FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Kyle hadn't slept so well in ages. Going to bed as he was, pressed against the heat of his father, his nostrils full of prime boomer scent, Kyle would have expected to have one hell of a sex dream. But, as slept drifted away, the fog thinning until he became aware of the bed around him, he couldn't remember what he had dreamed. It was pleasant, but he didn't think it was sexual. He just felt content, safe, happy. The stresses of life taking a back seat for once.

That didn't keep him from waking morning wood, though.

Kyle was quickly distracted from his engorged length, though.

Kyle also hadn't woken up pressed against the heat and power of his father.

That absence really woke Kyle up. His eyes opened, looking up at the ceiling. He had managed to work to his back in his sleep. He had also managed to tangle his legs up in sheets at the same time.

The room wasn't bright. Not morning bright. Kyle wasn't sure if the dim lighting meant he was up too early, or if the curtains of the hotel were blackout curtains.

Kyle lifted a paw from the blankets and sheet to rub at his once-again shut eyes. His paw brought with it a poignant waft of last night's activities. His shaft pushed, straining at his boxer briefs, giving a little jolt of pleasure.

Last night had really happened.

Kyle glanced to the side, eyeing where his father had been the night before. The bed was bare. Not surprising, given the bed was small enough there was little chance Rupert could be in it and not be pressed against Kyle.

A little push lifted Kyle to sit in the bed. He yawned, helping clear the remnants of sleep from his brain, bringing him focus. He glanced around the room and found Rupert at the small, round motel table. He had sat in one of the too-small chairs, his elbows pressed to the table, his head cradled between his hands.

The sight was confusing at first. The large boomer resting on the table wasn't moving. Kyle thought Rupert might have gotten up in the night and fallen asleep sitting. It was an odd position for it, though, and Rupert probably would have face planted if he had fallen asleep there.

Then Rupert took in a breath. Slow, deep, letting it out in a barely audible sigh. His ears dipped back against his head, resting there. As Kyle stared, he realized his father was ... something not good. He couldn't imagine Rupert crying. His father was way too strong for that.

"Dad?" Kyle asked, his voice so small and timid. He could see Rupert's ears perk up. The large form lifted, turning to look back to him.

Rupert wasn't crying. Not like Kyle had, last night. But his face fur was moist, his eyes looking wet. He had cried at some point. And Rupert looked ... tired. Older than he had ever looked to Kyle.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Kyle squeaked out, a panic filling him. It wasn't like anything he had known before. Not even like last night's fear. A stabbing coldness in his gut, numbing, tingling, spreading up to his chest and out to his limbs. He tried to swing his legs off the bed, finding them stuck among the sheets. Kyle grunted, shoving at them and kicking his legs, only worsening the tangle.

"Calm down! I'm fine!" Rupert's deep voice rumbled, making Kyle pause. Rupert was smiling, watching Kyle's struggle with the bed sheets. "I'm just... Thinking. Couldn't sleep." Rupert quickly followed, trying to change the topic, "You're up early. It's a bound past five."

Kyle stopped struggling, looking to the clock. Indeed, it read 5:23. The dim light due to the how early Kyle had awoken. He didn't feel tired, though. He felt better rested than he had in a good while.

Kyle looked back to Rupert and gave a little nod. "I guess... I don't know. Just not tired. Feeling great." Kyle mumbled, pushing with his legs and hands. With his panic gone, he competently untangled himself. Kyle finally turned and hung his legs off, sitting on the side of the bed.

Silence dragged on as both sat there, Kyle eyeing his father questioningly, Rupert stonewalling him in return.

"... So what's up? You look... Upset." Kyle probed again, scooting further off the edge of the bed. He finally stood, moving over to the chair opposite Rupert; taking a seat to face his father. It was scary, intimidating, in a way. Facing his creator, facing what he- they- had done last night. Just hours ago. Kyle felt his throat choking up to speak, but he forced himself to sit there, to meet his father's eyes.

Kyle would not lie to his dad any more. He reminded himself. And again.

Rupert shouldn't lie to him either, Kyle reasoned.

"..." Rupert opened his mouth to speak, but it closed without sound. His head sunk down, resting in his paws again. His dark brown eyes once again gazing at the table. "... We shouldn't have done that last night. I... I shouldn't have even considered it. I should have known better... Should have _been_better." He puffed after, ears tucking down.

"... I failed you as a dad." Rupert added, pain clear in his voice. A pathetic, defeated epilogue to his response.

Kyle was struck silent. Confused at the statement. Feeling that prick of cold filling his gut again. His own ears laid back. He felt like he'd been socked in the gut, all the air leaving him.

Rupert's eyes glanced up, meeting Kyle's defeated gaze. They closed, Rupert's head dipping back to the table again.

