FSE

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My school day ended I felt light as air. What the fuck is going on! I'm never happy nor do I ever feel like nothing bad happened after she died...

-

'Joel sit down in your seat.'

'Mom please can I please have my present now. Please.' I was reaching for the gift in paw print wrapping paper and a pastel blue bow.

'I should have never taken you with me.' She was laughing as she said it.

'You always take me shopping with you. It wouldn't be a shopping trip without me!' I was giggling like a maniac. I stupidly reached for the present again.

'Joel sit back down now. I can take back this toy if you want.' I sat back down immediately. Scared she'd take back the stuffed toy that looked like me. The reason I wanted it was simple. To feel like I had a little brother to take care of my mind broke in three to cope with my mom's death. Now in my splintered little mind I have an seven year old who refuses to see reality inside my head along with an eighteen year old who dwells on the past and has a strong mean streak. Just to protect the other one. I refer to them as Jack the one who refuse reality and Sam the hot-headed protector. My own self is in there too as like a father figure to guide them, a conscience if you will.

'Mommy can I have a big cake at my party.' I asked starting to slowly perk up.

'Sure sweetie I'll make you the biggest strawberry cake I can. I know how you love strawberries.' She knew me in and out.

'Yes!' I said loudly and happily. We came to a stop light. It turned green and as we drove an eighteen wheeler came screeching to a stop but still had to much force. Before it crashed I yelled "mommy" at the top of my lungs and reached for her. I felt more afraid for her than myself it was probably vice-versa for her. The crash made us roll over and we went 4 feet from the crash site. My right arm was all but shattered and my ankle broke and I had a mild concussion. A couple seconds passed and sirens blared, lights flashed. I could hear everything but not see anything. It was like I had a thick but thin veil over my head.

'Get him to the O.R stat!' A very masculine and deep voice yelled. 'It's gonna be okay kid. What's your name?' that low deep voice was comforting in a sense.

I mumbled at first and sounded like I was drugged. 'Mommy told me not to talk to strangers." My head was rolling from side to side lazily.

'It's okay I'm a doctor. I'm here to help. Can you tell me what happened?' that voice was lulling me to sleep.

'Um... my mommy and I got into a car crash.' I was slipping back to sleep.

'Come on kid stay with me.' He snapped his fingers with urgency. 'Tell me about your mom is she nice? Tell me because you have to stay awake.' He kept me talking for a while till we got to some big white room and I fell into a drug induced sleep. I think it was called anesthesia?

-Two and a Half Hours Later-

I was waking up in a hospital my arm and ankle hurt like crazy. My head was throbbing in pain and I felt numb. I saw my father walk in a drunken stupor holding my present still wrapped nice and not burnt at all miraculously. I reached for it and he handed it to me he was showing signs of his normal hangover and had one of his rare moments of clarity. 'Joel...' he began.

"Yes daddy?' I said looking at him with innocent eyes.

'Your mother... Your mother sends her regards. She said she's sorry she can't make you that cake she promised...' he began to whimper which was also rare he never whimpered. He began to sob lightly and noticed I had my gift opened up and holding the stuffed animal. The strong wolf that was my father was crying and it felt odd.

'She's okay right daddy? I mean she's standing next to you smiling.' I guess when a kid loses someone close and their still a bit in tune with paranormal stuff they can see them. I know I did. My dad began to hold me tight and squeezed me like he'd never see me again the next day. 'That kind of hurts daddy.' He mumbled apologies and let go and sniffled and walked out for a bit. Not much else happened after he left I just slept. He kept checking on me every hour. When it was okay for me to leave he never drove quite that much any more. How long did he keep those feelings of love for his son? That feeling of pure love before it got twisted.

-

I awoke with a startle. My body sweating, blood cold, mouth dry, and sobbing salty tears of despair. My dead mother is still with me I see her littler each passing year. I think this is my last year where I'll see her again. I should save up for a bike to go visit her grave.

I take one of my claws out and begin to cut "perfect" into one of my bulky legs. I never let anyone see these cause I have more than this one on me. I have at least ten others on my body. The biggest and nastiest one is on my right arm. Right where the metal is that's keeping it together. It's nice my fur grew back on that spot it'd be hard to hide if it wasn't.

I wonder how much longer before I end up killing myself.