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There I sat on toilet, with Daren still grasping onto the base of my slowly deflating cock. We stared at death incarnate in the form of a murderous Francesca Buchannan... with the product of my projectile orgasm strung all over her face. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself it was just a fever hallucination, my eyes confirmed to me that, yup, I had American Pied all over her face.

Her gaze consumed me, projecting the grim reaper into my soul. My final, labored breaths became my own death knell. Not a single word escaped from her muzzle as Francesca began her strut of vengeance.

*clack clack clack*

...away from the bathroom stall.

What?

Oh.

Oh, great.

Fantastic.

Here I was nice and ready to die, but now I had to think of a way to apologize for accidentally jizzing on a girl's face. Awkwaaaaaaard.

"ShouldI go afterher andapoligze?" I drunkenly asked a very baffled Daren. Still crouched down by the base of the filthy toilet, he shrugged at me, equally at a loss as he let go of my Little Robbie. "I guess? Shedefinitely mad."

Welp, definitely not going to try to convince her that gender neutral bathrooms are a good thing now...

Groaning at my predicament, I put my pants back on and stood up. "Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck," I slurred, nearly falling down from combined alcohol and sexual exhaustion. Collecting myself, I began my suicidal chase to apologize to the girl who unambiguously wanted me dead. I gave myself one last 'oh fuck' because this was going to get ugly.

I exited the cursed bathroom to the hopping gymnasium, knowing damn well I was treading on eggshells queefed out by a calcium-deprived Chicken. "Francesca, wait!" I called out once I spotted her strutting through the crowd (that actively made way for the student body president) toward the exit. She turned around menacingly and tossed me a threatening stare. I noticed the jizz had been removed her face; she must have quickly wiped off my gunk from her muzzle at the cursed bathroom sink, though a strand of it was still dangling on her ear... I didn't mention that little detail to her.

"I'm sorry Igot my penisjuice onyour face!" I shouted out as I shambled up to her, like the drunk slob I was. The loitering students and other guests immediately began rubbernecking at my comment, throwing around 'Ooohhh's and 'Aaah's and 'Dramaaaa's. Mouth agape in indignation, Francesca glowered at me with enough intensity to bore a hole into my jugular vein. Realizing what I had just made into public information, I mentally cursed my untimely verbal diarrhea.

Her expression increasingly homicidal, Francesca stomped toward me in a way that was somehow still delicate. In no uncertain terms, her body language conveyed to me in that I was going to rue that day that I messed on with Francesca Buchannan.

She forcefully yanked me by the collar and dragged me off to the side. Francesca pulled me in mere inches from the tip of her muzzle, and lemme tell you, them cold blue Huskie eyes brooked no nonsense, sweetie. I winced enough to permanently twist up my muzzle as she let the verbal floodgates open, "You have made an enemy out of the worst possible person in this school. Once all this is over, I am going to not just ruin your reputation and popularity, I am going to systematically ruin. your. life." I couldn't even as I listened to the horrid words that bellowed from her mouth. I just stared at her, struggling to breathe past her tight grip on my collar. Scared shitless, my mouth hung slack as the Husky explained increasingly colorful ways of ruining my life from getting my parents fired to hiring hackers to steal my identity. "No colleges in all of Ohio will accept you when I'm through with you. You'll have to start a new life out of state after I-"

"-Hey there," came an amicable voice coming from our side, salvation ringing in my ears. With the rest of my body frozen in horror, my eyes managed to shift sideways; my savior came in the form of a very tall green Iguana. "Are you two in the middle of an altercation?" he asked with a concerned frown.

Oh, thank the big fat whore in the sky, it's Jayce!

Realizing that her crush was right there, Francesca quickly rectified her hostile posture, let go of my collar (giving me a chance to take in a big gulp of air) and affected a bright smile. "Oh, Rob's just being a bit of silly lummox, nothing much," she said with a frivolous laugh so at odds with her behavior five seconds ago that it made my fur crawl. "How have you been enjoying the festivities, Jayce?" she asked like a dainty flower maiden.

With a moment now out of Francesca's fiery snatches of doom, I looked at Jayce with desperate eyes. Maybe it was just the alcohol in my system, but oh my God, Jayce was kinda smoking hot tonight?! With contacts instead of glasses, his bright yellow eyes looked piercingly beautiful. He wore his letterman jacket open to a low-cut T-shirt, revealing his moderate chest muscles. He bore a pair of skinny jeans strapped on with knitted leather belt; I was equally resentful of and turned on by his thigh gap.

Damn I wouldn't mind getting a scoop of that pistachio sorbet... Wait, no, my whole life is on the line here, and Jayce might just be my ticket to safety! Think of a plan!

"It's spectacular; you've outdone yourself this year. I can't think of a single thing to critique. The energy and ambience are simply blowing me away," Jayce cooed, smiling brightly in admiration.