The silence continued. Kyle unsure what to say. What to do. He thought they had discussed it, cleared it, made everything okay last night. But now... Now Rupert was so upset. So sad. So struck by remorse. It was shocking, in a way. But shocking quickly turned to upsetting.

Kyle felt his teeth grinding. He huffed.

"You didn't fail me... You did just what I wanted. You like... made a dream come true. You didn't hurt me or anything. I just had an awesome time, and got great sleep after, and... And like, I think it kind of like, let loose some stress or something." Kyle rambled, trying to articulate the feelings no words inside him could.

Rupert didn't move. His eyes remained closed, his head remained droop, his ears remained back. Silence stretched once more. It was early in the morning, the light dim, the slowness just seemed... appropriate. Kyle's heat and anger tempered by the softness of the environment, the coziness of sleep-warmth still swathing him.

To the luck of both, that softness and warmth gave both time to process.

"It's... Just... You don't give a joey everything they want. They don't always know what's good for them, what will help them be a better joey. I don't think what we did last night was..." Rupert paused for the briefest of moments, then lifted his head to meet Kyle's eyes. "I don't think what I did last night was what would make you better." He finished, his words dull and flat.

Kyle looked down this time. It was hard to see Rupert's eyes, so full of fear and pain. He could see the poor boomer hadn't slept much, if at all, that night. But at the same time, he felt such spite for those words. To be told he hadn't turned out right. To be told he wasn't good enough. That his desires were wrong. Even the softness of the morning couldn't tame it.

"What's the difference?" Kyle growled as he sat up, his hands landing on the table. "I could've hooked up with any boomer out there on Frottr. I could go hook up with some hot older boomer at a gay club. What's the difference? You're safe, you won't hurt me, I won't get some STI from you. Why isn't that the best for me? Why doesn't that make me better?"

Rupert didn't even understand everything Kyle had said. At least, not what Frottr was. But the general idea clicked. Why was Rupert worse than some one-night stand? That was a difficult thought for Rupert to take in. That his son might be hooking up with random men to satisfy lust and physical pleasure, at the risk of his own well-being. But not the most difficult thought.

Why was Rupert doing things with his son worse than his son doing things with strangers, doing dangerous things?

The worst part of it all was that Rupert had no clue. He had no idea of why it was worse for him to ... Do things with Kyle than some disease-risking stranger. Even if STDs were so rare, a random hookup versus his safe father... and what if the random person had been violent.

"It's... It's because I'm your DAD Kyle. I'm not supposed to do that!" Rupert chuffed louder than he meant to.

Silence stretched on. And on. The two just staring into each other's eyes, glaring at the other boomer, ears erect and fur fluffing in aggression.

"Fuck that, you haven't even been my dad for half my life!" Kyle barked in anger. "You don't get to say that!"

Nothing. For a moment, the world was still, the two kangaroo's hearts were pounding, pumping heat and adrenaline and anger through their bodies. It hit both of them at the same time. Their ears drooping, shock sinking deep, a sick filling in each of their guts.

"... Dad, I didn't" Kyle was cut off. Rupert had lifted his hand, quieting his son.

Rupert pushed the chair back, standing up. It was slow, controlled, precise.

"I'm going to go get a few miles in. I'll be back in time to grab us breakfast. And your candy coffee." Rupert chuffed, each word controlled, precise, barely hiding the emotions behind them. Rupert made his way to his small overnight bag. He pulled on yesterday's shirt, then a pair of athletic pants he had packed.

Rupert sat on the bed, pulling on socks and running shoes.

Kyle could respond.

Kyle should respond.

But he was paralyzed beneath the weight of what he had just done.

His brain screamed to do something, anything, to fix it.

"Dad, I'm so-" Kyle was cut off again. A simple glance from his father chilled him to the bone. Not an angry glance. Not a hateful glance. Not rage, or disgust.

Rupert's large, dark brown eyes were full of pain. Pain like Kyle had never seen.

Rupert finished tightening up the long crossing laces along his huge foot, up to his ankle, and tied each shoe.

"I'll be back soon." He chuffed, not looking to Kyle as he made his way to the door.

Kyle's brain kept screaming. Telling Kyle to stop Rupert as he opened the door. To call his father back, as the older boomer stepped out of the room. To squeak a plea as the door swung shut. To beg for Rupert to stay.

He didn't manage any of them, paralyzed in hate for his own actions. Stuck as stone with shock from the vitriol he had spewed.

Kyle barely made it to the window, pushing curtains open in time to see Rupert bound a long leap out of sight. Rupert running in the way he had told his son never to, a full bounding run spanning a huge distance with every hop. A proper run for a kangaroo, one too fast for most any other species to keep up with. The way a guilty kangaroo ran. The way a criminal ran, Rupert had always said.

