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This Forsaken World

By Mantrid Brizon

Episode Twenty-Three: The Fear

“Who the hell does that bitch think she is..." April grumbles, pacing about the room.

“She's their leader." Grey remarks.

Lying back in bed, his hands resting on his chest and his eyes closed, he can hear her shuffling boots as she stomps around the shack where Mama Fi's guards have led them. Disarmed, locked away and without Augustine, April feels truly vulnerable for the first time since her early teens; even Grey's typically soothing presence doesn't make her feel much better, though it does prevent her from going insane with anxiety.

“I underestimated that old hag. I didn't give her enough credit. She's smarter than I thought, clever even, but for her to do this?!" April rambles.

“She's just covering her bases." The human interjects.

“Augustine's a child; she's not a liability. This is cruel."

“If you were in her shoes, you'd do the exact same thing."

“I wear boots." April retorts.

“Boots, then..." Grey sighs in frustration. “Look, let's not pretend that you wouldn't do this to someone else, if you thought they were full of shit."

Shifting her sapphire eyes toward him, April reflects on herself.

“... Yeah... You're right." She mutters in shame.

Pausing in the middle of the room, April turns her head, watching her lover. She can't deny that her sinister side is gone; it's merely been tamed by her partner. From their end, and with the roles now reversed, April feels the crushing guilt of many of her past misdeeds, but her love for Augustine and fear that something might become of her crush the guilt. Shifting her body to face her boyfriend, her white and black striped, feline tail sways slowly behind her. She steps closer, dragging her sharp, black claws along the wooden footboard as she stands beside the bed. Grey opens his eyes and watches his Voeldahn lover, while the white tigress gazes back with her piercing eyes. Cocking her head slightly, her pigtails sway.

“But still, keeping our daughter like that, like she's some bargaining chip. That's just cold."

“Aw, sugar!" Grey smiles, sitting up in bed.

“What?"

“You called her our daughter."

“Because that's what she is... Isn't she?" April sheepishly asks, with a sweet tone.

“Of course!" He chirps. “It's just nice to hear you say that. I don't think you ever have before."

Walking around the old bed, April's broad hips sway with each graceful step. Her tail swishes through the air as she turns, sitting atop the mattress. Grey shifts, planting his bare feet on the floor. Seated beside him, April glances over at him, her vibrant, blue eyes scanning the human's features. His smile is warm, as it always is. He scoots closer, sliding an arm around her slender waist. With a hand resting on her hip, he pulls her in, drawing her even closer to him. Resting his chin atop her shoulder and turning his eyes up toward hers, their faces are only millimeters apart. Her pink, feline nostrils flare as she breathes in, smelling the subtle musk of his male skin.

She can't help but smile back as their vision locks, her lips curling around the corners of her snout. April's heart skips a beat, an annoyance caused by his touch, but one that she's grown to live with. She looks into the eyes of the man she loves more than herself, while he looks back, staring into the very soul of the woman he would gladly die for. Only young Augustine is more important to either of them. April's smile swiftly fades as her mind returns to thoughts of her captive offspring. Seeing the change in her face and in her eyes, Grey leans in, cocking his head and kissing the side of her snout, near her cheek.

April impulsively reaches up a hand, her clawed fingers brushing his bearded face and pressing him against her. Turning her head, she nuzzles his face with her snout, while he returns the affection with his thin and pointy nose.

“It'll be okay, sugar."

“Why are you so calm, little bear? What do you know that I don't?"

“Trust me; I have it on good authority. Everything's going to be fine. Now, take off those boots, lie back, and let me be the big spoon, beautiful."

Giggling softly, April's smile gradually returns. It graces her face, to Grey's delight. Leaning forward, she loosens and then pulls off her boots, releasing her pawlike feet.

“That's right. Not too fast, baby." He teases.

“Shut up." She laughs.

Moving her boots aside, her toe-claws click on the wooden floorboards. With his arm still around her, Grey pulls her even closer; he drags her toward the middle of the bed as he scoots back. Pressing himself against the half dozen, worn out pillows, he lets out a small, relaxed sigh, swiftly becoming comfortable. Following suit, April joins him and the lovers soon lie back, cuddling with each other. Rolling onto their sides, Grey's arms slip around her slender figure, keeping her close to him. With her back against his chest and her firm buttocks against his pelvis, he kisses her furry cheek. She reaches up with a clawed hand, resting it against his face.