Oh God, is he low-key flirting with her? Ew, way to kill my boner, man. I mean PLAN. THINK.

"Oh, you flatterer you," a blushy Francesca responded swish of her wrist.

"Might I add you look stellar tonight as well?" Jayce continued with piqued eyebrows and a honeyed smile. I stealthily turned to the side and grimaced with my tongue sticking out in disgust.

Is this genuine hetero flirting I'm witnessing here? Gross. Jayce, man, why are you doing this to me? I'd rather listen to one of Anne's poetry recitals. A;sldkfj wait no, bad train of thought, stay on topic! Come up with your plan to escape from certain doom!

Francesca placed a paw on her chest and began caressing her fur shoulder wrap as if humbly surprised by the compliment. "My goodness, thank you. And might I add that you look rather suave tonight, Jayce?" Francesca followed up with a sensual warble, to my deep, DEEP chagrin.

"I pale in comparison to your beauty, I'm sure," Jayce responded as if he had that line written on the back of his hand. The delight on Francesca's face grow in direct proportion to the disgust on mine.

Gouge my eyes out why don't you?! But no really, why is Jayce being all flirty?! Oh goddammit, this is bothering me too much to think! WHY?!

*A few minutes ago*

Jayce sauntered over from the drag show crowd to the food station, looking to get some of those decadent biscuit-like pastries now that the line had subsided. For having gone alone and being straight, the Iguana was having a surprisingly great time at homecoming out. The drag show performance was nonstop entertainment, the DJ actually had enough sense to prepare a set with strong melodies and beats (and not just nonstop dubstep noises), and the food was delicious, if vulgarly designed. He only wished Chris could have come for the night... He wasn't as interested in Jayce's intellectual (read: nerdy) pursuits, but he was always so animated and energetic that everything was just more fun with the Wolf.

Filling his plate with a sensible portion of quirkily designed foods that he calculated would leave him at approximately 80% stomach capacity, Jayce picked up a peculiar whimpering noise coming from under the table. Curiosity overcoming his feelings of awkwardness, Jayce crouched down and pulled up the multicolored tablecover to unveil a terrified Raccoon in the fetal position, quaking like a fault line.

Doubting his eyes, Jayce blinked several times at the sight, "Ellie, is that you? What're you doing under the table?" he asked in a concerned voice. Jayce knew her from several AP classes they shared. From his perspective Ellie was an intelligent, virtuous, and determined individual. So why was she shaking like a scared pup?

"Hiding... from my nightmare..." The Raccoon responded as if she had severe PTSD.

Sighing, Jayce placed his plate down and crawled into the table's underspace along with the Raccoon. The tablecover's glowpaint, being the only source of light in the enclosed space, made it seem like some sort of intergalactic jailhouse. Scrunching his large frame under a low table wasn't exactly a dignified thing to do, but clearly Ellie was in need of some assistance without compromising her... hiding situation.

"...Care to elaborate? Maybe I can help," the Iguana asked unforcefully. The light coaxing was enough to get the Raccoon to stressfully ramble about her disastrous experience with homecoming, from entrusting her decoration job to others, to her horror upon find the decorations completely different from Francesca's original plan, to her flight from an enraged Francesca who looked like she was out for blood. The whole while she spoke in a quivering whisper as if afraid Francesca would hear her and catch her at any moment.

"She's not wrong to be mad at me either, I did fail her... Oh, I'm such a dunce!" Ellie lamented with closed eyes, grabbing either side of her muzzle and shaking her head like demons were whispering in her triangular ears telling her, 'YOU FAILED US'.

Not being very good at comforting others, Jayce nodded sympathetically. Still, one detail stood out to the Iguana as having problem-solving potential: Francesca apparently wanted the night to be perfect to her vision as part of some sort of plan to grab Jayce's romantic attention? And something, something Rob was her fake date? "So... she's mad at you in part for ruining her roundabout plan to manipulate me into asking her out?"

"Yes..." the Raccoon said fatalistically, eyes wide as if seeing cataclysmic visions of the 2012 apocalypse that never happened.

Jayce let out a noise that was somewhere between laugh and uncertain huff, "...Well, I suppose I could just ask her out then."

T'was a breakthrough. "Really? You'd do that for me?" Ellie asked as if Jayce had turned into the very vision of Raptor Jesus himself.

The Iguana nodded his head casually, yet collectedly. "It wouldn't be much sacrifice on my part. Francesca seems a little stiff, but... I'm not uninterested, I suppose? I'd need to work on her perfectionism though."

"You think it'll work?" the Raccoon asked with desperate, hoping eyes.

Another collected nod of the head. "I believe so. I could also tell her how great the homecoming dance designs are; she'll think the changes worked in her favor and probably be less liable to yell at you. And if I ask her out, then she'll have little reason to be irate for the plan going awry, since the outcome would be just as well."

