

Dustin's knot joined the game as predicted. He made sure to shove that growing firm spot into me with each of his bucks. I felt my lips hug the canine bulge on its way into the spot of my body designed to accommodate its totality. I squirmed a little bit and my tail swished, more showing than telling Dustin to lay off a bit with that thing, as pleasant as it felt inside me. Meanwhile he nibbled at all the buttons along my neck he knew from experience brought about an uncharacteristic acquiescence in my behavior. If only Dustin knew how close he came to succeeding.

"So do you want to?" Dustin whispered into the base of my ear after his tongue lapped up the curve of my jaw-line.

"Want to what?" I asked as if I didn't already know what he wanted, softly speaking into his ear.

"Tie?" He said in a quick and matter of fact exhalation.

I chuckled and slowed. "Come on Dusty, you don't want to mate with your sister."

"Come on, fuck yea I do. It's just for fun. We got the place to ourselves now. Ain't nobody gonna bother us."

"We can't," I peeped.

"Fuck," he said with some disappointment. "That's right, you're old school."

"It's not that," I panted. "We just need to talk about it. While we're not in the middle of things."

"Aww fuck," he said. "I want you so bad."

"You got me Dusty. I'm all here for you." I said, flexing my vaginal muscles around Dustin's firm girth, trying my best to convince him that everything I offered, and would continue to offer at the mere hint of his cravings should be enough.

The temptation was there as Dustin changed his movements so that his knot swelled just outside my body. I got to feel that bulge pound away at my clit and labia and the resultant waves of pleasure ride my nerves all the way up my spine. In the heat of the moment I had my regrets for denying my brother that privilege. Fuck, the temptation had been there since before our first time, only to be rationalized away and resurface in later fantasies. In our area, especially in our parent's generation, tying was a big deal. Thinking of myself life-mated to my paternal twin just didn't seem to compute.

Things got blurry during the final few minutes. Dustin leaned back and took me with him, hammering away at my pussy with all the energy he had. Somehow I ultimately ended up on my back with my brother on top of me. I clutched the comforter with one paw and my brother's mane with the other, begging him to go harder and deeper into my raised hips. The only vivid memory of those last moments to stay with me was opening my eyes to gaze into my brother's, to glimpse into those emerald-auburn crystals within the pleasure-worn features of his familiar face. "Dusty," I vented with the intonation of a plea, peering down my muzzle and up his, interpreting the presence of emotions that made our deeds about far more than just sex.

My own expression must have communicated the same; the romantic concoction of speechless language, a whole novel of longing and intent. The one word I spoke, the name of my brother, and the subtext beneath it inspired Dustin to speed up in an attempt to grant me precisely that which I craved. A few more impalements broke that barrier of pressure and made me sing a solitary note and squirm beneath my sibling's energetic body. Vaginal walls contracted in a flurry of disconcerting spasms while my brain set loose a flood of soothing, rewarding chemicals. I pulled him close and offered myself up, quivering beneath the rapidly thrusting being for fur, craving nothing more than have my brother as close to me as possible.

Dustin buckled forward a few moments later, just as my flutters milked him for his seed. The now very familiar pants followed the typical swear-word he tended to utter upon release. His waves of hot exhalation definitely coincided with his genital twitches. The nature of his buck confirmed the story happening within me. He rammed his knotted cock resolutely between my labia and dumped his ball's contents safely inside the condom's reservoir. My body greeted that long awaited motion with an eager rise. I vented a tiny little feminine grunt as I indulged in the faint sensation of my brother's hard cock throbbing so intimately buried in my womanhood. Subsequent pushes rocked my post-orgasmic body as if he were trying to force his bulge into my body's warmth. Through half-way opened eyes I could see my brother's bared fangs, his muzzle wrinkled in a distortion of pleasure, his eyes quivered shut.

After his moment ended he turned back into his usual self. Kisses and laps rained down upon me, showing me all the love that came after an outpouring of passion. Muzzle, neck, and breasts received a tongue-bath while his cock softened inside me. I returned in kind when able. I otherwise caressed Dustin with rewarding touches, straightening the fur I'd tussled out of order in thanks for a job well done. My brother replaced his cock with his muzzle the moment he slipped free. Just as I thought I could find a moment of respite, Dustin's actions seemed intent on preventing that. His tongue wiggled into my gaping vagina and lapped over all the folds his cock occupied moments earlier. He had my fire stoked in no time since he knew exactly what little corners had that itch and what folds needed to feel the pressure of his nose and the tickle of his whiskers. My paw reached between his ears in a mere few moments. Minutes after that I was writhing, raising my hips for Dustin, and holding him in place against his obsession with tightly clenched legs. A final outpouring of arousal anointed my brother's muzzle and gave him something to slake his thirsts.

After I couldn't take another lick, Dustin joined me on the bed. We lay side by side and gazed at one another. The tip of his condom hung laden with several tablespoons of collie sperm. I'm willing to confess to a certain kink; actually liking the feeling of that stuff ejaculating inside me, but without the pill or something, my brother's swimmers were better there than on their way into my uterus. I liberated my brother of the cum receptacle and tossed it towards my wastebasket. When I worked up the strength I cuddled up against my brother. I lay with my cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He kissed me between the ears and let his paw sweep flat my fur. We ended up watching one of those Christmas specials after all on my tiny television set. I tried hard to concentrate on the familiar movie, but every shift let me feel the recent taboo. Every part of me felt used in the most delightful way possible.

We still didn't have a word for what we were. To the observer our condition would appear obvious. As I clutched my brother's fur and wiggled my naked body up against his for warmth and affection, I knew, but disregarded the name of our affliction. I lay with Dustin content and confident. The titling of our affair seemed the most distant worry on earth. Perhaps that's part of what love is, when it exists, it exists as a phantasmal organism. It eludes science, confounds scholars, rejects binomial nomenclature. I felt happy in that moment, and for the rest of the evening, until well after Dustin turned the television off and I found myself melting into the contours of his body in preparation for sleep. It was no wonder then, as I was drifting away, I more realized than decided that I felt ready to let Dustin become my mate the next time the opportunity would arise. Until then I hoped it would become the topic of my dreams.