***

Kyle sat in the chair, watching out the window. The blinds were open, so Kyle could see the entryways to the parking lot. He sat there for what felt far too long. His brain wouldn't shut up, running circles of how Rupert would be in danger, of what awful things could happen, how he had just ruined his chance to ever get close to his father again. All because he had been a horny idiot.

Kyle reminisced on how Rupert had been a fitness nut. The large boomer going off for runs, lifting weights, practicing in the garage with his various exercise and boxing equipment. Some of Kyle's earliest memories were bouncing along in a faux pouch adorning Rupert's belly, a guest- or extra weight- for those regular runs.

Then Kyle was old enough to join Rupert. Looking up to his much larger father, bouncing fast as he could, doing a lap or two around the block.

Then Kyle was bigger, and he could hop faster. If he went fast as he could, he'd pass his father, a few inches each bound. Rupert would call him back every time Kyle got too many hops ahead, making the younger roo hop slower until he caught up. Only for Kyle to hop hard as he could again, getting to the limit only to be called back again.

Then Kyle got the talk.

About how fast kangaroos could be, but how it wasn't safe to be. Life was too unpredictable to hop so fast. Who knew when someone would come around a corner, exit an ally, or a car would pull out too fast. Kangaroo's blessed speed was too dangerous in a world that was so chaotic.

But Kyle struggled to understand those concepts. That the world was a dangerous place, to feel fear or caution. A burden his youth had not yet bestowed upon him.

Then Kyle got the real talk.

There was the suspicion. Why would a kangaroo go so fast, when they had nothing to run from? Why would a kangaroo blaze down the road unless they were fleeing?

That really struck home for Kyle. Not the dangers of vehicles. The danger of bad people.

Besides, Rupert had always said, bounding was too easy. Those short hops, those rapid pumps of thigh and calf, were a far better workout. Any roo could coast bounding for ages, but it took strength and endurance to short hop for miles.

Rupert had bound out of that parking lot at full speed. The way he had told Kyle never to.

At least Kyle was making himself useful. He was watching the truck, making sure no one came by to peek at its contents, or to tug at the netting and ropes holding it all secure. Or so he told himself. But Kyle knew it was an excuse. He was watching the entry to the parking lot, watching for his dad to return. It was killing him inside, not knowing if his dad might be hit by a vehicle, or gotten into trouble, or police saw him bounding and...

It kept flying around and around in Kyle's head. Faster and faster. He had never known worry like that before. Obsessive worry that something awful would happen.

That something awful would happen that he was responsible for.

A little after six Kyle spotted his father hopping back into the parking lot. His hops were shorter and shorter, until he was walking again. Rupert was panting, sweaty, pacing a few times across the parking lot. Once Rupert had caught his breath, he walked to the reception lobby, out of sight.

Kyle's relief was overwhelming. He slumped back in the chair, his head tilted up and back. It wasn't comfortable, the chair hard and the seat cushion thin. But the relief that allowed each muscle in his body to release... it was something else, for sure.

After Kyle knew Rupert was safe, he left the chair and went to flop back on the bed. He stared back at the ceiling, just as he was when he woke up. It had only been twelve hours, at most. And Kyle had experienced so many different emotions, such different sensations, so many things so alien to his experience. From horny to terrified to horny again. To indulging one of his most taboo desires. To have the best sleep he had known in ages. Then to destroy his dad's... life? Mind? To make his dad no longer love him? The possibilities swirled around Kyle's brain, faster and faster, louder and louder, building to a cacophony of anxiety.

Then the door lock clicked, breaking the cycle. The handle turned with a loud 'clack'.

Kyle bolted up, sitting on the bed again. There was a brief pause before the door opened just an inch. Kyle waited on bated breath. Finally, he watched as Rupert entered the room, pushing the door open with his tail, carrying a large bag under one arm and a tray with four coffee cups in his other paw.

A blessing to be a macropod. Rupert's tail holding the door in place, stationary as its bearer moved into the room. The tail finally leaving the door and letting it shut on its own, while Rupert carried the bag and tray to the small table.

"Dad, I'm sorry." Kyle chuffed, once Rupert was fully in the room, the door shut, and the older boomer placing breakfast on the table.

"That's enough. I have" Rupert started, only to be cut off.

"No dad, I was... that was so fucked up, I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry. I just..."

A glance silenced Kyle. Rupert wasn't angry. He wasn't crying. But it had such an immense impact on Kyle. The gaze had such weight in it, an immense amount of knowledge, history, of sorrow and love.

"We have a lot to talk about." Rupert chuffed, pulling the seat from the table, sitting down. He lifted the coffees, setting two on each side of the table. Rupert looked to Kyle, then continued. He lifted the bag, setting it on the floor. He pulled the contents from it, setting items piece-by-piece on the table. A couple more glances at Kyle got the younger kangaroo moving, joining his father at the table.