Ellie's profile lit up as if a promenade of angels had secured her a path from hell to heaven, twinkle twinkle twinkle. "Thank you thank you thank you! I don't know how I'll ever repay you!" she said in a voice cracking in relief, paws balled together and shaking back and forth in gratitude.

Jayce felt his dewlap slowly starting to puff out at the cute display; hopefully it wouldn't lead him to developing a savior complex. But the moment was cut short by a loud 'Francesca, wait!' in Rob's voice that resounded all the way under the table, evidently his cue to get going. "No problem. I'm going to go talk to her now... You might want to sneak out while I'm doing so..."

_ _

He's probably just drunk. Just assume everyone is drunk at all times and everything in my life makes sense. There: Mystery of the heterosexual flirting solved. Now think of plan!

Jayce had a little story to share while I was thinking of my lifeline strategy: "But in case you're curious, since everyone seems to forget that I'm on the football team, I figured it'd be amusing to dress like a jock to homecoming out," the Iguana explained with a lighthearted smile. Francesca began nodded her head in enthrallment like Jayce's plain comment was bringing her to church in the name of Raptor Jesus. _ _

With still no brilliant strategy coming to mind, I tried mouthing 'help me' to Jayce while Francesca's attention was directed at him. However, Jayce's eyes moved on to a different point of interest. "Oh Francesca, you've got some sort of... viscous white liquid clinging to you ear."

I saw the Husky crack for one sweet moment when she realized she missed some of my baby gravy on her head. She rectified that with a convincing smile, but I could tell that underneath her calm exterior she was epic-level cringing_._ "Oh, that's just... fur conditioner. I must have missed a spot when I was rubbing that in."

"Oh, well I can rub that in for you..." Jayce offered in a smooth velvety voice, extending his hand out to her ear.

I could feel the heat from the Husky's blush radiating to me. "Oh, that's um..." Francesca started to protest, but it came out too hesitantly to stop him; Jayce proceeded to sensually rub my semen into her ear fur.

Francesca's open muzzle tightened as if someone had just injected her with uber-Botox. She was freezing up in pure humiliation. Futile as coming up with a plan had been, it suddenly hit me that this was my chance; Francesca was vulnerable. This was the big opening I was waiting for!

"Jayce, that'snot moisturizer. Ijust gave Francesca afacial inthe bathroom stall. that's mysemen you'rerubbing intoher ear," I blathered out like no one's business.

Boom. Shots fired. Take that liberal snowflakes.

Francesca's mortified expression at my comment could be best described as 'scandalized to filth'. The Husky gasped in pure disbelief that I would go there, staring at me with a gaping maw still processing a deluge of anger and mortification. Scared as I had just been, I couldn't help but smirk at the delectable sight.

Looking at her response and then smelling his sticky wet fingers to verify, Jayce gagged (figuratively and literally), and I mean wet sock, rubber ball, bite-down harness, pacifier all chained together with a canine-muzzle gagged. "I think I need to wash my hands," Jayce muttered, beelining for the line to the bathroom.

"Yes, um, excuse us for a moment," Francesca all but whispered as Jayce departed, her anger so advanced that it lowered her voice. She then pulled me to the side a bit sideways besides the unsightly side she had since sought to site ourselves. "How dare you!" she intoned like a death curse. "And here I was, thinking not all gay men had loose lips!"

I don't know if it was the low-key homophobia in the comment, the alcohol, or the sudden rush from turning the tables on this Husky who was always one step ahead of me, but something tipped me over the edge at that moment. The levels of adrenaline and 'I'm done with this shit' soared up to levels on par to my locker room tantrum earlier today. I felt my internal switch flip, but 'delusional' was no longer a setting after I had merged with my subconscious. It went to the only other option: attack mode.

No more Mr. nice kitty! I've HAD IT, OFFICIALLY! "No, howdare YOU threatento ruin mylife!" I snarled back without wasting a beat. I noticed the Husky flinch the tiniest bit at my sudden intensity. "Imma bereal withyou here Ms. Thing, and Imean Real Housewivesof BeverlyHills real here_._ Iknow Jayce leagues betterthan youdo andif I tellhim half thethings you said tome he'll never wanna be withyou."

Francesca angrily clamped down her jaw at that comment. Attacking her Princess Diana fantasy? Check.

"Clearly people arealready conspiring againstyou andplanning to dethrone you, and I'vegot dirt onyou now Ican addto their arsenal. Doyou really wantanother enemy inme?"

Francesca gritted her teeth, her lips spreading as she chewed on the thought. Attacking her paranoia? Check.

"And doyou thinkyou'll ever bepresident ofthe United States if you're knownas that girlwho gaveme bad blowJ andgot jizz allover herface during Homecoming? Well, doyou?!"