“I love you, little bear." She coos, turning her head to look at him.

“And I love you too, sugar."

Leaning in, the pair share a long, loving kiss.

“Are you sure Augustine will be alright?"

“You and Augustine are all I have in my life; all that matters in the whole world. Without you two..."

Grey pauses. His silence causes April to crane her neck even further, her torso shifting slightly as she focuses on his face. She's taken aback as his eyes well up, his heart breaking from the mere thought. April always knew that Grey cared for her daughter, but now she sees that he loves Augustine as if he'd sired her himself, and raised her for the last twelve years. Most men couldn't do such a thing, even before The Ending.

“I can't live without you two, and I'd never risk her life like that. We have to be strong, and trust that everything will be okay." He finally finishes.

Satisfied, her lips curl into a pleased smile. Leaning in once more, she gives him a tender kiss.

“And I can't live without you, little bear. I know Augustine can't either. I'm sorry. This is just really hard for me... Being vulnerable."

“I know." He whispers, subtly nodding his head.

He leans in, kissing her cheek and nuzzling her. Lying back and becoming comfortable, April and Grey try their best to rest. Meanwhile, Augustine sits on the old couch cushions. Decades old, they've become far too soft to be truly comfortable, but as Buck sits in a chair, a pump-action shotgun in his hands, she knows better than to object.

“You don't gotta watch the little darlin' all night, Buck." Mama Fi speaks from the trailer's kitchenette.

“Jus' keepin' an eye on her, mama."

“She ain't goin' nowhere, and I reckon that gun a' yers is makin' her nervous."

Reluctantly, Buck carefully unloads the shotgun, pocketing the shells and setting it aside.

“I'm watchin' you, girl." Buck grumbles.

“She's right, you know. I may be twelve, but I'm not stupid." Augustine remarks, clearly taking offense.

“That you ain't, child." Mama Fi chuckles. “I could see it in yer face. Ya got yer mama's brains and yer papa's temperament. I definitely appreciate that last part. Makes this all a lot easier."

Mama Fi's arm shakes subtly as she lowers herself, taking a seat in a rocking chair adjacent to the couch. Her clawed fingers, slender and frail looking, even through her graying fur, pull away from the tarnished silver skull that caps her ebony wood cane. Resting the staff across her lap, the old canine Voeldahn slowly begins to rock back and forth in her chair. With narrowed eyes, she flashes a smile at the pre-teen girl. It isn't necessarily a pleasant grin, but it isn't the face of a monster either; Augustine doesn't know what to make of her.

“I do hope ta make ya comfortable tonight. My southern hospitality ain't what it used ta be, but I'ma tryin'!" Mama Fi remarks.

“Why are you being so nice to me?"

“Well, 'cause I'm a nice lady." Mama Fi quips.

Several of her guards chuckle, including her own grandson, Buck.

“If'n I recall correct, mama, but ya had us string up them bandits what came from up the river." A guard says with his notably thick accent.

“And we done shot that caravan after they's traded moldy flour for gator meat." Another remarks.

“And I still remember when ya brought me that torch, mama." Buck interjects with a little smirk.

The guards laugh, looking toward the young girl. Augustine recognizes the looks they give her; she's seen it before from many others like them. They're clearly hoping to rattle her nerves, enjoying what fear they pull from her.

“Funny. I recollect different." Mama Fi replies in a cheerful tone.

“All I recollect is them's a' screamin' away."

“I'm not scared." Augustine says with a stern face and expressionless eyes.

“Ya ought'a be." Buck retorts.

“Nah, it's good that she ain't." Mama Fi grins.

“Mama?"

“Leaders don't scare easy; they can't. If'n they do, their people pick up on it... Ya got that part right, but do you know what makes a great leader, girl?"

“What?"