The breakfast was impressive for how simple the hotel seemed. Various pastries, fruits, and nut-based items were spread on the table, along with the four coffees. Several of the items stacked in duplicate or more. The serving sizes certainly intended for herbivores smaller than Rupert and Kyle.

"You weren't wrong, Kyle. I haven't been the best dad." Rupert lifted a paw, cutting off any response with the gesture. "But... I don't think you're aware of everything, either. And I think it's time we talk about that."

Kyle stared at Rupert, pausing with his hand on the back of the chair. He nodded absently, pulling the chair out, sliding down in it to sit across from Rupert once more.

Their eyes met. Rupert gave a half-smile, one of his shoe-shod feet brushing against Kyle's bare one. Rupert's feet rest outside Kyle's, framing the smaller roo's legs between Rupert's own.

It flustered Kyle. Totally losing track of his worry, upset, fear. Kyle actually blushed, looking down to the table and laying his ears back. Trying to hide the reddening visible inside of them.

Rupert eyeing Kyle curiously, giving a gruff chuckle after.

"Goodness. You're rather... sensitive at the moment, huh? I suppose that's fair..." Rupert trailed off, shrugging. He lifted a coffee, taking a drink before he continued. The short break gave Kyle barely enough time to regain composure and meet his father's eyes again.

"So uh..." Rupert continued, while he fiddled to open one of the fruit Danish he had nabbed. The package ripped, the pastry tumbling out, onto the table. "Has Nicole... your mother ever told you about a sibling?" Rupert asked, bringing up the pastry and taking a bite.

Kyle's eyebrows furrowed, "You mean like... Margret and the twins?". Kyle's only thought defaulting to his jaguar step-siblings.

Rupert shook his head as he chewed, swallowing. He licked his lips, toying with a napkin. His eyes down at the items on the table, rather than his son.

"In the divorce, Nicole and I sort of agreed to... not discuss some things. We wanted to protect you, I guess. Nicole wanted to protect you. She really... really pushed for it. But you're an adult now." He shrugged, looking up. "Nicole can't keep you from talking to me, or..." he paused, waving his paw that wasn't holding the pastry. "Not the point. I think it's important that you know some things."

Rupert took a deep breath, sitting back in the chair. Kyle stared all too intently, not touching any of the food or his coffee. He didn't want to rush Rupert, but at the same time, he was dying to know.

"Your mother and I decided you should have a younger sibling. But, it just... wasn't happening. Hell, took us forever to have you. I think it's Nicole... This doesn't matter, alright? But Nicole only has one sister. Your aunt Cindy, she and Ryan never had joeys. From what I've heard, they tried, but... never happened. She told me once she thought it was because they have some Eastern Gray way back, not straight up Red, but..." Rupert caught Kyle's increasingly confused expression.

Rupert sighed and shook his head. "Sorry, that's not the point, point is, we wanted to have more than one joey. We pretty much gave up, but when you were nine... it just... happened. A little sister. Er..." Rupert rubbed behind his ear, taking and releasing a slow breath. "Your mother got pregnant, at least. We were getting ready to tell you, but then... we lost her."

Rupert was still staring at the table. He toyed with the half-eaten pastry between two hands, picking at it with a claw. "Your mother miscarried, which... isn't too rare for us kangaroos. Never count on a joey until they're a month in the pouch, they say." Silence dragged on for a short while, before Rupert collected him enough to add, "She didn't make it to the pouch, even.". Rupert's voice audibly quavering as he fought back his emotions.

Kyle stared, frozen. He didn't know what to think. It seemed so unimportant, at first, but the weight that his father gave it, with each word, impressed upon him. Even if it wasn't rare, it was clearly important.

Rupert looked up to Kyle, his eyes wet again. Rupert took another slow breath, struggling to continue.

"That's ... that's what wasn't great. That's what broke us. Nicole and I loved one another, but Nicole took the loss... so hard. She blamed herself. Saying it had to be her fault in some way, the same reason it was so hard to have a joey, no matter how we tried. She started to think it was because she had stopped going to church, wasn't doing good by god, and... well, things got worse from there."

Rupert lifted up the half-destroyed pastry, finishing the rest in a single bite. Rupert glanced up to Kyle again while he chewed, finding his son looking confused. Kyle sat forward, over the table. His elbows rest on it, Kyle resting his head in his paws.

"Wait, so... that's why you kicked mom? Because a miscarriage?" Kyle asked, brow furrowed.

Rupert nearly choked as he swallowed. He coughed a little before he succeeded in getting it down, following up with some coffee. He cleared his throat, shaking his head no.

"That's... that's skipping a lot. You were nine when ... the miscarriage happened. Things just... got worse, and worse, for a couple of years. That was... that was when you were twelve? A lot led up to that. A lot that's not important..." Rupert trailed off again, paws resting on the table, his thumb claws teasing at each other.

