Cats and Dogs
#4 of Verse and Other Nonsense!
Like cats and dogs, the saying goes,
They do not get along.
And their methods of seduction
Are the topic of this song.
As you scour through this piece
And its oddly foppish voice,
All I ask is at the end
That you tell me of your choice.
Disclaimer - T.E.V. Warning (Contains Troubadourially Erotic Verse)
Cats and Dogs
Vying for your heart's affection
(And some other organs too)
A dashing dog, a clever cat
Both stand in front of you.
Their fur's on end, the tension's high
It's hard to misconstrue,
There is a thing that they both want
Which in this case is you.
"Please don't bother even listening,"
The lynxish cat begins.
"To that foul cur's tasteless whining
as he drones on without end."
" Now wait right there, you foul feline;
You speak but senseless lies.
Just ignore his foolish empty words,"
The noble hound decries.
"Well, you must choose one of us,
And let's be honest here,
I'm the only real option,
So your choice is very clear ."
" Stuff and nonsense," booms the hound.
" Please don't bother with this cat.
He just wants you as a trophy.
I am doubly sure of that.
If you'll have me as your lover
Then I'll be your loyal hound.
You'll be happy wrapped canine arms,
True love finally found."
"Of course he does leave out the fact
That you'll be bored to death,
Stuck in his clutching grasp
Choking on his fetid breath.
If you come with me instead
I offer things you've never seen.
We felines are quite flexible
If you're getting what I mean."
They both stare daggers, pacing now.
You silently consider.
The hound is strong, the cat is quick,
But neither one seems fitter.
" Once the bedroom talk is done
You'll love what's coming last
As I gently slip inside of you,
Swelling tight and fast.
I can make you moan for hours
As we writhe in ecstasy,
My knot pleasing from the inside
As you soon shall see."
"You'll be groaning on for hours
If you go with him, that's true.
You'll want to get away from him,
Which he won't let you do.
Now if you go with me
You will yowling out in bliss.
My spines will tickle your insides
While we passionately kiss."
" Yowling is for certain
If you join in with this one.
A second in, the claws come out
Two seconds in, he's done!
I know you'd rather have a night
With lapping ministrations.
A canine tongue can offer you
A world of new sensations."
"Of course, when it comes to pleasuring
A cat's tongue is the best
For scraping licks to drive you wild
And just the right roughness.
Then as we sleep together,
Your skin against my fur,
Your mind will be at comfort
As you listen to my purr."
" Don't expect much rest with him
Until it's done and later.
Sleeping with a cat's akin
To with a carburetor."
"A dog is just a oafish lout
Who's got more brawn than wit.
Not suitable for one like you,
So fine and delicate."
" Lies and slander!" "Poisoned Words!"
They seem about to fight.
And that would be a travesty,
And so you think you might
Have a solution in your mind
To set this whole thing right . . .
Now which of them will be the man
That you take home tonight?