Attacking her dreams, aspirations and reputation? Check_mate_.

"Ah!" She huffed out in offense. "I never!" You could see the gears turning in her head, but whatever they were moving produced no goods. She glared at me incredulously, yet no counter remarks came out of her muzzle. That's when I knew then that I had won.

She let out a frustrated huff. "...Fine. Consider our deal officially dismantled and condemned. But you better tell Jayce you were just kidding about the... ejaculation thing," was her weak counter demand. I didn't even have to think about it. Done.

"JUST KIDDING JAYCE!" I yelled out to my Iguana friend, who was roughly twenty feet away in the line to the non-cursed bathroom. He waved back hesitantly to acknowledge my comment. He didn't get out of line.

The Husky's face remained red in anger and humiliation at my unstylish concession. Francesca affected a regal posture as if trying to keep it classy despite all the semen talk. She covered her cummy ear and scoffed at me like I was sentient garbage. "...I suppose I'll just get Arcangelo to be my proper fake date for the night, after I wash off your... ooh, it makes me so mad just thinking about it! Have fun shoving glass dildos up your butt with Daren for the rest of the night you ungrateful flake," she prissily remarked as she began her brisk walk to the nice girl's bathroom back at the school's entrance.

I lifted my index finger into the aha gesture. "Joke's onyou! The dildos mymom boughtme weren't glass; theywere silicone... ohwait she's alreadygone," I muttered, my words tapering off by the end. My finger fell down slack, and I stood in place blankly, staring at Francesca's back as she marched out of the gymnasium. The DJ's EDM number reached its fade away ending, giving way to some ambling pseudo rap-song that matched my anticlimactic feelings of 'oh wait, it's over?' perfectly.

It took me a few moments of rubbing the back of my head, regretting my ill-timed comeback to realize that... I did it. I did it! I had successfully out-guiled my archnemesis! Who would have thought accidentally ejaculating onto a girl's face would work in my favor? I guess it's true what they say: witches hate liquid! Huehuehuehuehuehuehue.

Chest brimming with triumph and joy, I partook in a happy dance (which was mostly just random noodle-arm flailing as I rotated in circles), tunelessly singing 'no more date, no more straight, I'm so gay, I like dicks, I lick dicks, I eat dicks, dicks all day, dicks dicks dicks~' to myself.

Right when I was starting to get dizzy, I caught sight of Daren exiting from the shit-hole bathroom not too far away. He was griping to himself about blueballs and having to jerk himself off alone in a haunted bathroom. We've all been there before.

I eagerly clomped up toward my big muscular Rottie. "Daren, I did it! I stood up to her! No more bullshit, I'm free to be your date," I rejoiced, arms extended jovially.

Noticing me and my comment, the Rottie's miffed expression waxed happy and proud. "Fuck yeah," he said, with a satisfied grin. Reaching his side, I winded up for a haymaker high five, which after a few moments of 'oh that's what he's doing' Daren held his paw up for me to slap. We both chuckled at the awkward exchange, then, in the excitement of the moment, our eager bodies met in a tight bear hug. I rested my muzzle against his broad shoulders. I nuzzled the warm Rottie a bit, feeling my body practically sink into his strong frame. Daren began his low purr-like rumble, to which I let out a purr of my own. It felt nice... right... mmm...

For the first time in forever, I wasn't preoccupied with saving face through some dumb heterosexual charade. Heck, 'gay' was encouraged here, and anyway homophobic asswipes like Sean definitely wouldn't be here so I was free to be gay as a magician! Only... I spent so long acting straight it was basically in my bones at this point. How to proceed?

"So..." I elongated, rocking back and forth with the big mound of muscle in front of me. "Whaddaya wannado now?" I asked, fingering one of the Rottie's adorable floppy ears.

"Hmm" Daren began, right around when the ambling softcore rap song reached its chorus, full of trumpets and a catchy chorus that went 'you're moonlight I'm a werewolf'.

Daren's beautiful hazel eyes gleamed in excited recognition. For a moment, he lolled out his tongue his left ear raising. Ending the hug, Daren threaded his fingers though mine and started waving our combined paws in excited little circles. "Let's fuckindance!"

I hesitated in my reply for a moment, remembering how awful dancing with Francesca was, and how uncoordinated and or drunk I apparently was. But then I looked into those eager hazel eyes and knew... I might dance like I had disproportioned webbed feet, but if it meant I could see this beautiful creature in front of me happy, then it was worth it. "Let's do it!" I declared. With that, we grinned at each other as Daren began pulling me toward the dance floor, drunkenly snarking and giggling as we nearly stumbled on the way.

And that's the story of how I, a hopeless closet case jock/nerd hybrid, completed my quest to slay the pink avatar of heterosexuality and classiness, earning myself the best dance of my life, to the best song of my life, with the best man in my life...