Kyle sat back, guilt at the accusation sinking in. But, at the same time, the younger kangaroo was only becoming more confused and curious.

"So... why did that happen? Mom refused to talk about it, ever, she just said... that's why she took me to live with Paul. Why I didn't get to see you much the first couple years."

Rupert's hands fully clasped together, the large kangaroo suddenly feeling so small. His gaze dropped lower and lower, until he was staring at the empty pastry wrapper on the table. He rested there a few moments, taking a few breaths. Dredging up the memory of a lost child was painful, and the question only added to it.

"Things were... bad. Really bad. At that point, Nicole was... pretty much with Paul. I was told they weren't intimate or anything, but she wanted to leave you and me and be a part of Paul's family. We were arguing..." Rupert's gaze lifted to Kyle, staring at his son eye-to-eye for a moment. To Kyle's surprise, Rupert chuckled. "What's that movie?... Do you know how I got these scars?" Rupert asked, pointing to his muzzle.

Kyle was dumbfounded. The detour in conversation threw him. He was struggling to make sense of the question, but just gave the most obvious answer he could think of.

"Boxing?"

Rupert chuckled again, shaking his head. "Nope... not boxing. Scariest fighter I ever met, though." Rupert was grinning a cheeky way, though it soon fell to a frown. Rupert relaxed back and shook his head. "So... that night. Wait." He shook his head again, sighing. "Okay, Kyle. I'm telling you this from my point of view, my memories... and I want you to know your mother's a good person. Nicole and I didn't do right by each other, but... she's a good woman, and a good mother."

Kyle drooped, grunting dismissively. He clearly held a far different view of Nicole than his father.

"So... After... that... Nicole and I drifted apart. I... I don't know. I can't say what she thought, right? But we weren't... intimate... again. She didn't even want to think about having another kid. I kind of think she was scared of losing another joey, but I can't say that for sure. She got angry that I wasn't repentant, and wouldn't go to church with her. I'm never going back there after the shit I went through growing up..." there was a moment of darkness in Rupert's eyes. "... We just pushed each other further and further away. Your mom got close with Paul. That was fine, I didn't care anymore. But then... that night."

Rupert went silent. His paw lifted, rubbing at his muzzle scars, then covered his eyes. He leaned back, lifting the chair to rest his weight back on his tail that pressed to the floor.

"Sorry, this... ain't easy for me. That night was just... bad. Nicole loves you." Rupert sat back up proper, arms resting on the table. "I don't want to hear you ever say anything different. Your mother loves you, Kyle. But both of us were just... broken at that point." Rupert paused, expecting Kyle to argue the point. But the younger boomer just sat, listening intently, eager to learn his own history that had been withheld so long.

"... That night your mother told me she wanted to be with Paul for good. It makes sense to me now. Different species, no chance of a joey... a few kids in need of a mother... real church types. So she didn't want to be with me anymore. Which... It hurt, but whatever. But then she told me she wanted to leave you with me."

Kyle's muzzle fell open an inch, his eyes widening. Rupert quickly put up a paw to silence his son, shaking his head.

"Don't... don't think anything like that. She was in a very bad place, and we were already arguing a bit. But... that's what she thought would be best. From when we talked after that night... she didn't think you'd want to be raised by predators, that a boy should have his father..." Rupert's hand drifted to the table. He folded his arms, leaning back in his chair again. "So... when she told me that... God, I can't believe myself sometimes. So I told her... she already lost one joey... I wouldn't let her give up the other."

Rupert shook his head again. His eyes unfocused, gazing to a far off place, a far off time. Kyle just stared at his father, a lump stuck in his throat. No matter what Rupert said, to Kyle, his mother hadn't wanted him. Had wanted to abandon him. Had wanted to leave him with Rupert, even! Kyle's brain fast-forwarding through how he could have avoided so much turmoil, such awful times, changing schools. All the church shit. The twins.

"She loves you, Kyle. Your mom wouldn't have ever done it." Rupert rumbled, his deep voice bringing Kyle back to the present.

"And I knew it at the time. She did too, I imagine. She just ... just needed some space. From me, really. Can't heal when you keep getting hit, they told me in therapy. And I said that ... awful thing to hurt her. I knew what I was doing. So..." He waved his paw a little, looking out the window, to the truck. He had to look away, knowing what damage his actions had led to. Rupert wiped at his eyes, then his cheek fur, before he turned back.

"It... It set Nicole off." Rupert grunted a forced chuckle. "Nicole... that woman is vicious. I always said predators were lucky she was born these days... in the past, she'd have a throne of their corpses. Boy, I was right... I've never seen a flyer, hell, even a boomer, get that ... vicious, I can't think of any other way to say it. She was on me and attacking with everything she could. Sure, I'm stronger, but..." he lifted a paw, pointing to his muzzle. "I couldn't do anything to stop her. And she got me, a lot... then she went for my eyes with her claws."

