Ch 1: Riling Up the Beast
Riling Up The Beast
copyright 2010 comidacomida
Anyone who knows me with any amount of familiarity knows that I have near-infinite patience... well... if near-infinite means that it lasts for all up to ten seconds. To be honest, I just don't like being fucked with. Regardless, there are some things that will eat it up faster, and some things that I'm a mature enough Dog to let slide. For some people I lose it immediately, and for others I tend to be more forgiving.
There's one and only one person in this world that I can put up with in almost any situation, and that'd be Jason, my human. That isn't to say that I'll let anything and everything slide, but what it DOES mean is that he gets a little more forgiveness than the average son-of-a-bitch that annoys me. It's safe to say that he's probably the only person on god's green earth that'll survive after pissing me off on purpose... which he does from time to time.
Even though I have Jason pretty well trained, he does have occasional bouts of insanity-- by which I mean he thinks it'd actually be a good idea to push all my wrong buttons. It's just one of those things about him, and I'm generous enough to humor it. On most occasions I let him have his fun, smack him around a bit, and then things get back to normal. On some SPECIAL occasions though, he has a specific goal in mind... and it's usually one I'm content to play along with.
Now, I'm not saying that he pisssed me off on purpose-- well... yea... heh heh... that's exactly what I'm saying. He likes choosing quiet times to start something. He's really good about telling when I'm really bored. When I accuse him of it he always says something like "Well, if I DON'T then you'll go do something you'll regret... so I may as well do something that you won't." Funny thing is, he's usually right. God, I love that human.
Anyway, Jason kinda has a sixth sense about my mood... I guess it comes from living with me long enough. My human is what you call one of those... uh... "in-tune" people... the ones with empathy and all that crap. If you didn't know by now, I'm not. Anyway, he's always been really good about being able to read me and know how I'm feeling, sometimes better than even I know myself. If I had to give an example of one of those occasions, I'd probably say it'd be our second trip to Seattle.
Now, I like the Pacific Northwest just as much as the next Dog, but if there's one thing I HATE, it would be a city of numerous interlocking one-way streets. If you haven't ever been to Seattle, let me describe it for you: it's a big city full of numerous interlocking one-way streets. Got it? Good. Did I mention that Jason was feeling really sick that week so it was up to me to drive? Well, as you can imagine, things went just peachy.
Despite what you might think, I'm actually a really good driver; after a little coercion and some minor threats Jason would also agree. As long as I'm only traveling short distances and there isn't much traffic I'd say I'm one of the best drivers you'll meet. For longer trips and heavy traffic the road rage starts to take over, and my driving skills decrease dramatically. Did you know that Seattle is a really REALLY big city? It is... and it seems like there are always a lot of people on the road. I'll summarize: things were... uh.... interesting.
We got to the hotel with no damage to the car, which I'd say is a testament to my driving skill but Jason continues to declare to this day that it was more the will of god or some other smart ass comment. Either way, I felt it only prudent to voice my opinion of the travel plans, "I can't believe those fucktards would put us on an 8 hour flight and then make us drive all the way across this rain-soaked hellhole."
"Relax, JD." those are his two favorite words whenever I'm making an ass of myself... he uses them a lot. As usual, though, they didn't really do much to get me to stop.
"It's true. If they were gonna make us drive across a city at least they could have chosen one that looks nice. Seattle... ugh... on a GOOD day it looks like it was shitted out by a cloud." Now, to be fair, Seattle really does have some beautiful sites, but when I'm in a bad mood I can be a little critical. No offense to anybody from Seattle; you are a very hardy, lively, rain-soaked bunch.
"It's not that bad." I could tell that Jason was still feeling like shit; he usually put up more of a fight to get me to calm down. I suppose that's probably why I was still going strong on my rant as we entered the lobby.
"Couldn't they have reserved a hotel closer to the airport?" I questioned him.
"This is a nice hotel, and it's close to the convention center." Jason reasoned, before covering his face and sneezing. He shouldn't have been traveling like that, but it's the norm for him; I know too much about his work ethic to try and convince him otherwise.
I wasn't about to be dissuaded in my argument though, "Which means we'll have to travel back across the city to get back to Sea Tac."
"Did someone piss in your kibble this morning?" Jason's comment came out of the blue and it was enough to break my mood's hold on me... at least long enough for me to realize how much I'd been bitching. To be honest, I don't have a problem complaining... hell... I do it all the time. Bitching, on the other paw, is something I do NOT like to do. Most people have a problem telling the difference-- but not me.
I didn't have a chance to answer at that point because we were FINALLY cleared to go up to the room. I checked off on my mental list the fact that they didn't offer to have anyone carry our things. That wasn't at all abnormal since we usually didn't stay at the richest hotels or anything, but when you're in a bad mood you usually look for things to help you stay that way. At times like that I have VERY good senses.
My list was up to about 10 things by the time we got to our room, but whatever they were I don't remember em anymore... probably stupid stuff nobody would care about if they were in a better mood. I was carrying Jason's bags for him because he was still looking like shit. I let my human go first, unlock the door, and enter the room, and I lumbered my way in after him. As expected, Jason went straight to the nearby bed and flopped face-down onto it.
I set down the luggage on the floor inside the door then closed and locked it. Usually Jason is particular about where everything goes, but at that point he was already asleep, face-down on the bed. I hate it when my human feels like shit because I want to help, but when it comes to little microscopic wars going on a bull terrier really doesn't have much influence. That helplessness, of course, only made me feel worse.