“Some people think they's need to be feared. Others think they's need to be loved. I met both a' them types, and you know what? They's both full a' horse shit. A great leader gotta be a little a' both. Be kind, but not too kind; be ornery, but not too ornery. Makin' yer people feel cared for, while givin' 'em a healthy fear of ya is what makes great leaders; keeps 'em in line, by their own choosin'. Just don't go rilin' 'em up too much, then they's be fixin' ta gettin' rid a' ya'. It's how I kept all these families together for so long, since The Ending took away the old world." Mama Fi explains.

Augustine sits back in the couch, listening intently. She brings a finger to her lips, turning her sapphire eyes toward her shoes. After a pause, she shifts her gaze back to the old Voeldahn woman, who rocks slowly back and forth in her chair.

“And what would a great leader do if my mom and dad failed to deliver Kane?"

Mama Fi's lips curl around her long snout, peeling away to reveal her tarnished but ever-present teeth. They're still sharp. She turns her eyes away from the girl, looking down at the silver skull that crowns her cane. She swirls the short staff, letting the skull spin beneath her palm. Suddenly grasping the skull tightly in her hand, the ghastly face and hollow sockets point directly as Augustine.

“I reckon that all depends..." Mama Fi says, repeatedly poking her claws into the eye sockets. “Let's hope yer ma and pa do a good job."

After an uncomfortable silence, Mama Fi orders all of the guards to leave, asking only for a single volunteer to sit up all night. With Buck's help, Mama Fi feeds her grandson and guests homemade bread and a stew of gator meat, chicken and various beans. After dinner, Buck walks behind Augustine, who follows the slow pace of Mama Fi. Escorting the girl, Mama Fi leads her to a spare bedroom. The girl raises a brow as Mama Fi unlocks the door. Does she keep many “guests" in her home? Is there one already inside? Mama Fi shifts as she pulls open the door, waving a hand and presenting it to Augustine.

“Sleep well, child. I do hope that ol' bed suits ya." The old woman speaks sweetly. “Oh, and yer gonna need this."

Mama Fi reaches into a nearby closet, just across from the bedroom door. She suddenly presents a small, battery powered lantern. To Augustine's surprise, the batteries have a charge, evident as Mama Fi activates the light and hands it to the girl. Stepping inside, she quickly notices that the only window is boarded up, before realizing how sparse the room is. Aside from a wooden bedframe and ratty, old mattress, only an empty nightstand sits in the room. With a soft thud, Mama Fi closes the bedroom door, locking it behind her. Stepping further inside, Augustine examines the room.

Passing through the short hall, she looks to her left and sees the door to a closet, facing the footboard of the bed. Impulsively grabbing the handle and sliding it open, she gasps, covering her mouth as the blue light of her electric lantern illuminates the nearly skeletonized remains of a human. She steps back, quickly tripping over her own feet and slumping against the footboard. A subtle clicking is heard, emanating from beneath the bed. Moving away from the bed, Augustine slowly and nervously peeks underneath, only to find yet another body.

Also nearly skeletonized, this human corpse has shackles holding its wrists and ankles to the legs of the bedframe. Still wearing tattered clothes, the bodies are so old that they no longer have a foul smell. Augustine's brow furls when she realizes that the belt and pants are opened on the skeleton beneath her bed. Judging from the clothes, it was probably a male, and had the flesh not rotted away, his genitals would be exposed. Rising to her feet, Augustine notes that the bedframe seems to have been modified from something else; the bed sits on a series of two-by-fours that are hand cut, and not very well. They don't fit the frame properly.

Was this originally some kind of perverse torture device? Did Mama Fi, in her younger years, chain these men down and molest them? What kind of person could do something so sick and twisted? The fear melts away, replaced by pity and a bit of anger. Closing the closet door, Augustine whispers an apology to both corpses, before sitting atop the bed. Sitting atop the bed, she scours the darkened room for anything of use to her. A soft glint attracts her attention. It's the remnants of a shelf long since removed, though there is a portion of a broken bracket still affixed to the wall.

With only a modicum of effort, Augustine pries the piece of metal from the old wall, pulling it away with hardly a sound. To her surprise, the broken end is extremely sharp. It would make an excellent improvised weapon. Returning to her bed, she opens the drawer of the nightstand, only to see a solitary paper clip resting in the dust. Taking these only tools, she sits atop the bed and leans back, resting against the headboard. Turning her sapphire eyes toward the door, she doubts that she'll need to fight anyone off during the dead of night, but what if she were to attempt escape?