Rupert's paw dropped to his lap. His gaze on Kyle, but he wasn't seeing Kyle. He was far away in the past. Rupert swallowed, closing his eyes.

"I wish I'd let her. But... It was a reflex. Push come to shove... us macropods defend ourselves. I was on my tail and kicked her before I even knew what I was doing." Rupert's paw lifted, rubbing along his scarred muzzle, up along the top, rubbing at his leaking eyes. "When she hit that wall... I swear... something in me died. I've never, ever felt a pain like that before or since. Nicole was ... conscious, but... it was iffy. I called the ambulance and cops, and she gave me Paul's number... I called him to come take care of you that night."

Rupert wiped at his muzzle and eyes again, finally opening them to look at Kyle. The younger kangaroo was clearly overwhelmed by the vast information he had just learned. Atop that, the entire history of his parents, the divorce, all of it was nothing like he had ever assumed. His entire history had been a lie of omission.

"Uhm... so. Why I wanted you to know all this." Rupert sat up and pulled his phone from his pocket. He tapped at the screen, talking while he navigated. "I had to go to therapy for a couple years... court mandated. It helped, for sure... but I think that night... that's what changed everything. For Nicole and me. I didn't get jail time... mostly because it was clearly..." tap tap, scroll. "clearly self-defense in part."

Rupert held his phone out to Kyle. Kyle didn't respond, at first. Still just staring, still reeling from everything he had learned. He finally reached out, taking the phone. When he turned it around, to view the screen, it was some kangaroo. Then recognition sunk in. It was his father. His father's mugshot. In the photos, Rupert's muzzle was a bloody mess, one eye blackened, scratches over his eye... where Nicole had nearly destroyed that eye. Kyle glanced to Rupert, to his eyebrow. Kyle had never noticed that the fur had just the faintest creases there, near-invisible scars, hidden under fur. Then back down to the photo.

"Therapy said it's good to keep it on me, so I can look back at it if I'm ever getting angry. Works, I suppose. But... Like I said, your mother is vicious. It was clear I was defending myself, even if I kicked her. But... we're marsupials... and I'm the male... it's easy to know who they'd side with, even if the judge just thought both of us were trash. We got our divorce started, and Nicole agreed it was best you went with her... no choice, really. The court wouldn't let me see you for a bit, then a couple years I wasn't able to have any unsupervised visits with you. They said I was reformed after two therapy, and I could have you visit without supervision."

Both of Rupert's paws rest palm-down on the table, tapping his claws at it. He stared at them, puffing a faint sigh. "At that point... Your mom had stopped working to become a full-time mother, yeah?... Your sister... Margret? Needed those surgeries... Paul and Nicole were struggling. Struggling real bad, actually. So..." Rupert looked up to Kyle. His son had composed himself, jaw now longer hanging open, but he was clearly processing it all.

"So... I made as much money as I could, to send to your mom, to make sure you all could afford everything. I didn't want your whole family going to a tiny apartment, or getting light on food... not when my little prey son was living with a bunch of predators..." Rupert gave that wry smile again, which quickly changed to a loving smile, Rupert shrugging his shoulders. "And to get you into college. I didn't want you ending up some angry violent boomer like I did."

For a while, they were both quiet again. Rupert watching Kyle, trying to discern what was going on behind his son's eyes. When Kyle had no form of response, Rupert led the conversation away form that night.

"You know... You crawled to the pouch when I was asleep. Nicole wouldn't let me see you for two months, not until you were ready to come out... Don't know how much of your pouch time you remember. But the first time you peeked out, I was just... amazed. The first time you came out, and I could hold you... My whole world changed. I never knew how... important someone could be, how much I could love someone, until I held you. I'm sorry I wasn't around for half your life... and there's no real excuse. I shouldn't have kicked Nicole. But I've tried to do my best since, even if it wasn't there in person. And I'm sorry Paul had to be your dad, but... he's a pretty great guy. And you turned out great... and that's all I wanted."

Kyle was crying again, quickly reaching full-on sobbing. With Rupert's confession finished, Kyle pushed out of his chair. A single step brought him around the table to hug against Rupert. Rupert turned the chair, cradling Kyle to his front, holding his joey with both arms. He chuffed soft, comforting sounds, stroking up and down Kyle's back, even as tears streamed from his own eyes.

It took Kyle a long time to get himself under control. It was both painful and cathartic to know that he hadn't been abandoned by his father. That it wasn't Rupert's career that took him away. That he hadn't been taken away at all; Rupert had always been there, watching over him, helping behind the scenes. And Kyle never had a clue.