I went into the bathroom, knowing full-well that I would be able to add at least one more displeasing fact about the hotel and, as usual, I was not disappointed; there was no hot tub. I know it might not make a lot of sense, but personally, I think any REAL hotel should have hot tubs in its rooms. Call it a touch of insanity, a preconceived prejudice, or even a 'personality quirk generated through logical fallacy' (no, I don't know what it means, but someone I knew called it that once), but whatever it is, I'm not about to change my expectation-- REAL hotels should have hot tubs in the bathrooms.
It wasn't particularly late in the day, but I was in a bad mood and my human was already asleep. I was covered in traveler smell but I really didn't feel up to taking a shower. I was hungry, but, then again, I get hungry when I'm in a bad mood... I really didn't need to eat anything. What I needed was for Jason to feel better. In the end, that made up my mind for me.
I kicked off my shoes, slipped off my cargo shorts, and pulled off my shirt. Jason would be bitching about them laying on the floor in the morning, but, to be honest, my mood would only allow for so much, so I left em there. Jason was still dressed despite already being on the bed, but I knew enough about his habits to know that he'd wake up at some point if he had to sleep in his clothes.
Jason is not particularly light for a human, but, then again, he's not really all that heavy. As gently as I could I went about undressing him. It was easier than usual because he wasn't squirming. Heh... it's funny to think about it, but I think that's one of the few times I took his clothes off for something other than... heh heh... the usual reason. I gently laid him back onto the mattress, but not before pulling the blanket and sheets back. There were two queen beds in our room, just like always. And, like always, one went unused.
I was pretty riled up, and I remember laying there chewing on my tongue in frustration. I'm not sure how long it took me to fall asleep, but the last thing I remember was calming down when Jason rolled against me and embraced my arm with his body. I think I fell asleep pretty quick after that. Heh... he 'sootheth the savage beast'... or however that one movie line by that one guy goes.
Even if I don't remember the exact events leading to me falling asleep, you can sure as hell bet I remember waking up-- Jason was feeling better and he thought it'd be cute to tickle my nose with a feather from the pillows. My mood hadn't really left me during the course of the night, so let's just say that I was not amused. My guess is that he had been doing it for awhile, giggling at my unconscious responses... his laughter, combined with the feather were what woke me. I was not a happy dog.
"How stupid of me..." I snorted, "I mistook you for someone that wanted to live." I growled and rolled over. My human failed to take the hint or, perhaps, in spite of it, decided to continue gambling his life away on my possible response.
Jason climbed up onto me, resting on the small of my back just above my tail. I wasn't about to care; we'd spent enough nights with him falling asleep on me that I could have drifted right back into slumber... if not for the fact that my childish human thought it was the perfect time to start tickling my ribs. Now, before you start saying anything, no-- my ribs are not ticklish. He knows this... but he knows that I know that he won't stop there. There are some parts of me that ARE ticklish... and I know that he knows what they are.
"Don't even." I threatened. Jason slid to the side as he pulled the blankets off of me.
"Not a good idea." I stressed the point. My human slid down to one of my legs, straddling it as he settled his butt into the cleft at the back of my knee.
"There will be vengeance." I promised, and I felt one of his hands tightly grip my ankle, "LOTS of venge---" I won't repeat the sound I know I made, but let's just say that when his fingers slid between my paw pads I made it... loudly.
Before you start asking where I hid his body, I do want to point out two things. First, when someone gets you in your most ticklish of places everything else loses complete and total focus... it's kind of like a reset button. Second, while I really really REALLY hate being tickled, I love it when Jason touches me in places nobody else does. Let's just say that, by that point, I had a few conflicting emotions that ranged between pulling his insides out of him and pushing my outsides into him. First, however, I needed to get him to stop tickling me.
I was distinctly focused on the fact that my paw pads were under assault, and, as any good Bull Terrier knows, that's just not okay. With a quick heave and a grab to his wrist, I had Jason up in the air, and then hurtled right back down onto the mattress, back first. He lay there staring up at me with a huge grin. "Feeling better, I see." I assessed.
"Much." he acknowledged.
"And taking it out on me." I pointed out.
"You needed to smile." he explained.
I tightened my grip on his wrist and slowly led his arm behind his neck until the back of his head was resting on his forearm; my right paw gripped his left wrist next to his right ear as I pinned him to the mattress. I had his left leg pinned under my weight and his right leg was still free, but I had him where I wanted him as I grinned, "I'm smiling now."
He didn't understand at first but, within a second, I managed to help him realize his predicament. As I noted, my ribs are not ticklish... but his are. Jason started squirming immediately the moment my free paw began brushing his side. He quickly grabbed hold of my wrist with his left hand but, with barely a second thought, I transferred his arm to my muzzle and I gripped it in my teeth. Jason had no choice but to let go, and I proceeded to make good my promise of vengeance... or venge-*eeeeeek*, depending on which promise you counted.
Pinning his left leg with my weight, his right arm with a paw and his left arm with my muzzle, the human had nothing left with which to fight; his right leg wrapped around my waist, spasming and squirming as I proceeded to get my fill of returning the tickle favor. He was almost out of breath by the time I decided that just retribution had been taken.
"You're welcome." Jason said as soon as he had his breath back.
I remember being confused as I cocked my head, looking at him. The comment had made no sense, right up until I heard my tail beating against the blankets. I reached out with my mind, seeking the frustration and rage from the prior day, but it was gone. Glancing back down at my human, I couldn't help but feel a new focus settle over me. Based on the fact that he was quickly getting as hard as I was left me with the impression that he felt the same.
"How long until you're due at the convention center?" I asked, slowly pulling his left leg out from under me before sliding it around my hip.
"Long enough." he answered without missing a beat, wrapping his legs around my waist. My tail got an even greater work out that morning... but not quite as much as some other parts.