“No, no. I can't do that." She murmurs to herself. “There's more at stake than just me... Still..." Augustine sighs, holding up the paperclip. “It'd be nice to get out of this awful room."

Stretching out, Augustine lies back, resting her head against a lumpy, old pillow. The entire mattress smells like dust, as if it were made from the dirt outside, and it isn't much more comfortable either. Rolling onto her side, she sets the broken bracket and the battery powered lantern on the nightstand. Holding up the paper clip, she slowly turns it in her fingers, the metal glinting in the artificial light.

“Hmm... I wonder how mom and dad are doing."

Lying in bed together, April sleeps peacefully. Grey, however, murmurs in his sleep, beads of sweat on his forehead and soaking his hair. A sudden jolt awakens April, who first looks toward a window. It's pitch black outside. How long have they been asleep?

“Nnnn... I... I'm sorry..." Grey mumbles.

“Little bear?" She glances over her shoulder.

To her surprise, he's still asleep. His arm, slipped around her waist and tucked beneath her, gives her a little squeeze.

“I'm sorry." He speaks softly.

April has never seen or heard him talk in his sleep before. Being a light sleeper, she often awakens briefly when he shifts, especially if he ever releases her and rolls over. April has occasionally moved to the other side of the bed, just to slither between his arms again.

“Puh-please..." He murmurs.

“Shh. It's okay." April whispers.

She carefully shifts her body, before leaning over and kissing his cheek very softly.

“You're okay, little bear."

Grey shifts, jolting slightly. April strokes his face, using her claws to brush some of his hair from his closed eyes. Watching her beloved, she wonders what he's dreaming about that's bothering him.

“Oh, god! Please! Please, don't!" The woman screams.

“Shut up and take it, bitch!" A man growls.

“Hey, save some for me!" Another callously laughs.

Standing on a road, Grey holds his old Kahr CT9 pistol, the slide locked back as smoke plumes from the barrel and ejection port. At his feet lay three men, killed by his own hand. They'd refused to give them their supplies, though they turned violent when Grey's gang members demanded their sister as well. Reacting, Grey shot them down, his hand trembling as he listens to the poor girl screaming. He brings his hands to his ears, one of them still clutching tightly to his pistol as one of the men grunts from carnal pleasure.

“Hey, Irv! You want some of this? ... Irv?"

A hand taps Grey on his shoulder.

“Huh?! What?!" He jumps and spins around.

“Woah! Relax, Irvine." The Voeldahn grins. “I was just asking if you wanted some of this."

Pointing over his shoulder, Grey sees the young woman on the road, her wrists held down above her head by one of his gang. Meanwhile, the other is poised between her legs, his hands behind her knees and holding them up as he drives his manhood deep into the bunny Voeldahn's unwilling vagina.

“Ahh! Stop! Please, no!" She cries out.

“Shut up, damnit!" The rapist growls.

Tiring of her noise, he stuffs a rag into her mouth, filling her snout with the filthy cloth.

“I mean, you did kill her brothers, Irv. We all thought you'd want the first turn."

“... No." Grey shakes his head, closing his eyes tightly.

“Uh... Why not?"

Shaking his head, Grey retreats from his fellow gang member.

“Don't you like pussy?" The cruel man laughs.

“Fuck off!"

Grey steps back from the horrors of his past. He turns and runs from his misdeeds.

“Where are you going?! I was just fuckin' with you! Don't be a little bitch, man!" The gang member laughs louder.

Sitting behind a tree some distance away, Grey looks at his unloaded pistol. Dropping the gun, this was only the second time he'd murdered anyone. With trembling hands, he covers his ears, blocking out the faded sounds as all three of his crew take their turn. Darkness falls, and they keep the woman, using her again and again. Hearing her pitiful cries during the night, Grey rose from his bedroll. He simply couldn't bear to hear her suffering any longer.

