Pick Me Up
**Pick Me Up** There was no call for it. This thought stuck in Jacob's mind like a fly in a wedding cake. He trudged forward through the morning mist, the heavy smell of pine invading his nostrils, somehow pushing him back...
Trenchcoat Warfare
**Trenchcoat Warfare** Caleb grabbed another Dr. Pepper and flicked the tab open. The instant after the popping sound filled the basement, he shouted angrily as a jet of carbonized soda splattered his face and shot him directly in the...
The Bad Seed
The Bad Seed It stood there in a dark, secluded part of the farm, towering over the other trees like a fat old vulture. To Apple Bloom, it looked more like a squash that had been left outside to decay through the winter rather than a tree. Its base...
No Popcorn for the Movie
Not a Popcorn Movie I looked up at the marquis above the movie theater entrance, shuffling my feet nervously against the pavement. The evening was a cold one, though it hadn't snowed in a couple weeks now, and in the sky, the sun had fallen below the...
Shockstars
Tank Girl looked around, surveying the town that used to be so flourishing. She saw the bakery at the far end of the street, illuminated from the inside by glowing fire. The deli just beside it was pouring greyish black smoke out of the doorway before...
Let's Get Lucky
Let's Get Lucky Pros: an astute, intelligent man; willingly helps people when they are in need; keeps healthy on a regular basis; doesn't complain when things are too tough. Cons: a pernicious, self-obsessed wife-beater; chronic rapist; only helps...
Snowbomb
Snowbomb I looked outside my window; snow had been steadily piling up over the past three days, adding a new inch of white powder every eight hours or so. Beyond the glass it was as white as a forest could get, pure blinding white-out conditions. It...
Black Widow and The Tarantula Ten
Black Widow and the Tarantula Ten I loaded up my six-shooter, putting in the bullets one by one, knowing that the gun wasn't nearly big enough for what was coming. Jason cleared his throat, a clear sign of nervousness that I never liked. He was...
You Can't Shut Me Up
You can't shut me up I'm in your head screwing with your wires Your followers know my name They know that you're a failure Because I'm a good listener You're afraid of me, and of what I stand for you're afraid that your glorious, eternal system...
The Bombardiers
The Bombardiers There are often times in our lives when the world just throws us a bit of a curveball in an effort to get us to slow down, take things easy, and just let things happen. Sort of karma's way of saying "Stop this shit right now, you...
What I Want
I want to surf the Great Barrier Reef I want to see the sunset in Paris I want to go skiing up in Sweden I want to kill Snooki and blame it on Charlie Sheen I want a lot of things I want to talk philosophy with John Wayne I want to dance with a...
Gotta Love That Bomber
Gotta Love That Bomber It was the best standoff I had ever been a part of. Ten people were standing behind me with guns drawn, pointed at the heart of one little pus-bag who cringed in the corner of his bathroom, his rodent eyes wide with terror,...