Eventually, once the coffee had become lukewarm at best, Kyle had recovered. Processed everything he had learned, everything that he had learned wasn't true, enough to function. And, more than anything, recovered from inflicting such a wound upon Rupert in his ignorance. A veil had been removed, letting him see so much of his past in a different light. Showing how many mistakes he had made, how many assumptions had been wrong. Some, surely, the fault of his mother... but plenty of his own as well.

In a way, he knew this wasn't it. Kyle knew the next few months, if not a couple years, would involve reexamining his life with a new lens. How privileged his life had been, care of his father acting as guardian angel. Despite how much had been shared, how much Kyle had just learned, there was still more to talk of. And now the sun had risen, the curtains glowing a dull orange red, spare the one window Kyle had opened. They still had to move Kyle in, and Rupert had to get home that day.

With Kyle back in his own seat, they got to decimating the feast of continental breakfast Rupert had brought back to the room, as well the coffee. Much to Kyle's amusement, Rupert's second cup of coffee nearly had the older boomer spray coffee over the floor. In the shuffle between the hotel's reception area and room the coffee tray had gotten turned. Leading to one of Kyle's candy-sweet coffees ending up on Rupert's side of the table.

"Come on, it can't be that gross." Kyle teased, trading the two misplaced coffees.

"Says you. It's like... why even have coffee in there, it just tastes like sugar and cream." Rupert chuffed, wiping his muzzle with a napkin.

"Because caffeine! Blessed caffeine. Couldn't do finals without it." Kyle quipped, chuffing and giving an overly large smile to Rupert.

Rupert shook his head, grabbing one of the remaining apples and taking a large bite out of it. He chuffed while chewing, "So long as you're not doing those crazy energy drinks. I heard they're hell on your heart and health."

Kyle almost made a snarky response, but stopped himself. He looked back to the table, the few items left on it, and the two half-empty coffee cups remaining. Soon, they would head out, the final few bounds to the college.

He couldn't leave things where they were.

"Dad..." he started, looking up from the coffee cups. Rupert was nibbling the last bits off the apple core, looking up curiously. Kyle swallowed, folding his paws together on the table. "What... Last night. That... that wasn't wrong. You're not a bad father. You're like... probably the best dad ever. Like... I didn't know how much what I did would like... hurt you. I didn't think about it. I'm so sorry, I really don't want to like..."

Rupert set aside the apple core and reached his paw out, resting it atop Kyle's. Kyle went quiet, looking up from the coffee cups.

"I ... think I know, Kyle. I thought a lot on the run, and ... I probably don't actually know. I'm smart as a sandbag, and I'm so glad you got your mom's brains. I can't say I don't feel... off about it. But I'm glad I could be ... around... instead of some random guy." Rupert chuffed, soft and subdued. He added a shrug, grabbing one of the remaining muffins with his free paw and nibbling on it.

Kyle's heart fluttered when his father's huge, hot paw engulfed his own. Something about the heat, the strength, the roughness was so comforting. It wasn't the soft hold of a pouch, but it was just as familiar and comforting. At the same time... it was arousing and intimate, in equal measure.

"I... Dad, it's not just that." Kyle chuffed, while spreading his paws. They closed back in, holding Rupert's single paw with both his own. Kyle took a slow breath, and shrugged. "I don't... even know how to explain it. Like..." He had to look away, looking to their hands, instead of meeting his father's gaze. "You weren't just... replacing some random guy. I wouldn't have done that really. I'm just ... really hot on you. It's like... not right, probably? I've felt... so... so bad and broken and just... wrong for so long 'cause of it." Kyle shrugged, squeezing Rupert's paw between his own. He looked up, making eye contact with the uncertain older roo.

"I feel better than I have like... Ever? Since you and mom split, I guess. Just like... I'm so glad we got to connect, and talk, and... like... do stuff... but it's just... SUCH a relief to know all this... to talk to you... to like... connect again."

Rupert set aside the muffin, reaching forward to cup one of Kyle's paws between his own. A vague smile spread across his muzzle, shrugging in return to his son.

"I'm really glad that we did too. I... I'm glad you're not putting yourself in danger, and if I can help with that, I don't know why I wouldn't. It's not like... I'm taking advantage of a joey, or... could have a joey with you or anything, right?"

Kyle was caught off guard by his father's thoughts. He had expected the opposite, that Rupert would find more reasons that they had done was wrong. But not this. Not Rupert's remorseful acquiescence to Kyle's desires. It was painful, to think of it that way. After so many years of Rupert's suffering, working himself raw for his son, that he would suffer yet another burden for Kyle.

"... Dad... Did you enjoy last night?"

The question caught Rupert off-guard. The older boomer's paws tensed. He chuffed, looking down to their clasped paws. After a moment, he looked away, over to the truck, out of the window.