With one of her legs broken, a tactic used by the gang to keep her from running, Grey knows that they can't get far. He's overwhelmed by shame, having not only slain her family, but also failing to do anything to save her. With a shaking hand, he draws his pistol. He hates what his gang has done to her, but how could he turn his weapon on the only people who've ever taken him in? Even the small village he lived near kept him at bay, forcing him to live alone in the forest, but these savage men welcomed him with open, albeit cruel arms. Staring down at the whimpering girl, she turns her eyes toward him, looking right at him as she cries into her gag.

“I'm so sorry." He says as he takes aim.

Bang! With a single, merciful shot to the head, he kills the woman, whose fate he caused. Stepping back from the tree she's bound to, his gang awaken and grab their weapons. At first they're relieved that they aren't being attacked, only to become annoyed that their pet human had just executed their new plaything. Ignoring their taunts and their rage, Grey walks away from the gang. Taking a seat on a large rock near the side of the old road, he holds the pistol, contemplating suicide. Why should he get to live after all that he's done? Bringing the firearm to his head, the barrel is still warm as he presses it to his temple.

“Wait..."

“Wh-who's there?!" Grey calls out.

“Put the weapon down. It is not your time yet."

“Don't fuck with me, Stan. This isn't the time." Grey retorts.

“Irvine..."

“You're not one of them." Grey says, unable to recognize the voice.

“No, I am not."

Grey closes his eyes, dropping his pistol onto the jagged concrete beneath his feet.

“Just leave me alone, whoever you are... I don't want you here."

“I cannot go anywhere else, and I know that you do not wish to be alone."

“What do you know?" Grey scoffs.

“I know you, Irvine. I have known you your whole life. I have witnessed it."

“Then you know that I deserve this." Grey says, picking up his pistol. “So just leave me alone and let me get it over with already."

“You have made mistakes, but you can atone for each and every one. I have a task for you. You can still do much good."

“What?!" Grey snickers. “You've got the wrong guy, whoever you are! I'm just a worthless, fucking killer."

“You underestimate yourself. You all do."

The darkened sky appears to glow, a beam of golden light forming a long, triangular spike. It hangs far in the distance, startling Grey, who watches the strange phenomenon.

“There's more for you, here."

Rising to his feet, Grey stares at the glowing spike.

“Wha-? Who are you?! What's going on?!"

“I pick you, Irvine. Walk, and I will explain."

Looking into the sky with tear filled eyes, Grey takes a step, only to be jolted awake and rescued from his nightmarish past.

“Little bear? Are you alright? You were crying."

“April." He sighs with relief. “Thanks, sugar."

Stretching out and laying on his back, April tucks herself beneath an arm. Resting a hand on his chest, she runs her claws in circles, her lips curled up around her short, feline snout. Setting her chin against his shoulder, she kisses his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder and snuggling into her lover.

“What were you dreaming about, little bear?"

He hesitates to answer, looking at his lover with sorrow in his eyes. April is bothered by his expression, but his silence terrifies her. He's never held back like this before. What could he have been dreaming about?

“Please, little bear. You can tell me anything." She says, softly kissing his neck. “I'm always here for you, baby."

“I know... It's just..." He takes a deep, shivering breath. “I was dreaming about the day I learned that I wasn't a monster."

“You?! Hehe. I can't imagine you as a monster. Did you have six arms?" She teases him.

“... I murdered three men because they startled me, and the gang I was with raped their sister... Over, and over, and over."

April falls silent.

“Eventually, I had to make it stop."

“You let her go?" April asks in a quiet voice.

“I..." Grey turns his eyes toward her. “In a way."

Nodding subtly, April rests her head against his chest once more. She's in no position to judge him, and she knows it. His revelation, however, bonds her to him even more. They share more in common than she'd ever realized.

“I nearly let myself go, too, but then the voice came to me."

“I'm glad it did." She speaks softly, clutching him with her clawed fingers and pulling them tighter together. “I don't know where I'd be without you, little bear."

“Thanks, sugar." He says, rolling over and snuggling with her. “You're the best, April."

After sharing their passion with several kisses, April rolls over, placing her back against his chest. Resting his nose against her fur covered shoulder, he sighs and closes his eyes. Basking in the warmth of his embrace, which once again soothes her like nothing else can, she stares at the darkness on the other side of the faded window glass.

“I wonder when they're going to come and get us?" April thinks aloud.

“Me too." He murmurs.