"I... feel disgusting saying it. I enj... It felt great, yeah. I mean, sex always feels great, right? But... I felt so... wrong too."

Kyle chuffed and laid his ears back. His paws squeezed around Rupert's, his claws barely digging in, drawing Rupert's look back to him.

"Why did it feel wrong?" He asked, demanded, from his father. Desperate to alleviate both their guilt. To free them from the taboo of their acts.

"Because... You're my son. And I get why it isn't what I'd regularly think of. We can't have a cub together, and you're an adult now, you're not some joey I'm taking advantage of." Rupert repeated, as though he had to reassure himself of the facts. "But... I'm still older. I'm in a position of power over you. I'm still your dad." He chuffed, then chattered something Kyle couldn't understand.

"Yeah... You're older. You're my dad." Kyle agreed, his paws squeezing around Rupert's. "But... I don't think you're like... a boss taking advantage of their secretary. Hell, I'm pretty sure it's the opposite, me forcing you into stuff 'cause you'd do anything for your joey."

Rupert perked his ears, eyeing Kyle curiously.

"Seriously. Like... Think about it. You taught me stuff when I was a joey, but like... Since..." Kyle's ears laid flat against his skull. "... That night. You've just been... an awesome, nice dad I visit now and then. Paul was more the authority and rule guy, even if he's a limp dick around mom." Kyle laughed briefly, "And... it's my fantasy." He looked up from their hands, meeting Rupert's eyes again.

"Dad... My fantasy isn't me enjoying your dick. Like... Seriously... I did. I've met a few dicks and yours is the biggest, tastiest, muskiest, best dick I've ever met." It was Rupert's turn to have his ears fall back, his eyes widen. A mix of shock, embarrassment, and- to Rupert's dismay- a rush of heat to his groin. "My fantasy is... you enjoying what I do. I thought you like... enjoyed it last night. That was what I was into. If you didn't..."

Kyle's words choked as a lump formed in his throat. He swallowed, shivering. The thought of forcing another, non-consensually, into intimacy... let alone his father... Kyle forced a slow breath, swallowing again to try and regain his volubility.

"Thinking that you just... made yourself... and didn't want it at all... it makes me feel sick. Dad... I'm so sorry. All I wanted was to like... make you feel good. That's what I fantasized about. I'm so sorry it was... all of this... all that shit and pain and..."

Rupert chuffed, his paws squeezing around one of Kyle's in turn.

"That's enough. You're getting real close to insulting my joey, and I'm really not in the mood to rearrange your muzzle if you do."

Kyle chuckled, flopping back in his seat. Eyes back on his paws, holding one of his fathers; and his father's, holding one of his.

"I wasn't gonna like... I mean, come on. I've made it rough for you, at best. That's fact, not insulting." Kyle looked up from their paws, pressing his foot paws outward, against his father's. "Dad... I think yesterday was the best day of my life. Like, ever. Even after learning all this... I'm just like... So happy to have ... been with you. Seriously, I think you're the best dad ever."

Rupert chuffed and nodded a little, slipping down his own chair and reclining back.

"If... If you're really sure. Then it's alright." Rupert acquiesced, though his voice remained uncertain.

"... Does that mean it's like... not off limits again? You would ... try it... see if you enjoy it? Not now, but... some time?" Kyle chuffed. His hormones still out of check, like so many college students. He caught himself, just about to withdraw that statement, when Rupert spoke.

"... Yeah. That's okay." Rupert leaned over the table, his free paw reaching forward and prodding Kyle in the chest. "It's okay, so long as you know... I'm an outlet. If you're pent up or you want to make someone feel good... An occasional fun thing, like the random hookup thing you mentioned. But you absolutely cannot think of me as a partner. I love you more than anything, but you've got to find your own mate. Someone to love and live with, to be yours... I can't imagine life never having had Nicole. And I don't want you getting attached to me and never finding yours."

Kyle took it in, thinking it over a moment. He nodded a little, chuffing.

"Okay... that's fair." Kyle chuffed. "I can't say like... The thing is, you're not a random hook up. You're probably the person I love most in the world." Kyle pausing a moment, realizing the words he had just spoken. Something so honest and true, and so emotional; a bridge his father and him had so rarely crossed. "But... yeah. I get what you mean. I'm still looking for a boyfriend."

Rupert nodded, puffing out; shoulders visibly relaxing. He was just about to withdraw his finger poking at Kyle's chest, when Kyle sat forward again, pushing back against Rupert's prodding finger. His paws squeezed around the paw they held again.

"... We both need a shower. Can we shower together?" Kyle asked, squeaking as he forced the question out. His ears laying back, ashamed of his greedy horniness; but it was impossibly hard to pass on the opportunity.